Ladies: How do you like to see guys start conversations with you when dating online?

Hey

So, here's my issue... I'm a good looking guy, used to be an athlete, just a tad arrogant (maybe a bit more), started my own company whilst still at uni (which is all on my profile). But I'm completely incapable of talking to girls through text/messaging etc (I'm great in person). I've messaged quite a few girls that have matched with me, yet no response, and I believe this is down to the fact that I am just rubbish at general conversation openers.

I think that sometimes I'm too formal, or even "posh" and I'm not usually funny. I tend to pick something on their profile and mention that, albeit to no avail!

1. What are your tips and advice, and how do you start a conversation.

2. What do you look for on a guys profile?

Updates:
Thanks all for the response!
I deleted my profile off tinder and the dating site since I barely got responses from Matches. Honestly, I am a good looking and genuine guy, along with other things, so it is their loss at the end of the day. :)
There also seems to be a mixture of what girls like from a simple "hi" to something more in depth asking about them.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Girls usually don't start the conversation because they don't often need to. Guys, losers, and tools will bombard the inbox, and it's hard to filter through all the scum and find the genuine guys.
    Usually you can auto delete the "hey baby" <-doll, beautiful, sexy, etc. (no genuine guy starts a conversation this way)
    Also any message that starts with nonsense like "Wanna hook up" <-(wanna fuck, blah blah NEXT!)

    If you want to get attention... show that you read her profile. That you genuinely took interest.
    "Hi, I noticed you like Such and such. I am super into that as well. What is your favorite thing about it."
    This shows you read the profile, have something in common, and that you are interested in knowing more about her ideas.

    "Hi, nice pic" is a quick way of saying, "I'm a douche bag, please click delete and block"

    I would say that in a guys profile, you lose instantly if you are just showing just a body shot.
    Wow you got nice abs, and it's all you want to show, which means you have nothing else going for you!

    A pic of you doing something cool. Shows you are fun loving. (Drinking at a party is not fun loving. Frat boys are lame)
    Write about actual things you like, not things you hope girls will like. This will always end badly.
    Some of us are on there, not because we can't find men around us, we are just tired of douche bags. So putting up an instant Douche bag flag on you profile will 100% get you deleted and ignored. We can find them just by looking around us. Lucky for us, they usually don't realize they are douche bags and they all do the same stupid shit, so it's easier to filter.

    As long as you steer clear of cliche meat head crap, you will be fine. Because you will only know what to avoid if you aren't one.

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    • yes well said

    • (asking this primarily to make sure i've understood you right) So basically the best idea is to show on the profile is personality (be unique, creative, and show your good sides), show your hobbies, and give a whole impression of yourself. So images of us doing stuff, being with friends (not being wasted XD), just having fun, doing our hobbies, and just show who we are?
      As for profile pic, i gues an image of you doing your hobby (unless it's a typcical douchebag hobby, or we're posing to show off) would be ok?

      so something like this
      intro: quick about who i am and all that stuff. Maybe an image of me
      mid part: a well written (as in humorous, playfull, lighthearted, and gramatically correct) part abotu hobbies, what you like, who you are and all that. Maybe some non-douchey images showing us doing what we like.
      end: something funny/silly to make you remember and laugh.

      sounds right?

    • Best so far.

What Girls Said 22

  • The mistake a lot of guys make is that what they want from the girl isn't clear. As one poster below said, don't start with just "Hi" or "Hey". Try something like, "Hey there, [whatever her name or username is]. I like your profile pic - you have really pretty eyes!" A genuine compliment will get you far, especially since it'll likely let the girl know that you're flirting with her. Another idea is to stick to what you know - does she talk about movies or music on her profile? Sports? Travelling? Books? Pick one of those things and either ask her opinion about a certain country or sport or tell her an interesting fact about it that she might not know. If she does know it, say something like, "Wow, sounds like you could teach me a thing or two about [topic], smartypants." (Or something less cheesy but equally lighthearted.) Generally, people love talking about themselves, so you should appear interested in learning more about her. If you're polite and chill and at least a little funny, there's no reason any of those girls wouldn't want to message you back.

    FYI, the GAG message I sent my now-boyfriend was, "Hey! How are you? :)" I flirted a lot, he realized right away that I was interested in him, and we started dating online three weeks later. That was almost 1.5 years ago... but I guess it's a little different when it's the girl who first messages the guy.

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    • Reading the chicks profile before writing to her is the best advice here.

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    • @Keylogger That's not what I was saying at all. Maybe you should've read my post more carefully.

    • This was very helpful.. Thank you

  • I think the copy and paste message of your interests and all that bogus will get you no where, any girl on there will know you sent the same message to someone else. I think you need to start by getting her attention "you look absolutely adorable with that puppy in your picture, I just couldn't pass up the chance of talking to you because from the looks of your profile you look smart and like a cool girl, that I would like to get to know better. I am "chuckyegg" whats your name, are you originally from this area?

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    • Exactly! When a guy addressed something that was in my profile other than my face or how he'd love to pound me, I was more eager to respond.

      So annoying getting messages from men, who didn't read a lick of your profile and just started messaging saying how pretty you are. Like dude, you are everything I DON'T want. Telling me I'm pretty will not change the fact that you're a religious person, who wants lots of babies. And you live thousands of miles away. Gtfo.

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    • @MaskedSanity
      But then won't there be apathy at your end if you don't find the guy interesting. And that's obvious. Then how do you saya guy should be interesting?

    • @thegreatone7

      You can't really tell a person how to be interesting. What's interesting to me is hella boring to a lot of other people and vice versa.
      Whatever may come across as interesting to a potential partner, it needs to be a person's natural way of behaviour. My man's approached wasn't fabricated to impress me, it's naturally who he is and I found that interesting and attractive.

  • This is a fantastic question and I applaud your asking. My friend and I have had some NIGHTMARE DATES and messages on dating sites. You have to understand the ratio of women to men on dating sites is like 1/20, and we are bombarded with messages everyday, so obviously you have to stick out somehow. Mind you a LOT of those messages are rude, perverted, and lazy... a lot of guys just message me their numbers telling me to text them. Anyway! Try getting their attention by bringing up a couple things that caught your eye in her profile and ask some questions. It shows you're interested and you actually took the time to read what she had to say, which is rare. A nice gal will appreciate that. I actually met my boyfriend on a dating site, and what made me want to respond to him was 1. his sense of humor and 2. he asked about some obscure things on my profile. Most guys commented on my playing video games or being a nerdy girl... it was like that was ALL they cared about. My bf asked about a few different things, kept it short and sweet, and by the 3rd cycle of message responses he asked if we could meet up in a public place of my choice for dinner and drinks. I liked that he was just being himself, he seemed confident (though he later admitted he was terrified), and he kept expressing interest in me by keeping the conversations going. Like listening to someone vs. waiting for our turn to talk.

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    • LOL, my ex told me similar stuff, the amount of dick-picts women get on dating sites is ri-dick-ulous and the arrogant responses they get from guys when they say "no" to meeting them is also an issue. I'd rather just use dating sites to make parody profiles of famous people

    • It's horrible, There is an article someone made after he refused to believe his female friend, when she said how bad it was being a female on a dating site. So, he posed as a female and was shocked to see how disgusting and rude those guys can be.

  • MY BIGGEST TIP FOR YOU: GO TO THE BAR BABE!!! No not get a law degree but GO OUT, frickin go out!! You find loonies online. I used to go to online chat sites, and guys would say "Oh let's meet in person." I do, and it turns out there there is nothing that makes me feel more sorry for the other person than someone who has a tonne to say online and in person, just becomes speechless at my beauty and charisma. (Creeps and social spaz-s.)

    But if you MUST date online for whatever reason, (maybe a casual encounter, perhaps), then I'd advise you as such: People are egotists. If you make it all about them and ask them what they're doing, empathise heavily with every damn dumb thing they bring up, girls love that. Bitch. Bitch about people. Girls love that.

    But it's toxic. Honestly, go out, and if you're decent-looking-and-above, you can score in the supermarket or at the bus stop.

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    • Ah, because loonies don't go to bars ever. All those roofie victims were raped through Skype, amirite?

      You are LESS likely to find a compatible partner in a bar, whereas online you can filter people whose ideologies you disagree with.

      You can meet dozens of people, waste countless weeks getting to know them only to find out they possess some major deal breaker characteristics and then you're back to square one.

      It's not the 90s anymore, love. Online dating is a thing and it works. We'll be celebrating our 3 year anniversary this coming Feb.

      If you feel strongly about finding dates in person, go to places of common interest - museums, libraries, conventions, sport events, etc.; that way you can find people you share common interests with instead of doing the hit and miss thing people do in bars.

    • I agree. The bar is the worst place to meet someone. Most people are there to get drunk and said.

  • just say what you'd say to them if it was a face to face conversation. don't be too arrogant at first. that is a conversation ender.. just be the type of person you would want to talk to:) i hope that was helpful

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    • I'm rather confused as I had a girl message me with a fairly long message after reading my profile asking me a few things. In all, a nice and well thought out message, but when taking to a few guys the other day, they said that you can only ask one question at a time with a girl, and from my experience, sending 2 or more questions to a girl seems to overload them, and they end up only answering one of the questions.

      I am utterly bewildered in how to interact, whether it is completely different when conversing between genders over written message and girls are conforming to some unspoken convention which I am oblivious to.

      I hate sticking to simple texts personally, I rather a more meaningful and personal message.

  • some girls might like the catchy conversation openers but i think its safe to say that most girls would prefer a traditional, "hey how are you" rather than a failed attempt to be funny or something of the sort. you could be honest and just be like, "I'm not clever enough to come up with a funny intro, but i find so and so interesting about you/ i'd like to know more about you". I don't know though, i just feel its better to be safe than sorry, especially when you pretty much only have one chance like you do online.

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    • 10 "how are you"s VS one guy actually asking me about stuff in my profile?

      Yeah, I think I'll go with the guy, who didn't just copy-paste the exsct same message to another 50 girls on the website.

    • Awful. Don't ever ever devalue yourself in front of someone else. Doesn't matter what gender you are. I'm no smart enough, pretty enough, funny enough... all that crap keep it to yourself and if you fail, fail trying and don't fail talking down on yourself.

  • Just introduce yourself. Always ask questions about the women too like say you would like to get to know them better. That is how I met my now boyfriend of about 2 years. The men who told me I looked beautiful on my profile and they wanted to get to know me better I talked to. The ones who were crude or said I was sexy and they wanted to get with me I deleted right away.

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  • I was on pof for about a year. If you're starting with "hey" or "hi" that's already a strike in my book. Show you're interested. Ask about something specific on their profile, it not only shows you were interested enough to read up on them, but also offers a little extra to the conversation.

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  • 1. ask her about things she stated in her profile. she likes sport? what kind of sports? etc. show that you read her profile and are interested in getting to know her.
    2. don't fake your own profile to get girls.

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  • Try not to pet name them like call them babe or something because, technically they are not your babe they are a stranger! So just say hello, if they have info on their profile mention that so it looks like you actually took time to see who they are :)

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  • I use Tinder and I almost always respond when a guy messages me. While this may make me sound vain, I find it easier to respond when they ask about me. I mostly get questions about how I live in different places and it is easier for me to respond, then I tend to ask where they are from, etc. Basically, whenever you respond to someone, always try to ask a question if you feel that what you wrote cannot really follow up a good response (if that makes sense)

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  • I personally like it when he says he beautiful or hey babe something like that or start it off saying something cute or a joke

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  • I actually usually reply to weird things :P People who just say "hey" don't pop out to me as much. The first thing my boyfriend asked me was why I make the same face in all my pictures haha!

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  • I would just say "Hey :)". That means your interested to. speak. to them and usually they (i would) reply back. Simple really. Ask how they are. Just be nice and be yourself

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    • Not good everybody says hey or hi.

    • I always say hey cuz thats what you do when you approach a girl

    • Exactly, just strike up a normal convo and go from there. I dont know a lot about it all

  • I think you should improve your people's skill first before you try out online.

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  • I suck at maintaining conversations but I normally start off with something like batman or superman? or I did say on a scale of one to America how free are you tonight? and that set off the most interesting conversation I ever had aha

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  • Be like:
    Hey baby I'm rich and I'm willing to buy you shit I'm also hot and I have a six pack,
    If they don't respond instantly they're lesbians.

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  • guys who love sex

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    • They hate when you bring up sex, not that i do but I've heard they hate that

    • I don't bring it up I just wait till they do then I know :)

  • Something that shows he is nice and for him to be like hey how are you etc

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  • It'd be good if people could declare their intentions before starting a conversation.

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  • Be more casual while still being very polite. Guys who are too formal or posh just make you feel like you're about to go into a job interview to be this guys date.

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  • Don't change yourself to get girls one day you'll find a girl that'll love you for you and make you happy. My ex said I was too formal and he always criticized my posture saying it was too good like it's a bad thing and it was just a nightmare. When I talked to guys online I usually just like see what they're interested in on their profile and go from there but they always start the conversations first and I reply almost always unless it's creepy

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    • Bull Shit women/girls hate guys who are themselves. Their always trying to change guys. If being yourself worked I wouldn't be single my whole life.

    • My boyfriend is himself and I don't hate him.

    • There are a few girls who do like the man for who he is. This chick is talking about her boyfriend and she likes him for him. Stop pestering her.

What Guys Said 7

  • Unfortunately I have to resort to online dating at the moment due to my current living situation (off the grid in a little village) and my work requires me to stay at my computer alot. What works for me mostly what has been said already, be genuine, read the profiles and check out the interests and ask questions and and give soft compliments (tread carefully) spice it up with a bit of humour but be genuine.

    Don't fear rejection because you will get a lot of no responses or half hearted responses. DON'T lower your standards. Skip profiles that have no effort in them (a moderately decent looking girl that just writes ask me anything... stay away). Many people online have extremely astronomical standards , some are just attention seekers, some are crazy, weird or downright psychotic. The attention seeking thing is a big ego boost for people with low self esteem to make them feel better about themselves.

    Ratio has been discussed but not as brutal if you are decent looking and interesting (sorry, online people are even more shallow), also put up a half decent profile pic and don't explain in huge detail what you are about. I met a really nice person on a first try today but its not even half the battle. Set a date as quick as possible and don't be afraid to set ground rules (don't come off as desperate). Flaky behavior is unfortunately a ever occuring theme.

    I for one had a women cancel on me last minute, and that shit is fucking rude and for me a reason to tear someone a new one (I have to free up my schedule too and you ain't my gf yet, just a person that has agreed to see me, don't get full of yourself). Lots of people are rude online because they are sitting behind their computer, which tells a great deal already about their attitude (drop em like hot coals). RL is still the way to go and my favoured approach, even better take a good looking lady friend with you. Beware the prince&princess syndrome, as said too much attention makes people light headed.

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    • OH! And another crucial thing is make sure if you are using your phone or computer to log off from dating sites, that's very important! While its hypocritical bcs many guys and girls are there all the time and are on all the time (Better be careful with those) show people you got a life. Same when you establish a connection via what's app, skype, hide your online status, don't snoop and live your life. I usually take an hour out of my day to talk to people I am interested or who are interested in me and then tell them kindly I am busy. That's important, even online people smell desperation like bloodhounds or assume you are a player. In all honesty I check my dating apps just once a day. If i get someones number I make more time but I hammer out real life meets asap. That's crucial!

    • Nice read! Thanks.

  • Don't even bother with online dating it is a total crap shoot!!

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    • Online dating is a big scam for the insecure, POF is the only genuine site

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    • @CuddlesWillDie Wow. Well maybe they'll find some fat guy to love them. :P

  • Main thing is to make mention of stuff in her profile, to show that u actually read it!

    Also... ask a question about something in the profile? Questions provoke response.

    Women get so bombarded with messages that ones with a statement but no question can easily get lost in the shuffle IMO.

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  • Well, in my case, the 3 times I did date online we were a fan of a certain show and we were using sites to post fanart and chat to each other, the point is, my main purpose on those sites was NOT to date, but because I was a fan and wanted to find like-minded friends, the girlfriends just happened anyway lol. Just stick with websites that interest you and actively talk to EVERYONE, not JUST the girls, no-one likes @$$holes like that. Stay AWAY from dating sites they're a load of bull and most of them are scams that trick you into buying a subscription to let you read a message you received by a fake profile. So yeah, talk awa to everyone and show you're interested in whatever site you're sharing and NEVER expect to get a girl, just use the sites for fun, that way you'll never be disappointed

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    • Yeah, this is good advice. I bought subscriptions for a couple of dating sites a few years ago, didn't do a damn bit of good. And yeah, if you actually find a pretty girl on one of those sites, chances are she is a fake. I actually get pretty girls messaging me first on this site. Like you said, just being sociable and talking to everyone helps a lot.

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    • @MaskedSanity Yeah, i've heard a lot of stories abou Cupid, ain't tried it myself though but i've tried enough dating sites to know for sure that most of them are nothing but money-hungry scams

    • I would never pay for a dating site membership and I think their "guarantees" are laughable. You can't guarantee things like feelings and relationships, that's just absurd.

      If you choose to stay on dating websites, just stick to the free ones. Paid membership doesn't mean a person is any more serious. If anything, it seems more desperate.

  • I find picking up off-line works better. Women are FULL OF SHIT online.

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  • "Hi, how is your week going?"
    *comment about something you liked in their profile*
    *question about something else in their profile*

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    • Hi how is your week going is really not that great. I add that in when I already got a convo going. I agree with the rest ;-)

    • I'll take pointers on better openers, I don't want to just launch into questions without saying hello first :)

  • I'm very curious about this too.

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