Why can't I find a decent boyfriend and guys who want to date me?

Dating is really hard for me. I can hardly get dates or guys to even talk to m, guys rarely approach me. I don't understand why it's so hard to find a decent guy who is attractive in my eyes and who wants to date me. I like all kinds of men I'm not picky about race or anything like that. The guys don't have to be perfect, just something about them that stands out to me. I'm not a stuck up female I'm down to Earth. I'm kind, caring, I have good morals etc, funny, smart, I would treat the right guy like a king and shower him with love, appreciation, and respect. I'm also physically attractive, yet I'm having a hard time finding someone. Sometimes it makes me feel a bit sad if I think about it because I wonder what's wrong with me. Why won't guys approach me, why don't they want to have me as a girlfriend? Some guys try to have sex with me but that seems like all they want. They don't seem to care about the beautiful person I am inside. I don't want just sex so I often try to not sleep with guys when and if I first meet them. It seems like the only time guys try to talk to me is when they are trying to get sex from me. They tell me how wonderful I am as a person and how attractive I am but then they try to get sexual. Why is it so hard to find a boyfriend and a guy who wants to date me for me? What can I do to help the process?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I would say the same thing that most off these guys for example in my position iam looking for that perfect girl I have not found her yet but it's just having patients and also love works in many weird ways on how it presents someone to us but it's better we take that opportunity. Don't think that your never going to find a boyfriend cause trust me you are but it may not be now but sometime later. But I would still say that if you ever do see a guy that you like just go for it maybe i, ll get lucky.

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    • Thanks. You're right, maybe I just should stop thinking about it and be patient. But it's hard to not feel like it will never happen. ... I just see everyone around me with people with no problem. But it seems like a difficult task for me. I guess maybe it's not meant to happen right now. Maybe it'll happen when I least expect it. Idk. =/ but I hope you find a good woman.

    • I wish the same for trust me it will happen and it will happen when you don't expect it

    • Thank you =)

What Guys Said 8

  • Remember in grade school at dances where all the girls would be on one side of gym and all the guys would be on the other side of the gym and no one would dare to make their way across to the other side? Ya, that's pretty much how it is in the dating world. Girls don't want to go to the otherside for fear of looking desperate and guys don't want to go for fear of being turned down. What the guys don't know is that the girls want the guys to come across to the them. But what the girls fail to realize is that they need to communicate this to us. But they don't. They pretend that we don't exist and that they're more than comfortable with us staying on our side and them on their side.

    So if you want a guy a cross the floor and approach you, you need to communicate that to him. You say guys are looking at you. So what do you do when they look? Do you look away and pretend they don't exist? Or do you smile at them? Do you glance back at them to see if they're still looking? Or do you bury yourself in your phone checking facebook? Guys need a green light from the girl before we approach. The only guys that don't are the ones who want something from you for their own benefit.

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    • I understand what you are saying. I agree. And when guys look my way sometimes I look at them. But most times I think I look away because I don't want them to think I'm staring in their face. Plus i assume they were just looking at my hair or maybe something was on my face or looking in my direction but not looking at me because they think I'm pretty and want to talk to me. Also I don't know what signals to give.

    • Ya, all the girls I make eye contact with look away, and it's really discouraging for the guy. I'd say if a guy is looking at you if you're feeling confident smile. If not, it's okay to look back at him.

  • Maybe because you are not looking at the right place? Sure, if you go to club to find and date guys, most of them are looking for sex, or can be jerk. But people like me who dont give a shit about sex (im 19 and virgin, couldnt care less) dont go often to clubs. If your still at school try to look more at guys there. The only issue is that most of these type of guy are pretty shy, just because they dont have a lot of experiences dating woman ( like me for instance), because, i dont want to date a shit tons of women. Just want 1. I find it hilarious when girls complain like that. Its maybe not your case, but most of the girls friendzone the "nice guy" go out with jerks. Then they cry because every man are ass hole, while their nice friend comfort her.

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    • No that's not the case for me. I don't have a nice guy friend that's dateable. I like to meet guys everywhere not just places like the club. Like you said the club is a bad place to look for a guy. I am still in school. But it's hard for me to meet guys, they don't approach me. They may look my way but they never say anything to me.

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    • How do you know when they are too confident?
      And I suppose I could try that. I'm super scared to go up to guys that I think are nice or cute. I never know what to say or how to approach them.

    • One way to know, not 100% accurate, is just to look at them. If he looks like a douche ( pink shirt, golden necklace, V neck, like to show his muscle), thats a really good sign he might be a player. And one way to approach, if your pretty shy, is just by facebook. Its considerated ''lame'' by people, but mostly lame when guys do it ( cause guy suppose to be confident, mainly fearless and all that bullshit... ) Or in real life, but more slow paced is just smiling often at him, saying hi etc..

  • i think u get the wrong idea when a guy is being sexual, u got to understand we r visually stimulated, while female r not, so when u see a girl u start to undress her an imagine what is under there lol, if you follow my drift, but they u got to explain to these guys if u like them, that u do but don't want to rush anything, what to take it slow, an that u want a relationship, an most of my long to relationship started from hookup, r even one night stand, guess not one night stand anymore, just make sure there single before u do anything with them, if your looking for relationship

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  • I think u just need to be patient and u are still young I believe there is a special person for everyone. If u find it real hard and u see a guy u really and seems like a genuine guy not just looking for sex maybe u can ask him out. Sometimes guys get a little scared and intimidated when they see a beautiful woman and they don't ask them out so maybe u try to be the asker instead.

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  • Oh, à décent single guy that wants a relationship that your describing are very hard to find, usually only 20% of the men would you find attractive and décents, the problem is that 80% of women would be competing for the same guy, and usually these not so single guys get into a relationship fast because of demand

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  • You're question contradicting. How can guys not be approaching you and yet you know they want to have sex with you? Not to be rude but are they sending you letters or something?

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  • You've probably rejected tons of nice decent guys because you didn't find them attractive. Over weight , not confident , short , Job doesn't have enough status with it's title. There are heaps of great guys out there but they don't meet the requirements.

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    • I don't get a chance to even reject a lot of guys lol they don't approach me =/ I actually don't really care too much about stuff like being a certain weight or job not having enough status. The couple that rarely approach me that I gave a chance were predators and jerks. I thought they were nice people.

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    • Maybe I could try that. But I don't know what to say or how to approach them lol

    • Hey is always a good start then just start talking. After a few minutes of talking say you have to go but you would like to continue the conversation and get his number or arrange to meet for a hot choc , coffee ect. That's how I pick up girls , I'm sure it would work the other away around too

  • This is a common problem. You are more picky than you realize. Let's say 20% of men meet your standards. Finding 1 out of 5 guys attractive seems like a lot of potential partners. What you don't realize is about 80% of women are competing for the same men. So these men can afford to be really picky and have really high standards you don't meet. A lot of these guys enjoy playing the field, so finding one that wants a relationship is even harder.

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    • agree with this poster. There are many men that want sex more than women that want just sex.. but women that want a relationship outnumber men who want a relationship.

    • Yes, and most of these guys that actually want a relationship don't stay single for long. That leaves very few available men that meet the standards.

    • Thanks for your input. I guess that means I just won't find anyone? =/ from what you said it seems like my chances are slim to none of finding a boyfriend. =(

What Girls Said 1

  • Ugh I having the same problem. I go to school n work, sometimes I hang out with friends. When it comes to guys I dont get it, I had some tell me im fine, smart etc, compliment me but dating, no. They want sex but once I say no its like we never talked. I like this guy now, he's very attractive, he isn't dating anyone and we talked for alil, got to know each other he seemed interested... not one girl was trying to talk to before but now he got chicks hitting him everyday. He said he just like chilling, he just waiting for the right one, right moment. I definitely understand him but unlike other girls im not no dick rider ( bother him, writing him). I tried with guys, now im just like I dont want a boyfriend or a fuck buddy.

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    • I understand how you feel =/ I don't understand it either. It seems like a lot of people like playing the field and other people don't even try to approach you. Maybe it's up to us to go and approach guys that we find interesting and attractive. Sometimes I feel like I'll never find anyone. =/

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