My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost a year now. He has this friend, who he used to have a crush on, who he calls his best friend. Now, I have absolutley no problem with him having a best girl friend, but my problem is the fact that he used to have a crush on her, and recently she's been starting to Facebook message him daily, and text him daily which makes me very uncomfortable, and irritates me.
The thing that also irritates me is the fact that he never told me that he had a crush on her, but that I had to figure it out for myself by tellling him that I knew he had feelings for her before, and he didn't deny it.
I'm afraid that he will start developing those feelings he used to have for her. I don't want him to end his friendship with her or anything, I just wish she could back off a bit because I'm starting to feel threatened by her.
I myself have been that "best girl friend" to a guy who was in a relationship, but I knew when it was time to back off, and didn't text him so often because I felt like that would be weird towards his girlfriend, but I feel like this girl just doesn't know when she should back off. At the same time I feel like my boyfriend should know when to back off as well.
I'm pretty sure all of this is very innocent, but I find it strange that she all of the sudden started conversating with him daily, when she didn't do that before.
I would really appreciate your opinions on this, and how I should adress my problem to my boyfriend in a manner where he understands how this situation makes me feel, and so that he doesn't feel like I'm being a complete bitch.
Most Helpful Girl
You're not a bitch, I get this oh, so well. Now, what you want as a short-term solution is to talk to him about it and kindly explain that it's weird and not ok at all to do this in a loving committed relationship. As a long-term solution, you need someone who knows where to draw the line between 'just friends' and 'girlfriend? what girlfriend?'... And someone who stands up for you and cares enough not to put you in this kind of situation. It's a tough one exactly because he is making you do all the work and do what he should be doing himself - that is, figuring out the re-framing of his relationships with other girls, what is appropriate and what is not. And since you find yourself in the situation of doing his work - meaning, explaining to him what he should already know, you get in this tricky zone where you feel awkward and are afraid not to be a bitch. And it sucks. Now, it's possible that he will understand, respond in an empathic way and correct this ASAP. Good luck with everything!1