He's a player. why do I feel the need to "fix" him?

So I've just recently been played by another guy. I'm still pissed and humiliated by it and have cut all contact. The first time I ever got played, which was two years ago, I convinced myself that all players are soulless, heartless creatures. Now that guy is happily in love, so he must be human. Now that I am on the brink of losing faith in dating and in men altogether, I've come to understand why some people become players. Some do because they've been trampled on their entire lives and are really insecure. and end up building walls so that no one can ever hurt them again. I knew there was something wrong with him, but I didn't listen to my gut. My gut has never been wrong and this is the vibe that I am getting from this newest guy. My gut says that this is why this newest guy is a player. I know that trying to be with him would be stupid, cause then I'd only get hurt, and I'm not going to risk that. But I keep getting this nagging feeling that I should be the one to "fix" him, to tell him that he need not to be insecure. That he doesn't need to hide behind this whole charade of being "Mr. Amazing" just cause he's not happy with himself. I have my own insecurities too and have even considered playing with someone as a way to lash out and protect myself, but I know its wrong and have decided against it. I have a good heart and would like to see him succeed in life even though he just fucked me over. I hate feeling like this. I hate feeling so mindfucked. How do I deal with this? Its confusing!! I am still new to relationships and dating, so I may be a little naive, but would greatly appreciate some insight!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Awwww. Poor thing :(. I probably have terrible advice, but I see nobody else answered your question and you seem like a sweet girl.

    You might feel you need to "fix" him because of two reasons. The first is biologically you seem to have a nurturing feminine trait. This is actually something you're not alone in. There are plenty of girls who try to "fix" "broken" guys. The 2nd reason would be that again you seem like a really sweet person who wants to help people.

    You need to find a guy who's not a player. Find a way to stay away from them. I know its hard because you want to help people, but I say just be friends with the players if you absolutely have to be with them. Then maybe you can slowly help them but not be in a relationship with them. The best thing I think you should do though is stay away from them and find a guy who will give you his whole heart and doesn't plan on breaking yours. :)

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    • You say you have a gut feeling for those guys so I hope that you can distinguish between them and the ones who aren't that way. I wish you the best of luck.

    • Thanks :/ though the frustrating thing is that I can't fully keep away from him, because he is in one of my classes. He pretended to be the shy, meek, humble, geeky, and socially awkward type, which are things that I really like in a guy. This creates a problem cause I tend to be a doormat and in the past, have failed classes because the previous guy had the same classes and I avoided him like hell. It sucks cause I finally got the courage to ask this guy out and then he turns out to be an asshole. I just wish he could see past his insecurities and just be the real version of himself that he is afraid for anyone else to see.

    • Oh okay. Yeah it's very unfortunate. I think like the other guys said you will have to find a way to move on to a guy who will treat you differently. Out of my 21 years of living on this Earth I've noticed that it's extremely hard for some people to reveal who they really are and/or for people to get rid of a unnecessary yet "attached" part of them that has been subconsciously engrained into them for the worst. It takes experiences, other people around them, and their own self reflection.

What Guys Said 2

  • Just walk away from him, you won't fix him. There are gentlemen out there. If you have a respectful dad or brother talk with them. Stop looking for males but keep your standards high and look for the qualities of a man. One who treasures your heart and treats you with love and respect. There are many males out in the world, few men anymore. Don't give up, just know what the character of a man is and then when you see it get to know him.

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  • A lot of girls feel the need to fix their boyfriend/husband. It never works out though unfortunately.. Psychology 101.

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