Teasing is not about teasing, but holding back?

A guy I like said this to me..

I teased him a little too far for it not to be funny, nothing horrible but it came out like I was trying to hurt him, but my intention was to be playful. He reacted negativitly and I felt bad and said I didn't mean it that way. We moved on and went back to flirting and getting to know eachother. Then one time I bailed on a Skype date and he said he would "punish" me by not talking to me for a couple days. It really frustrated me, I thought he was joking but he wasn't, afterwards I realized I missed him and didn't want to do anything like that again... when we started taliking again he slipped in " Teasing is not about teasing but holding back" I think that is totally true... my ex used to tease me by being rude and a dick... I would get so frustrated/confused and felt like he didn't care. Sometimes it's good to have long time apart and to be OK on your own, then when you see eachother again you will appreciate that person much more. I am going to use this advice for the future. Currently me and this guy have not talked for weeks, I am just going to work on myself in that time and hopefully when we reconnect the sparks are still there/stronger... I am done with the highschool type of relationships with mind games and insecurity. I think it says a lot if you can be away from your partner but still have a strong relationship when you meet up again. Plus I am independant so this works for me. What is your take on this? (how spending time apart is healthy... and how actual teasing can be childish and unecessary/not sexy/poor communication, etc.)


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Most Helpful Girl

  • My first boyfriend was a whirlwind because I am usually an independent gal, didn't have my first boyfriend until 10th grade. He wanted to hang out almost every single day which I was reeallyyy not used to-not even with friends. We spent so much time together, especially over the summer, that sometimes I would just fake-sick or tell him my parents didn't want me to go.
    Not because I didn't like the guy, because I did, but two people seriously need some time apart. You both should share a portion of your world's together, but not have it be completely intertwined.
    As for the teasing part... I like it! As long as they know my limits. For example, I don't put up with anyone who jokes about self harm or suicide. But I also get how it can be seen as sort of elementary in a way, since you're flirting by making fun of someone. oh, well. to each her own :)

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    • yes similar situation here. I started dating at 17, he wanted to see me every day, I exhausted myself trying to keep up and please him. Instead of telling him how I felt, I started to act out, showing up late or bailing last minute, our communication just sucked in general. I would lie a lot too. A healthy relationship shouldn't be that way. I also like teasing, It's how my family and friends communicate. He actually did tease back but in a way that showed I was being annoying/hurtful, it's not like he's over emotional, he is the one that teases the most actually, which I really like. I think the problem is when people rely on teasing as a way to flirt/communicate. You need honest moments here and there.

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