So I've been dating this guy for about a month now and I really can't tell where this is going. He is confusing me. Sometimes he seems really serious with me for example, he tells me that he wants me to meet his son and he tells me that he told his family about me. But most of the time, he is always talking about sex. When we're texting it seems like that is all he can talk about. He talks about what he wants to do to me, what he wants me to do to him, and he always brings up my boobs lol. He talks about sex more than the serious stuff. I asked him about what he wants our relationship to be and he said "I see a future with you but I dont want to jump into anything to fast". Im so confused, what should I think about all this?
Most Helpful Guy
What HE wants isn't important: the question is: what do YOU want?
If you are looking for a relationship, then it's very simple: you MUST NOT have sex with him until (a while) after he's made your relationship official. You must make it crystal clear to him that you simply don't have sex outside of an official, committed relationship.
Once he understands that, then he'll have a decision to make: does he just want sex, and is therefore wasting his time with you, because you aren't going to give it up? Or does he want a relationship? If the latter, then he'll understand that he's going to have to take some initiative to move things down that path, and if he doesn't make any progress, you're going to dump him eventually.
It is YOUR job to set your standards and communicate them clearly, and when you do, your relationships will start to get a lot simpler.
You MUST be prepared for many guys to hear this rule and decide "well, I'm not looking for a relationship, so I'm outta here." You have to be able to let those guys go, even if they are great guys and you REALLY like them - you MUSt stand by this rule, because if you don't, you're going to end up getting used for sex and you'll never get a relationship from the guys who get sex first.
This guy is already using code-phrases that mean "I'm hoping for casual sex right now, and then we'll see if I want a relationship later". And it's almost always a "no", because if he's getting sex, why should he take on the responsibilities and limitations of a relationship?
YOU are the only one who can set the standards for your relationships, and if you don't, then they'll be messy, confusing, and chaotic, and you won't get what you want. So, set your standards, and he'll either rise to meet them or you need to send him on his way and find someone else.1