I don't need financial security from a relationship and guys just don't provide great social support. What to look for?

I've ran out of motivation to date. I don't need financial support and find guys to not be as helpful as my female friends when it comes to social support. Sexual attraction and gratification only leads to slutty guys... And even then they are fulfilled more often

I'm not really sure what else there is to look for in hopes of some kind of spark.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I'm in a similar boat, I don't have any motivation to date, or sleep around. I don't need a woman in my life to feel better about myself. I make my own money, i have my own place, and I have a good group friends that i have when I REALLY need them (rarely), I can take care of myself haha. I don't see a problem with where you are in life, or what you are feeling; I completely agree with what you're saying. Men complicate a woman's life, just as a woman complicates a man's life, if your life isn't complicated…whats the problem? hahah

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    • Exactly! I have nothing against guys, it's just like you said. Relationships create issues...

    • But relationships do seem to make other people so happy. Either there's something I'm missing or people like you and me are not that common.

    • It's human nature to want companionship, or at least that is what it tells us in every human behavior theory known to man. So we are, by definition, abnormal so to speak. Nothing is wrong with us, I'm sure you behave "normally" in every other aspect of your life, just as I do. We just don't play into the whole "relationship" aspect of our society. So one miscue out of many…I think we're doing just fine.

What Guys Said 8

  • sounds like you just haven't found the right guy. the right guy should be able to fill a little bit of everything in your life. they are out there you just have to find them

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    • I hear folks say that, but I'm just not sure what to be looking for. My relationships in the past often drain me. Any ideas on what I should be trying to look out for?

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    • I think it's weird to sleep with a near stranger anyway. How does a person go about creating emotional intimacy with a date?

    • connecting on a personal level. getting to know a person, the past, interests, goals, feelings about various things.

  • Most people are opting out of traditional dating for these reasons.
    Look for someone you respect and admire before you consider other possibilities with them!

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    • What are some good ways to meet people you may feel that way about? I've tried just going out with people I randonly meet and online and the ratio of success to failure is not good. Any tips?

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    • I think that's part of the problem. I work with mostly women and social events take a nosedive in your 30s. Maybe I just need to try some different techniques to meet people.

    • Yes, join a club for people with your interests, attend a lecture...

  • Why are you looking for a relationship? If you don't have motivation, you don't have motivation.

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    • There must be something I'm missing about their benefits. I just am not sure what it is.

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    • Hmm. Most men I know don't really get much support from their partners.

      I think in any case these things are case by case.

    • Do people even like each other in most relationships, then? Haha.

  • Dating is not "supposed" to be about financial support first off. If you want a guy who will be more of a social support, then quiet or more sensitive guys are usually better at that than the popular and really outgoing guys. You're gonna have to dig a bit deeper.

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    • I agree, but you see a lot of broke bitches dating guys they aren't that into for money.

      I'm not sure that emotional support works quite that way, though. I've had a few "cool" guy friends that were a lot better (and kinder) company than some of the so called "science geeks" I've dated. I've dated a couple of musician types, who were a good match in that way, but flakey and unpredictable. Tons of strong and silent type guys (think cop stereotypes) ask me out, but they tend to just talk over me and boss me around too much. What do you mean by quiet/sensitive type? Where would I find him and what are his sample interests?

    • I dont know, there aren't really any hard and fast rules for how to find a good guy, there's no easy answer really. I guess I kind of presumed from your post that you have mainly only gone for the talkative "cool" outgoing guys.
      I guess listen closely to the way guys speak to other people in casual conversations, you can often tell a fair bit about their personality just from general stuff like that. Basically I think the less cocky the guy is, the more chance there is that they will care about listening to you rather than themselves.

  • The companionship and deeper-than-friendship connection.

    I truly believe that u are somehow self-thwarting yourself from being emotionally connected to men.

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    • I've fallen in love several times, but most dating doesn't involve that feeling. It's like walking through mud. Likewise, I feel like relationships require so much effort to please the guy and make him feel important with very little compensation, so to speak. I'm not sure what's going wrong.

    • I date guys I'm not very attracted to or interested in all the time, too. It's not like I'm only dating guys that are out of my league, like guys here suggest all the time. So I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing differently to make it feel more enjoyable.

  • Seems you've your mind made up already, date women then.

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    • I'm not sexually attracted to women, either.

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    • That's not so bad. :). I keep thinking I must be missing something. Other people seem to be very happy.

    • "Seems" And most people are incredibly unhappy but put up an act. Divorces and cheating are happening now more than ever.

      I don't feel relationships are necessary to be happy, that comes from the individual. We came into this world alone and leave alone as well. Nothing sad or wrong about it, just something to think when the "norm" is otherwise.

  • Companionship is what everyone needs

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    • Maybe my drive for companionship is lower than most. I'm close with my family, have a great group of friends and cool coworkers. I do enjoy the special bond of a partner, but it just seems to take so much for such little reward.

    • Reward is not being alone

  • How about someone who is just a charm to be around? You seem to think that you need a relationship where you get something material or tangible out of it. It's a relationship, not a business partnership. I think you might be a bit too cerebral about this post.

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    • I think I read too many dating advice books! It's hard to meet people I love being around. For one, I tend to be a more of loner good naturedly. But also it seems like most of my dates end up feeling like work. How do people develop that spark that makes them look forward to it?

    • I'm probably not the best person to ask about that, to be honest lol. I'm similar to you in being a loner that is pretty hard to get to know.

      I'm not sure what type of dating books you've read, but I suppose I'm a bit cynical of any kind of "do this, do that" type of advice. To me, people are far too different to be able to give specific advice on how to deal with them. From those blurbs in Cosmo magazine, to long online articles, to PUA advice... it all just seems so silly to apply to situations you haven't even experienced yet, ya know?

      I'm much more of a fan of just being chilled out, go with the flow, take things as they come. It feels much more natural and carefree that way, instead of always being on the lookout for a particular "signal" or result of a situation.

What Girls Said 1

  • You should find someone you can admire. But before you can do that, you have to be willing to be a bit vulnerable yourself. You don't come across that way, at least from your question.

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