Second date and girl still hasn't offered to pay- is this normal/what to do?

Me and the girl I'm seeing are both in our mid 20s and we're both working professionals, yuppies if you will, at what should be pretty similar levels of income.

We had our first date in a cafe, nothing big, and I paid for the evening. She didn't offer but no big deal, it was a small thing and I kind of expect to pay on the first date anyway.

Then we had our second date recently- went to a comedy club (which I got the tickets for) and had a few drinks. I though it would have been appropriate that if I got the tickets she'd offer to pay for the drinks. If not the first round then at least the second round.

Nope, nothing from her. She just kind of seemed to expect me to get everything for her.

Other than that I quite like her and the conversation flows well but I consider it a big red flag if a girl never offers to pay. I'm not wealthy enough yet (though my income should increase substantially in the next few years) to foot the bill fully on all dating activities.

I'm wondering is this normal behavior (i. e would a lot of girls do this) and whether there is something I can do to let her know that I'd appreciate it if she contributed too.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • It is, depending. I qas always conditioned to expect the fiest time to be paid by the gentleman, but then gp Dutch after that. Or maybe she sees it as chivalrous for you to pay. Either way, casually bring up "is it cool we're separate?" & observe her expression. She should catch your drift.

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    • I agree. If she didn't offer for the second date, it's doubtful she will. Although I have to say it sounds like your aren't so into her anyway. Take her to dinner, take cash, pay half see how she reacts.

    • *was *first *go

What Girls Said 7

  • This is a tough situation because there is such a wide variety of opinions on this topic.

    Some men prefer to pay for the first few dates, whereas some men like it if the woman at least offers to pay.

    I say that you shouldn't be too offended. Perhaps she will pay on the third date?

    I don't think you should be expected to foot the bill for all dates. I would bring it up casually. Just ask her on the next date if it's okay if you two split the bill.

    Maybe she will clue in and then offer to pay for the next date.

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  • Yikes. That is kind of a red flag. I definitely would have offered to pay for all of the drinks.

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  • I usually like to pay for something is my way to shoe that I care obviously i wouldn't pay for everything but most of my female friends expect the guys to pay and not even spare it and some of the guys i have went out with want to spare it or pay for so I guess is normal.

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  • I think it depends... see that's why we struggle. I don't want to offer to pay or spilt if he asks. If I ask I'll pay. To me, if a man asks me out, he will pay. If I offer to pay or split... I feel like I'm saying I don't trust that he can provide or plan a date. To me it shows I have no confidence in him to follow through... like "I know you asked me to do this activity, but I expected you to flake so I can split the bill/pay for my self." Now, what I do is bring money just in case he does want to split it. If he orders first, and then pays for himself... obviously he expects me to pay for my self. If he asks what I want and the orders it for me or the cashier/waitress asks if it's together and he says yes... then I don't mention it, because he's obviously expecting to pay and I don't want to offend him. By the third date however, I'll try to ask him to something so i can say "it's my treat." I know some guys are offended if you don't offer to pay that's why I wanted to add this perspective. Sometimes a girl doesn't offer to pay, not because she's a free loader or not nice or something, but because somehow offering seems like showing a lack of confidence in the guy and she doesn't want to do that. And, honestly, when a guy leads in the relationship, including paying for the first couple dates (or you could find free dates) it's really makes it easier for the girl (though, some girls may or may not care about that as much or even prefer to split the bill)

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    • I feel like its the other way around. Not being willing to pay either shows that you have no faith in the guy to stick around without the money spent factor. Also shows a lack of willingness to 'invest' equally in the date, either because of a lack of faith or just apathy.

  • Personally i would at least offer to pay even if i knew the guy would say no. It's just proper. Or at least say, "well i'll pay the tip." I dont know how I feel about this because while guys normally pay a woman can offer. With the tickets and then the drinks and then food, she should have paid. When you went to the bathroom she should have grabbed the check.

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  • I've never paid for a guy with cash on them before.. my own food yes but not his food... if he's my bf i would but otherwise no...:/ i mean if she's great with everything else it shouldn't matter, personally I start treating a guy as a friend rather then romantic interest if i do and i have not made out or screwed him yet.

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  • Just take her on places that you can afford to pay for her.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Two dates is to soon. She needs to feel invested in you to some extent. If she is a pritty girl with a full dance card of waiting suiters just begging to take her out for a meal and a good time, why should she ask to pay. The other guys are willing to pay it all. Thats even if she likes you. She might not be into you, just likes someone who will pay to keep her in play, on the avenue!
    Now if she isn't that pritty or you are a fox, she will pony up sooner less she miss out on the catch of the day.

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  • The way I see it, if a woman isn't willing to pay she is disrespectful. I get that a lot of guys prefer to pay but if you aren't willing to pay if asked then you obviously don't respect me, my money doesn't grow on trees.

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