Which comes first, attractiveness or confidence?

This is something that I hear all the time, "Be Confident", "Confidence is sexy", "Confidence is more important than looks".

But doesn't confidence follow "success", rather than the other way around?

It seems to me that attractive people (and that includes funny, witty people, rather than just really goodlooking people) are more confident in romantic social interaction, because they get a lot of positive reinforcement.

Where as, less attractive people, get more negative feedback and are therefore less confident.

For instance, I know guys who are really outgoing and confident with male friends, who are extremely shy around women, typically these are less physically attractive guys. Guys respond well to them, so they're confident, women don't respond well, so they're less confident.

So isn't confidence just a symptom of being attractive, rather than the cause of attraction?

So therefore, in order to build confidence, what you actually have to do is make yourself more attractive?

Or is there a whole chicken and egg thing going on here?


Most Helpful Guy

  • I don't know, I know I'm not ugly, but I've always had a problem talking to girls. No problem with guys, guys I have no pressure around, and some girls whom are just friends there is no pressure around, but the instant there's an attraction to a girl on my end everything I do suddenly just seems incredibly mind-numbingly stupid.


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What Girls Said 1

  • confidence always. To be attractive in the right girls eyes confidence is sexy and that's what attracts girls to some guys - at least to me


What Guys Said 2

  • I think your over-thinking it. I was born physically attractive. But I have never been really confident. So, for me, physical attractiveness came before confidence. You made my head hurt. I don't feel like trying to work out what you are trying to say. Sorry.

  • Looks confidence is a made up word