What should I do, I dont want to lose her but putting in so much effort is tiring me down, mentally and physically. I really dont know what to do?

We had 1 month fling, then she played the hot and cold game with me for 6 /7 weeks, i confronted her with it, we ended up having unprotected s. x 4 times in 4 days , during her most fertile period. She told me she stopped taking the pill afterwards..., something i thought she still did. we started seeing each other again , but her daughter came back from her hometown , she has a 7 yo kid, and she started to act all distant again. we did kiss and i know she wanted to be intimate with me. last Saturday we saw each other again, i tried to kiss her she told me i shouldnt. we did give a small kiss, then we just sat on her sofa, and she put her legs across me. so i stroke her legs, and slowly went to her more intimate spot... she didn't say no right away, then she told me''no''. and that she was tired, so i said, ok ill go, put on my jacket, shoes , kissed her on the forehead , then she grabbed me, and started making out with me wildly, we almost had sex again, but we didn't want her daughter to burst in, so we didn't after all. I told her, ill come by tuesday, today, we can be alone then, being intimate without anyone around. i must mention i dated this girl in july, for a month, she was really into me, during the 6/7 week hot and cold game , her daughter spilled the wine by telling me, when i was going for a walk with her and her kid, that she has a long distance relationship -_- in just a matter of 2 weeks she commits herself to someone she doesn't really seem to love. so as today, she told me yesterday its better we dont see each other, or have sex... she told me the same thing a week ago. she pulled this of more then once, and it really wears me down.. i feel exhausted, by always trying to make her realize that im the one she loves, why else would she do things like that, and whats up with the unprotected sex, and not telling me she isn't taking the pill anymore. should i speak out, write her a letter, or just be quiet and let her find out that im the one she wants!


Most Helpful Girl

  • Guys like you exist :) you sound practical, caring, and confident guy in general. And from what you've told me i can tell this women doesn't appreciate this much at all. If this isn't the 1st nor 2nd time she's done this then I'd advise you to let her go. Relationships shouldn't be this straining. It sounds like she isn't putting any effort towards keeping your relationship. I think that you should stay out of her life for now. she doesn't know what she wants, but won't tell you what's bothering her or anything. She isn't cooperatinh, trying to fix whatever is bothering her. That's a big sign that your not as important to her as she is to you. You've done your best to help. Don't feel bad for walking away.

    You can only do so much. Walk away. Your deserve and can get SO MUCH BETTER. I know you care for her but think about yourself too! What kind of partner do you want? Do you really want ALL of her? Not just when she's at her best? Is this something you can't live without?

    • I also think part of you is afraid to let go and start over again. Your judgement is clouded. Try to separate yourself from your feelings for a second and look at this from a logical point of you. Your helping her, doing everything you can. She doesn't reciprocate. What do you do now?

    • i dont know, i really just want to move away from society as much as possible, yesterday i gave her a piece of my mind by a letter.. i tried to kiss her at the end before leaving and she turned her head away, she is insane!!!


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What Girls Said 2

  • To me... She seems really confused and unsure of what she wants at this point in her life. You should be straightforward with her and tell her how you feel. There is no use wasting each others time if you are both not fully committed.

    • so i should tell her what i feel like, I've done this often, and i feel like typing a letter, its easier for me , and go to her place, sit next to her while she is reading it. Im still typing and i m thinking about dropping by without notice, its the last thing i can do... im fully committed but something is holding her back, and its not the other person she doesn't really seem to love. if he would be so awesome, she wouldn't have done the hot and cold game with me, nor would she had sex with me

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    • so bokm12bc what should i do in your opinion... doing nothing feels wrong but I've done so much already, im a great guy, she will lose that and i will lose someone i care for, i dont want that to happen but she is pulling the strings

    • Give her the letter so she knows how you feel. Then talk to her about her feelings towards you. You deserve to know if she wants a serious future with you or just wants to string you along.

  • The question here is: Do you really want a woman like this in your life?

    • i dont want someone like that in my life, i want the girl i know in my life, but that girl doesn't always appear. I still care a lot about her, even if she is being like this. I really dont know what to do anymore, its wearing me out completely, i actually feel like keeping my job for a few more months and then move away. whats the point of me staying her, having her around at work, seeing how she is making a complete mess of her life, while im standing on the sideline. Should i write her, should i talk to her, should i give her the silent treatment, make her realize she made a mistake.

    • You have to be sure about what you want. If you think she may like you, be clear. Be clear about how you feel and what you want. Tell her you will be there for her, but she will have to put effort to be the woman you deserve. If she says no, time to move on.

What Guys Said 2

  • girls are fucked in the head

  • Fuck her bro. Don't waste your time on someone who's not worth it. She's wants you she can come get it not the other way around. Remember, you're the prize. Not the other way around. Inbox me if you need anymore help.

    • I wish i could just say fuck it, i care for this girl, and imagine if she gets pregnant from me, i can't just say fuck it then... i just slowly reach that point that i dont know what to do anymore. I feel like writing her a letter, making her read it when im with her, at the same time, I've done this more then once, so far it payed off but she did this "" its better we dont see each other thing'' more then once to me. Maybe i should remain quiet for a while because every time i write her or try to convince her, with something she knows better then me, that she still likes me, i feel like im pushing her away. i just dont know what to do, i see her at work and then she looks at me, she can't stop looking at me , but she only does this when others dont really see it. i dont know what to do anymore...

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    • the confusing part is, that i dont want her out of my life... and i do want to know if our sex will have any consequences for us, i dont know but im not the type of guy to run away from this. just when her daughter seems to accept me slowly she does this

    • alright well if you want to hold on to this and be walked over go ahead. not my problem