Is it wrong to express your feelings to a man. Even if expressing those feelings would lead him to break up with his kids mom?

I feel like in a moral limbo here. A few years ago I rejected a guy I fell in love with when he asked me out for a date cause he was together with someone and had a kid with that person. I am borderline aspie and my social skills and dating skills suck big time so finding someone else who genuinely likes me is a huge feat and I couldn't help but continue asking what if? What if? So I told his sister about my feelings and I suspect that she told him about them and now he is single and wants to date me. So am I responsible or is he responsible or it doesn't really matter what happens. Am I homewrecker or is it OK in this circumstance to express your feelings.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It is ok to express your feelings. But destroying a relationship in the process is not. You have to think about yourself here. He already broke up with his ex - to follow his gut feeling. Give it a try. You can't do more than fail at a relationship and learn for the future ahead.

    Failing is a part of life - humans fail to learn. Stop doubting yourself. He made his decision - without your consult. You don't know if he was happy with her or whatnot. She might even be the greatest mistake in his life.

    Just don't let yourself be impregnated by him and see how he feels - follow your gut, turn your head off and go for it.

    And don't ask him about her!


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What Guys Said 2

  • You are not a homewrecker for expressing your feelings. I would not assume your conversation led to his breakup. If he's single, I think it's fine for you to date him.

  • Okay, so doesn't sound like you did anything wrong, but you already know he asked you out while he was involved with the other girl. Even though you didn't mess around with him doesn't mean he wasn't hitting on another who accepted and that helped end his relationship. He sounds like a player and you may very well get played. You defend him in saying he was being responsible after he got the girl pregnant? He doesn't sound very responsible when he was with her and hitting on you, does he?

    You do not have to settle for less than you deserve. I hope you see the light and move on soon.


What Girls Said 3

  • I feel as though you only have feelings for him because he is there and showing interest. Can you stand to be around him for extended periods of time? and why did you tell his sister about your confusion? IN this case it is not a homewrecking situationand you should never feel ashamed for expressing your feelings, im just worried over whether you genuinly have feelings for this person, a lot of hurt could be involved if you dont and you do start a relationship.

    • I'd say in a way, he is one of the very very few guys who I'm interested in and who is interested back at me. He worked with me for 2 years and it took me two years to realice that I had feelings for him. I told his sister, because she is my best friend and she is a psychoanalyst, rheumatologist and gastroenterologist and she usd her psycho-babble to glean information. Part of it was telling me that I couldnt love or give a shit about another person and I lost my temper and told her about her brother, after having kept it a secret for 3 years. I am just going out for coffee and I will just talk to him. From there, only God knows what might happen. Thank you for not being awfully judgeamental.

  • when the man you may love is married to someone else then yes it is bad, just as guys often give up when the girl is married to someone already you also need to give up, if you think thats unfair believe me its not, its only a tug of war until one side wins, and when i mean win i mean married, its never a good idea to emotionally attach yourself to married men, you can wait for if they happen to divorce (but dont ever influence it), or just give up and move on, it will definitely be difficult but it has to happen and you have to leave it alone, 65% of divorce cases in the world are caused by this, dont join the bunch.

    also, after reading your comments to @Hajar_Whitestone i wanna say this, the parent may decide things in the family but that doesn't mean the kids will like the decisions, best case scenario they'll hate you for tearing their real mom away from them, you dont have any right to rip apart any family just because of what you've seen or heard, and you never will.

  • You are a home breaker if you express your feeling to a married man, he has kids god sick stop being selfish you will make does kids losing their dad because of your behavior he did give you a chance and you did lose it, you did reject him, when he was ready to be with you, know after years you wanna tell him : ohh hi I love you but I did reject you? come on use your mind would you like that happen to you? after someone reject it you come back after having new life and tell you hi I love You but I did reject you? move on and look for someone else leave him alone you did got your chance with him but you did reject him, take responsibilities of your actions, you must think about all this before rejecting him.

    • He wasn't married and according to his sister he didn't want a kid with this chick but he tried to be the responsible parent. All stories have two sides.

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    • I have no problems with him being with his kid to be honest. We live in the 21st century where a lot of families have step kids. I'm not a succubous devil that would make him choose between his kid or me. His relationship doesn't work and if it isn't me it will be with another woman.

    • @Asker do you think the mother of the kid if she find out all this would let him see his kid again? she would destroy you and him and take the kid to somewhere else where he can never find him, think carefully there is a kid in the story...