Is it just bad luck?

I get told fairly often how handsome I am, have 3+ GPA, work full time, have a shit load of hobbies Im passionate about, and Im in three bands that are actually good, one of which is signed to a record label. Im a very good kisser, solid in bed, lived in Paris for a while and learned French, have a lot of rad friends, why can't I find a decent girl that wants to stick around?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Mr Anonymous, that is how things go in your age range. If you are a young man who has all the attributes that you mentioned you will likely be alone until you are past the age of 30. Without trying to pen a sob story intentionally, please permit me to share my history. You will see that you are not alone.
    By the time that I turned 30 I had graduated with honours, earned an army commission (reserve), was a television and radio presenter, a newspaper columnist, I had been prevailed upon to do some modelling, liked European cars, designer clothes and fine dining and had the money to indulge my tastes. My IQ is in the top 2 per cent and I am working currently on a doctorate in history.
    Do you think that at your age I could get a date, much less a girlfriend? Not a chance!
    Between the ages of 15 and about 30 women pass through the bad boy phase. They pick the most worthless piece of criminal-looking crap whom they can find and throw themselves at him crotch first. These bad boy types treat the women like crap and the women come back begging for more. This is because their whole lives they have been programmed by Hollyweird to think that the bad boys are more 'exciting'. Reference the James Dean, Danny Zuko (Grease) and Fonzie (Happy Days) character archetypes.
    After I passed the age of 30 I gave up. Whatever it was that women wanted, it was not me. I observed the first principle of military tactics, which is to fight only the battles that you can win. Then, a strange thing happened. Women in their late 20s and older began to hit on me, sometimes in ways that were not subtle. Apparently, as they near 30, a large number of women have an epiphany and realise that the minimum-wage retard in welfare housing might not be their best possible choice as a future husband.
    How you react to that is, of course, up to you. In my case I was so filled with angst and bitterness that I did not want to know. Ten years earlier the same women would have told me to fark off.

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What Girls Said 4

  • Being good in french, playing for 3 bands, being independent and having a lot of hobbies - those things attract girls who are interested in glamour and fun but if you want a girl who will stay long term you have to find somebody who likes you for who you are and not what you have or what you can do for her. That means instead of saying "I play in 3 bands" you could say something like "I do volunteer work with children's charities," etc... I think that will get you the type of girl you want. Another possibility is dropping a lot of your hobbies and replacing them with extra time doing school work so that you can have a 4.0 gpa instead of a 3.0+ You are very intelligent but maybe too busy right now. Cut back a little and see if that helps.

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  • Maybe you're narcissistic.
    You've not mentioned one negative thing about yourself.

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    • Lol I can see why you said that, but no Im not a narcissist. I've been through more than my fair share of therapy and I would hope that one of those incredibly intelligent and helpful people would have made mention of it. Im a psychology major who is entirely too self reflective at times. I can be shy sometimes, I have battled through a multitude of issues steming from depression, I had a pretty nasty childhood. The thing is, Im ultra aware of that shitty stuff and Im very honest about it. I try not to dwell on it too much though.

    • Maybe it's because you're too shy and might seem like you have low confidence (stemming from the depression).

      Anyway, I just meant, if you don't mention the negative things, how can people pick up on why you can't get a girl.

    • I wasn't offended (maybe slightly at first lol), but you're right I think about the confidence thing. For me it wavers. Sometimes Im totally on point, others I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror. I know all the good shit about myself, but not all of time. Sometimes I need to be reminded; Im usually pretty hard on myself.

  • Being good in french, playing for 3 bands, being independent and having a lot of hobbies aren't important when it's come to personality even if you are a king of country if you don't have attractive personality all that make you nothing truth hurt every guy think if he is rich or fame or good kisser or good in bed he got everything but guess what good girls doesn't care about how fame or good in bed you are as they care about how your personality it is..

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  • Hmm maybe its because how you treat girls? How did you treat your ex-gfs anyway? Are you possessive, lacking in communication, no time for the girl, doesn't go out for dates etc

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    • Good question. Im definitely not possessive, Im not the jealous type. The last girl I dated decided it would be cool to start reprimanding me like a child at the bar for not initiating communication for a 36 hour period, that was where I was done lol. Im a pretty strong communicator too, I won't get passive-aggressive with you and I dont really yell, but if I have an issue, Im going to tell you (respectfully). The last girl I really tried to get into it with started sleeping around and doing shit behind my back. I've had girls freak out and friendzone me after initiating every step (conversation, wants to go out, initiates multiple make out sessions). A girl I really fell for would say shit like "were just too similar to date", but then "youre the best sex I've ever had" will also come out of her mouth later in the conversation. It feels like Im just beating my head against a wall.

    • Hmm. Then I guess you dont have much problem only the girl you choose. I suggest try a low profiled girl, they're more into serious relationship than party girls.

What Guys Said 2

  • Your looks can be a problem. I've been told the same thing about my looks and I find they can sometimes isolate you from quality girls and draw attention from the crazy ones. Many girls become insecure about beaing with you because of unwanted attention from other women and have also found many girls assume your a player or full of yourself if your considerd very good looking. Just like really attractive women, guys too (good guys) can find it isolating and even lonely at times. Sometimes I find women can become very nervous meeting you. Also if girls who think they are hot or want to be, can get rather standoffish if it turns out you aren't into them. It can make it difficult to just be friendly with many women, because many really want you to like them, regardless if they want a relationship with you. Just like with really good looking women.

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    • You might be onto something there. Quite a few of the girls I've dated hve mentioned stuf about me being a "player" which couldn be farther from reality lol. I also have quite a few intelligent, attractive friends of mine that happen to be girls. However I dont find myself devastatingly handsome, so I dont get it. But i do certainly get attention from what turn out to be some pretty nutty females. Thanks for sharing your opinion

    • When I was 15 I started to grow a goatee and had it for many years. This was long before facial hair became fashionable recently. I shaved it off a few years back and woh it was like night and day. I found it very curious the immediate change in women's behavior around me. Suddenly they acted very nervous, some started treating me like a player (I'm so not) many women act upset if I don't like them, some look too much or try not to look at me, dating is difficult and I find it difficult to just be friends with some women. I also found guys can act strangely too. If their girl talks to me I get dirty looks, guys who are normally buddy buddy with me will barely acknowledge me when their girlfriend is around and will try to avoid me. It has even come close to fistfights when a few drinks are involved and girlfriends look at me a little too much. Now I feel I must point out that I don't get it (I never really consider myself particularly good looking) but women say I am so whatever.

  • You have to ask your old gf's not us. We don't know. SomethingWicked touched on the subject. There is something about you they don't like. Or maybe it is just the type of gal you drawn to? Maybe they are not looking for long term. Try picking a nice, natural gal that is consumed by the fact she has you for a bf. Also work on romance and more bedroom skills. You sound like as real catch, even wanting a long term relationship. Many gals would kill to be your love. Good luck!

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    • Thanks! Bedroom skills I think I have down, I've recently had two ex-gfs message me specifically about how they miss the sex. Problem is, they werent good girls to begin with and both currently have serious relationships, and thats soo not cool.

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