How to date someone with social anxiety?

I am really into this guy but I believe that he's got some sort social anxiety disorder. He's good with it just being us one on one but he talks about how he doesn't go to his neighbors bbq because he doesn't want to embarrass himself and he doesn't know what he would talk to people about. It's like it overwhelms him so he just chooses to stay at home in what he calls "his bubble". He goes out but I never really see him talk to many people and he gets really quiet when there are a lot of people around. He's always worried about doing something to embarrass himself in front of people, including me.

I am the complete opposite. I'm very outgoing and can pretty much talk to anyone. I really like this guy because he is a total sweetheart. Any tips on how I can make this work?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I used to have social anxiety and I think the best thing you can do is accept him how he is. If you start to push him to be more social, he'll probably pull away from you. If it's really a deal breaker, then don't date him. It's a horrible thing to suffer with and it can make you feel really bad about yourself. In my opinion, if you like someone, it means you like everything - flaws and all.

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    • I don't want to change him at all. I guess I just want to better understand the situation. I want him to be comfortable and I guess I'm just looking for tips on what I can do to help.

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    • Yeah, they are. I found that I was so worried about embarrassing myself that I my mind would go completely blank and I would literally have nothing to say, which just made me feel more embarrassed. Being comfortable around certain people and being able to say whatever I wanted helped me to realise that maybe what I had to say wasn’t so ridiculous.

      It is a long road though. It took me a long time to be able to speak to strangers and even now I struggle sometimes. But I personally think that if you can make him feel safe and like you’re not judging him, then he will probably feel more comfortable with you. It also wouldn’t hurt to really bluntly tell him that you like him exactly the way he is!

      Good luck! He’s very lucky that you’re being so understanding.

    • thank you so much for your help!! I feel a lot better about the situation. I really like him and if he can accept my flaws I can sure as heck accept his! Thank you again!!!

What Guys Said 1

  • You have to find a way to ease his anxiety. Alcohol always helps :)

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    • I heard that alcohol can intensify the anxiety. And I don't want to date someone that has to be alcohol induced. Lol

What Girls Said 2

  • Accept him for the way he is? I too have social anxiety and it isn't something you can just overcome I'm afraid... If he agrees and actually wants to change then its going to take baby steps over a long period of time... Talk to him about it x

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    • I don't want to change him at all. I guess I just want to better understand the situation. I want him to be comfortable and I guess I'm just looking for tips on what I can do to help.

  • You may be able to get him out of his shell. I have social anxiety too but also its part of my personality. I wouldn't want to be with someone too outgoing but that's just me!
    Over time you may be who he is most comfortable being around and you'll go places together. But he may not do much on his own. That can be hard on a relationship.

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