28 and never had a boyfriend. What's wrong with me?

I've always been focused on getting a good education and job. I've had crushes on guys but they were never interested in me. I've never been on a date.. EVER. I've had some guys ask me out but I said no because I didn't find them attractive physically or they were just not my type. I'm smart, independent, funny, outgoing, loyal, and honest. All my friends (the few that I have) have dated lots of guys or are either married. Some guys think I'm "cute" because I'm petite but nothing goes further than that. Is there something wrong with me?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Yes, there's something wrong with you.

    What's wrong is that you've made NO REAL EFFORT to date. You seem to think that dating is something that just happens to girls, but the truth is that girls have to do a good amount of work, to both be in places where single guys can find them, and to encourage the guys they like to approach them. You've clearly done little or none of that, and so it's no surprise that you haven't dated.

    If you're waiting at home on your couch/in bed for the perfect guy to knock on your door and introduce himself, then you're going to die alone. If, instead, you start taking an active role in your own romantic life, there's an excellent chance that you'll have a boyfriend in 6 months. Sure, it could happen sooner, but you're going to have to screen a bunch of guys until you find one that;

    - you like
    - who likes you
    - who is compatible with you
    - who isn't just looking for sex from you

    You do that by DATING. Dating is like a trial run - you get to know the person better, and you see if there's any kind of connection, and if so, you start talking about compatibility. What you do NOT do is rush into sex - sex needs to wait until you have an official relationship. Why? Because 90% of the guys who show interest in you will just want sex. That's not "bad", it's just how men work. You need to know going in that 90% of guys will need to be filtered out to find the 10% who really want an "official" relationship with you. This means you cannot think of the 90% you filter out as any sort of failure on your part - just the opposite, it means you are doing it RIGHT.

    Now, you may also need to lower your appearance standards - you aren't likely to get interest ONLY from guys who look like they could be actors or Abercrombie models, just as I'm not going to get interest only from girls who look like Victoria's Secret models. In a relationship, you'll find that personality and compatibility are FAR more important.

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What Guys Said 12

  • No, nothing's wrong with you. You're your own person and you can do what ever you like. You only think there's a problem because most people you know have done someone which you haven't. If you can go through the majority of your twenties not having any intimidate relationships then it must just not be that important to you.

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    • It's not that I didn't want any relationships, it's just that the guys I liked didn't feel the same way. So, I just focused on my education. It just seems that all the good guys are already taken.

  • nothing wrong, just try harder.

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  • To answer this simply, nothing.

    I think some people find the person for them later on in life. I think if you look after yourself are focused on getting your future secure then when it happens everything will fall into place. I see it this way you may never go through the hurt of a broken relationship. You may meet him and thats it for you for life.

    there's always different ways of looking at this but I believe you'll meet someone when the time is right. Stay positive.

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  • it's not bad... see the good-side of being single... A LOT OF FREEDOM XD

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    • I've had this freedom for too long. I don't want to be all alone :(

  • Maybe. Usually its men who have this problem. If you didn't reject the guys who asked you out you could earn some dating experience and besides that, you can't know if they're not your type if you don't know them better (looks excluded)

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    • True.. maybe it's karma for not giving the others a chance. But to be honest, those guys didn't have their priorities straight. They were just looking for one thing. I would much rather be with someone who likes me for my personality.

    • Fair enough.

  • don't think the fact that you didn't had a date or relationship means there's something wrong with you

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  • I'm 23 and never had a girlfriend

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  • nothing your just wsiting for the right man

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  • My advice is add flirty to your list.

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  • I am 20 and a virgin about to leave the country to find a other virgin.

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  • really you serious? because i'm a guy that is 26, almost 27 and never had a girlfriend, usually it seems there are more guys in this boat than girls are

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  • How do you know you have a type if you've never dated? Maybe you need to lower your standards if you don't consider (m) any to be up to scratch physically. There's not necessarily anything wrong with you.

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What Girls Said 6

  • Personally I think maybe you are setting your sights just a little too high, perhaps if you were to lower your standards/outlooks a little bit you might just find yourself somewhat more successful.

    It would almost seem that you are making yourself unapproachable.

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  • -you reject guys who weren't physically appealing or weren't your type
    -you were never interested in dating because you were focused on getting a good education and job
    i don't believe that there's something necessarily wrong with you
    your problem is that you're not into going out and meeting good guys.
    that's why you've never had a bf, nor dated. you just aren't interested. it doesn't seem to be your thing.

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  • A lot of people are going to tell you that you supposedly have really high standards, so instead of assuming I'm just going to ask:

    What is your ideal man has to be like? What do you expect looks wise? What are your personality requirements?

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    • My ideal man is someone who is ambitious, honest, trustworthy, outgoing, and funny. I would like someone who has a nice smile and great eyes, average/athletic/toned build and tall because I'm only 5 foot. I like someone who is a great communicator, knows what they want, keeps me laughing but also knows when it's time to be serious, has to be a gentleman. Are these high standards?

    • All of that sounds reasonable and honestly those are pretty much my requirements, except height really doesn't bother me.

      I never settled for anyone less, which resulted in me having my first boyfriend at 23. I'm 26 now and we're still together.

      Never drop your standards because you've never had a boyfriend. You shouldn't have to settle for a douchebag just 'cause the clock is ticking. If your standards were stupidly high, then trust me - this bitch would tell you.

    • Thanks, I guess I need to be more outgoing in order to find someone.

  • There isn't anything wrong with you. Relationship just wasn't your priority. I am in the same boat; and found myself doing online dating. Definitely out of my comfort as a shy, introverted 28yo. Maybe it's time to actively meet men. Work your charm, flirt a bit, and have fun! Rejections will happen, but there are plenty of guys you will screen to find that Mr. Right. I learn a lot about myself; what I wanted in a relationship; and how compatibility/connection feel like without basing on initial physical attraction. I weeded out all the guys that wanted a fling/sex. Dont make it a mission just cause everyone around is in a relationship. Things will happen naturally and when you at least expected. There is no rush:) And who knows; you may just like the single life. Good Luck!

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  • There's nothing wrong with u.

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  • really you serious? because usually i hear of guys being that old and having no dating/relationship experience

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