I have been so unlucky in love my whole life, that now I don't know how to move forward. Any suggestions?

Lets not go into details but basically, any guy I ever really liked.. liked me to a certain extent but God forbid they would become more serious with me. I have tried giving guys who I usually wouldn't go out with, a chance. Mainly because I enjoyed their company and they were nice guys. That would end because things never escalated (mainly from my side).

So I have given up, my parents are looking for someone for me. I am a die-hard romantic who always thought it would happen organically. I am ok with the arranged marriage but its like the death of my dreams. That one day I would meet someone, that the pain and torture was worth it. Its not real life, I know but it was my escape from the constant blow to my self esteem. After so much rejection and bad luck I have decided to give up. That I gave it my best shot and basically, its not possible for me to get the guy I really want. But, how do I find happiness in this? It is my situation and I can't really do much else anymore. I don't even want to, all my friends have found great guys and are moving ahead in their lives. I'm a really nice girl, funny, humble, objectively good looking (because I'm told so all the time), intelligent, stable etc. I have tried improving myself but I think I'm tired now. All I would like to ask is, how do I find happiness in being so alone and how can I alter my mind about finding companionship (note how I don't say love). Thank


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Since you are talking about an arranged marriage, maybe you could tell in what country you live and about your cultural background. It would help a lot in understanding your situation. Also it would help if you eplain what you mean with God has forbidden you to get into a more serious relationship. If I understand correctly (please correct me if I don't) you have the feeling that God didn't approve the relationships you have had, and therefore He made these guys to break up with you?

    In general I can say that if God really has frustrated your previous relationships, it means He cares about you. He could have some special plans for you, but you have to be patient to understand and see what they are. The best way to find out is by talking to God and ask him from the deepest of your heart. Tell Him about how bad you feel and that you are desperate and ask Him to tell you why you couldn't find your love yet. After you have to listen to what you feel in your heart, and interpret it in words. God will never leave a believing soul in darkness, but sometimes we have to find the way out ourselves. He just gives us small candles to show us the path, and we have to look very well to see them.

    I think you shouldn't give up to find your love. It can be that you haven't been looking for the right characters, or maybe you didn't meet the guy that was meant for you, or maybe the guy that is meant for you isn't ready for it yet. If you really believe that God has had His hand in your relationships, I'm sure He will give you the answers to your questions, when you open your heart to Him, because He is our loving God and will never abandon those who love Him :)

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    • Sorry, I used God's name in vain. I'm not really religious. I live in Europe but since I have never had a substantial relationship. Everyone around me is trying everything to help me find someone. arranged marriage won't mean I have no choice at all, but in general... it will be an agreement based on practicality and not love. No one in my family had that problem, all of them found love and are happy. I am the pretty little one in the family (since I'm the youngest) so no one understands how I can't get anyone, of course looks are no guarantee for a happy coupled up life but some just don't get it. I like your advice though but I am running out of time, I have passed the 25 yr mark and everyone is putting pressure to settle down before I turn 30 (even 28 tbh)

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    • That is the sweetest piece of advice. It makes me feel like I'm not as bad as I deem myself to be. I bet you get a lot of girls haha. Anyway, I will try to remember your words on another low day and to apply it to my daily life.

    • I can't say I have a lack of girls in my life currently :D... I'm really glad if I could cheer you up, and I wish you'll find your love :)

What Guys Said 3

  • hmm... the "i like them, they don't like me, but the guy that likes me i won't give a chance" paradox.
    pay attention to this line:
    "That would end because things never escalated (mainly from my side). "
    meaning it had the chance to go some where but you too busy wallowing around in your imagination to move forward. and now you are stuck. (i thought people outgrew this phase after 21)
    an arranged marriage isn't going to solve any of this, only you have that power.
    also, though love was not said, it was implied and referenced on several occasions. I do appreciate a good word play though.

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    • I actually gave a lot to the relationships, to make it work. But I felt like I was denying them the chance of finding true love with someone who loves naturally. Not to mention I was lying to myself as well. I guess most people do outgrow it, I genuinly tried to improve myself and adjust. I'm just really tired of having the same results. What power? I feel helpless because I can't force someone to like me enough to commit to me. They just never like me that much and I am left shattered, wondering why I'm not good enough

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    • You really hit a chord there. Its perhaps the best piece of info I have gotten on from anyone, ever. To tell you the truth, so many bad experiences have chipped away at my confidence. The first few, I handled graciously and took in my stride. The last two just shattered me. The last guy became my bestfriend, I really invested in us and when things were moving forward (on his part).. I moved along with him. But he abruptly decided he didn't want it. If a guy gets that chance to know you up close and then rejects you, its basically because you're not good enough. Thats a fact. No guy has ever liked me, I took risk upon risk... how strong am I supposed to be? I'm human, if I keep getting tripped up.. eventually I won't want to brush it off and get up again because there is nothing motivating me to. You get what I mean? More than finding someone, I want to know how to give myself that love again and heal from it. How do I find happiness? How do I feel good enough again? It hurts every day

    • take charge. guys get shut down every second approaching a girl, some without even having the chance to speak. they never lay down and just go "yea, I'm not going after anyone anymore" we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again later. if following and waiting for a guy to up the level is not working for you, how about you do it yourself. guys like a girl that can take initiative as long as its not so much that it undermines them as a man. show a little initiative and give them a chance to choose whether its good or not and you will begin to feel good again when your offer is accepted.

  • Sorry you've been having these difficulties--matters of the heart are never easy.

    I've read through the comments of others, and I think they've been giving you really good advice--so I though I'd echo for you to listen to them (especially about esteem). And then I have something a bit different to offer.

    Some of the questions I've answered have been more on how to attract/meet men. I thought I'd link you to one of those questions (it has a link inside of it as well, so make sure you check them all). Maybe there will be something there that is helpful to you:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1196998-how-do-you-get-a-guys-attention

    Hope that helps ;)

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  • Maybe it will happen over time. We all dont find what we are looking for in a relationship earily on. It looks like your the opposite of me. Where you, take on chances and date even though it dosent seem like your ideal mate or there isn't much of a spark. but you over look that and hope that this individual will one day grab your heart. Where i am more or less waiting for a girl that grabs my heart so i can make a commitment and until then i will just be myself and fool around. Not even leading on that i am into a relationship with them.

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    • Spot on! I guess thats the difference between girls and guys. We have a biological clock that starts ticking faster as we age :P. Also, the truth is, a girl's social standing depends on her relationship and a guy's on his success. So for a woman, a relationship will always be her primary pursuit and for a guy to prove himself.. whether its through his creativity, intelligence, money, fine taste, and so forth

What Girls Said 1

  • I've hit this point too many times, so I really understand where you're coming from. I've been through so many romantic woes and disappointments that I have wanted to give up too many times to count. My friends have moved on, gotten married, had kids, etc, even the men that screwed me over have moved on to find someone, which seems totally unfair. But you have to stay positive, and take this time to focus on yourself. I believe shit like this happens for a reason. Your single right now bc you don't need to be a relationship. Focus on your life and betterment. Maybe one day the right guy will come along, maybe he won't. But goodness, don't settle. Just hang in there.

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    • Thanks:). How do you stay positive?

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