What is the point of marriage? Why do we wed?

So why get married? Marriage is the last thing you can do with your partner in a relationship, so doesn't marriage signify the end? Could that be considered a bad thing? Please share your opinions on the purpose and practicality of marriage.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Marriage isn't the same thing as being in a long term exclusive relationship. Technically yes it is, but that is all marriage is, the legal declaration of it gives it a deeper meaning. You are declaring eternal love for one another in front of your family, friends, and God, you are also making it recognized by the government. It has a deeper meaning over just a piece of paper and saying a few words. Some people choose not to get married and that is their choice. Marriage also makes people work a little harder. I say that because if a couple is married they will be more apt to work out their problems over a couple just as committed to each other and not married.

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    • ah so you see a great dealof value in marriage. sentimentally?

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    • empathy doesn't make me feel reassured for some reason, but thank you for caring :)

    • its not empathy, its fact

What Girls Said 18

  • It's sad seeing peoples answers, not just to this question. But, other marriage
    related questions. People don't put any merit on marriage. They either think it's
    for legal reasons, religious reasons or the end of a happy life and the start of miserable
    existence. That's a very sad state of affairs there, we're all entitled to our opinions.
    But, if people view marriage like that. I'm sure there view on relationships aren't much
    better.

    Now, you asked "what's the point of marriage". Well, I can't speak for everyone else.
    But, for me the point is, love. That's why I want to get married, for love. I want to
    find my true love and soul mate and be married to him for life. Not for legal reasons
    or for religious reasons, but because I want him to be my husband. To me marriage is the
    ultimate commitment, it's a way to show that out of all the people in the world, they
    wanted to be with you and no one else. So, that's what the point is for me, love.
    If a persons reason for getting married is anything other then love, then they probably
    shouldn't be married. That's just my opinion.

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    • that would be my reasoning behind it too :) i was just wondering if, since people refer to marriage as the big day that a relationship is leading to, what happens next? is it the end? does the excitement and build up just go away?

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    • Haha, no I have not. I did use watch one of the many versions of Star Trek before
      school when I was younger. Does that count? :P

    • it most certainly does not :P haha this isnot right. screw marriage, star wars is way more important. we need an intervention

  • We, (my FiancĂ© and I) will be getting married in July, both of us are pretty traditional in our views of marriage and divorce. Me have already decided that divorce is not an option, it's not even part of our vocabulary as a couple. When you leave that option open then it makes it the easy way out.

    We both have supporting parents who themselves are examples of what it is to be in long term relationships and marriages. My Mom and Dad have been married 24 years, his Mom and Dad just celebrated their 25th Annevversary, we've both seen our parents work through disagreements, we've seen them work things out. We are so blessed to have two examples of how our parents have made their marriages work. It's our goal to make our own work as well. That includes being determined to not allowing ourselves to be in compromising situations, or inviting them into our marriage by flirting or having relationships with other people alone who could tempt or cause us to stray outside of our marriage. If it sounds prudish, I'm not sorry, nor am I the least bit embarrassed. My Fiancé is the most important person in my life, my Husband will be the same.

    We were just talking about an article about Jessa (Dugger) and Ben Seewald's Covenant Marriage. One which makes divorce difficult. We both agree that if it were available as a legal option in our state we would choose that option. I know this isn't for everyone, nor is marriage, it is the direction which we intend to take our relationship and our lives together.

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    • well first of all congratulations :) i dont think anyone thinks about divorce before a wedding but i do agree with you. that sounds like a very sensible approach to your marriage :) a healthy marriage would require that kind of hard work i think.

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    • 17 last Christmas, in front of my family, he had met with both sets of parents to ask permission before; I was surprised. Our relationship is not your usual boy meets girl. I've known him since I was 5 when his family moved down the road from mine. Fast forward we became inseparable best friends, never BF or GF, until I was 15 1/2, almost 16, when I had a serious discussion about love with my Mom. Through that discussion and a similar one he had with his Mom & Dad we were allowed to "court" with a chaperone until I was 16-1/2, though I could date at 16 by parents rules. Neither family is religious so that wasn't a factor, just found love of lives early. I believe our parents knew we would break things off, we did and dated a couple of others for a few months after realizing we loved in a forever way. We want to start college married next fall, when I start, he's already started this year. So 17. Early in some eyes, yes. Ours no.

    • fair enough, as long as you believe you can manage it then great

  • The end? I have a negativity towards marriage now-a-days due to all the infidelity that people don't respect the purpose of marriage.. but that aside, rather than the end, I see it more as THE BEGINNING of your life with someone you'll spend the rest of your life with and form a family with, who'm will make your life all that much more valuable than before. I think it holds a special meaning on some level, but It's supposed to be respected.. I don't understand why so many people get married if they're not going to respect it.

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    • oh i do respect it, definitely. i just got thinking about it and that concept popped into my head. i wanted to hear peoples opinions about it :) so the beginning? wouldn't you have already got a house together and already kissed and slept with each other? and dated many a time. hell you might already have a family? so after marriage, then what?

  • It's just a formally, me and my husband got married because if one of us died then he or I would have to fight for the house , property and I own my business. My husband would have gotten nothing by being just a boyfriend. Even if I left my estate to my boyfriend in my will, my living relatives could contest my will. I see it happen quite often. My state no longer has common law marriages , so I got married for a stupid piece of paper so my long term boyfriend (husband ) can claim want is rightfully his after my death. That is all.

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    • there was no sense of sentimentality? you married for practicalities? im not saying thats a bad thing :)

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    • If I had followed my heart and not my head I would have never met my husband. The man I had a crush on did not have anything in common with me he smokes , didn't exercise, wanted kids , wanted me to quit college. Nope I had strong feelings but as a life partner , he didn't have what it takes. My husband is a bit different like me, he was so shy he had his sister ask me out for him. He was sitting in the car waving like a lunatic as she explained that he's not crazy he's just shy. Funny thing is that we were working around each other he was a police officer and I was working in the coroners office and he was so commanding of his officers but would freak out if he even thought I was watching him. His so big and scary but was intimidated by me. That still makes me feel special. It didn't make me feel special then like it does now but that's because I know what love really is. It's just doesn't come easily for everyone.

    • aw well that is special. and a lovely story :) i know what you mean though if you aren't feeling it then dont pursue it. i certainly know love doesn't come easily for everyone. trust me i know that better than most people

  • I don't think it means anything. For religious people, they want to have sex without "living in sin". It also makes things permanent and says "I want to spend my life with you" But in my opinion, it means nothing. I don't think sex outside of marriage is a terrible thing like people make it to be so if you're already living with your boyfriend or girlfriend, why get married? You can be committed to a person for life without a piece of paper to say that you are.

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    • so you dismiss the sentimental aspect of making someone your own?

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    • yay thanks haha

  • @Shut_Up_And_Marry_Me I would like for once you speck without using guys code >.<

    I don't wanna get married so I don't think about it,, Sex isn't important for me, if I need children I can adobe someone :P like you said why we need marriage?

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  • Legal binding. You pledge ur love to that person and nobody else

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  • Honestly there's no point in marriage, it doesn't actually mean anything

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    • so you are someone who wouldn't want to get married?

    • I probably will for things like taxes and adopting children. But if it didn't come with any of those things then no. Marriage doesn't mean anything to me, so I don't care

    • fair enough, thank you for explaining :)

  • So you guys can change our last name :D.. and also it means that you want to be recognize as a real family. Marriage is a declaration that you love each other more than anything or anyone else.

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    • sentimentalist for sure :) do you think about your wedding?

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    • i shall cross my fingers with you then! good luck :)

    • Thank you :))

  • I dont believe in marriage or rather the people

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    • how do you mean?

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    • Yes of course that why I don't believe in it hahaha.
      people who get married are not even sure what they want. . look at divorce rates. And infidelity. I believe marriage is forever but unfortunately pple these days dont see it this way. They think they can continue to play ard and flirt. . then they end up divorce

    • true true. maybe the marriages were too soon with the wrong people

  • I don't know either. I honestly don't want to get married.

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  • Long time ago marriage was important but now I think it's just for credits because someone could have a lot of girlfriends/boyfriends but only few could make them a wife or husband. Only to someone that is so special to their heart.

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    • My point is one normal person could have 5 to 20 girlfriends. But I've never heard a normal person that has been married maybe 5 to 20 times. Lol There's nothing wrong with just being a girlfriend but it feels good when someone call you a wife. It's like you have the crown, you have the title. It's just my opinion though.

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    • fair enough thats true, thank you :)

    • You're welcome :)

  • It's sacred, but not natural. Like circumcision.

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  • For me as a muslim, its to stay with my man in the same house forever, for ups and downs,

    See we can't (I cant, cuz some muslims do it anyways) live with each other before marriage, i can't have sex with him before marriage (its our choice) , so i think that way we will stay longer or maybe for ever together,.
    My man and i know each other for 7 years and this year we r engaged , and soon get married,.
    So i dono why people live and have sex before marriage, if they keep it for after marraige its gunna last longer and people will have some reasons to get marriad , why dont you just date, see each other now and then, or everyday, but there's no need to live or have sex before marraige , just wait. Thats just how i see it

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    • thats fair enough. staying through ups and downs is noble and requires genuine affection. thank you :)

  • It was a big thing back in the olden days it was seen as sacred almost I guess, now marriage has no value in my eyes, simply because people just divorce willy nilly so what's the point I. Wasting all that money on a ceremony that's gunna last a year when you can just go on an extravagant holiday

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    • thats a good point, but i guess people genuinely believed it wouldn't come to divorce

  • tax breaks
    you legally can't cheat
    symbolic meaning
    you're more likely to try to work out marriage problems (like in the olden days) instead of just breaking up because there's no divorce or paperwork to deal with then

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  • Because you love that person so much. You vowel yourself to them forever. You dont want to spend any moment without, and life would suck without this person. Being married makes someone yours forever.

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    • until divorce :') nah im kidding. so you believe in the sentimentality?

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    • will do! :) lol

    • haha its appreciated :)

  • I have Been hurt so badly by men marriage sounds like a joke to me. But I'm not going to knock anyone else who does want to get married

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    • well the one thing i would like to say is dont let some jerks ruin men for you. im sure there are thousands out there who would love to watch you walk towards them down the aisle :)

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    • Your question triggered my feelings
      I mean really what is the point of marriage? I do not see one

    • well thats the point, i kind of dont. but im not saying that i would never get married, because for some reason it is, as someone here said, "sacred". so i thought i would ask. but i apologise for making you uncomfortable

What Guys Said 16

  • Today, there's no point in marriage. We can live together, have kids, etc, not get married. Or if people do wed, they can have "no fault" divorces, meaning marriage is a contract that can be ended at any time, with the higher earner being screwed.

    In times past, marriage had great value.

    1. It could not be ended without good cause, meaning people didn't divorce because they got bored, or "fell out of love." Adultery was serious and bad.
    2. Kids were usually had within wedlock, meaning they were provided for, had one parent around often as a stay at home mom, and a father figure every day.
    3. Women would usually marry virgins, and hence became more attached to their husbands, and had a lot less emotional issues. Today, a huge percent of women have major mental problems.
    4. Men's huge desire for sex was channeled into a family--which grew the economy, funded government coffers via hard working men paying taxes, discouraged men from being slackers, just coasting, or crime. It also kept birth rates high, so the population wasn't shrinking or dramatically aging.

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    • so in a way with more freedom, came a devaluation of marriage?

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    • If I met some great girl, I'd probably be happy to exchange vows in front of a pastor/mentor/etc.

      Sign legal paperwork and involve the state? Never. Ever.

      And if she gives me a baffled, angry look, I'll just say, "If you can't trust my word without legal force watching your back... how can I trust your word you wouldn't abuse that legal force?"

    • that is fair enough :) if a girl truly loved you and wanted you unconditionally then she shouldn't look twice at it and just accept it because of who you are

  • I am all for loving relationships--take a look through my posting history, see what I have to say about them. But I am very much not a fan of marriage, from a legal standpoint. There is nothing marriage can offer a man which can't be had without one (with the exception of people who hold traditional religious views). But there are many negatives.

    Just going to copy/paste a story about a man I know, I mentioned this in another question:

    "An older man I worked with got divorced (his woman filed after meeting another guy) and he had to pay alimony, child support, and give up possession of his house (which he built with his own hands). He had to live in his car for about a year and half before being able to save up enough money to live in low-income housing, and he hasn't been able to retire because of it."

    If you want to read more about men and marriage, check out this GaG link: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1196139-why-are-men-no-longer-interested-in-marriage

    I think the idea of marriage still holds some value, particularly when it comes to the stability and health of children. I think marital/family laws need serious reform.

    Now, putting aside legalities and finances, I do not think marriage is the ultimate ending point of a relationship--in fact, I think this viewpoint on marriage, as some great, ultimate achievement, is one of the primary reasons that so many marriages fail--the banal reality of marriage simply can't support the inflated pressure that's placed on it.

    There's a reason the vast majority of marriages are filed by women (from 66-75%)--women often are the ones with extremely high pressure on a perfect wedding. I've read research that the bigger the wedding, the faster the divorce. They also believe marriage will change their relationship. But it doesn't--it's the same relationship afterward. This disillusionment is disappointing, and divorce results. (plus, men aren't doing a good job in relationships, and they aren't tempering the consumerism-pressured fantasies of their wives).

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    • ----Continuing with more-----

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    • Not sure of the percentages getting into marriage. Culturally, the man typically proposes, but who knows why--was he pressured by the woman, did he choose it himself, etc.

      In any case, considering the financial/legal ramifications for a man, plus the tendency for women to overwhelmingly file for divorce, and the alarming number of divorces (about 50% of marriages, give or take depending upon where the data is retrieved), it just is not prudent to marry.

      In any case, I'll enjoy my relationships without it.

    • and good on you sir, thanks for sharing :)

  • Original purpose of marriage was to protect the mother and child. A woman, who couldn't work at the time was safe and her child was as well because the man was bound by marriage. We have new laws for child support to make sure the child is safe outside of marriage. One could reason that we don't NEED marriage anymore.
    But it still has value and purpose. It's a eternal (now less eternal with divorce) vow to that person that you will live and cherish one another forever. A public declaration of that love. The relationship is different once a pact is made.

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    • so how do you think the relationship is different after marriage?

    • Seeing how I'm not married myself, I don't feel qualified to give you real life examples. But it's worth asking others who have

    • ah thats fair enough. i think the consensus is that its not much different after marriage. but thank you anyway :)

  • In ancient times when men wanted women go continuously consumate with promise of fidelity, love and virginity, they would pay an amount of money/goats, camels, etc to a father to buy his daughter in marriage. Since he paid for her to be his wife, she would also have to adopt his name in the sense that she now became his property. A property who he could bang repeatedly and have children with. A property who would stay home and do all the house chores and not argue with him. That's how marriage started.

    It's evolved since then, clearly lol.

    But now in modern times, marriage is very pro women with a shit load of cons for guys. I don't personally see it as a necessity, but if my future long term gf wanted to get married; she'd have to sign a prenu and give incentive that the sex will not fade down early.

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  • Marriage was divinely established in Eden and affirmed by Jesus to be a lifelong union between a man and a woman in loving
    companionship. For the Christian a marriage commitment is to God as well as to the spouse, and should be entered into only
    between partners who share a common faith. Mutual love, honor, respect, and responsibility are the fabric of this relationship,
    which is to reflect the love, sanctity, closeness, and permanence of the relationship between Christ and His church. Regarding
    divorce, Jesus taught that the person who divorces a spouse, except for fornication, and marries another, commits adultery.
    Although some family relationships may fall short of the ideal, marriage partners who fully commit themselves to each other
    in Christ may achieve loving unity through the guidance of the Spirit and the nurture of the church. God blesses the family
    and intends that its members shall assist each other toward complete maturity. Parents are to bring up their children to love
    and obey the Lord. By their example and their words they are to teach them that Christ is a loving disciplinarian, ever tender
    and caring, who wants them to become members of His body, the family of God. Increasing family closeness is one of the
    earmarks of the final gospel message.

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    • im guessing you are somewhat religious? :')

    • yes, so I wanted you give you the religious perspective, sorry for the long comment

    • haha no no thats fine, i asked :') thank you for replying, its good to get different perspectives :)

  • >What is the point of marriage? Why do we wed?

    The point of marriage *was* to:

    1) Give men an incentive to take care of their children

    2) Ensure care for the wife into her old, unattractive years

    3) Ensure that most men were able to have sexual access to women.

    The point of marriage *now* is to:

    1) Further the goals of radical feminism by giving disproportionate power to the woman. This is good for businesses because women statistically spend much more money on much more unnecessary things.

    2) Broken homes, divorced parents, etc. also mean more power to the state, since such homes are less financially stable and more dependent on welfare.

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  • Hahahahahahahahahaha I think a lot of men see it that way actually. LOL. It's the END. Hahahahahahaha.

    I've never been married although I'd like to be one day. I guess the point is that you love someone so much that you want them to be yours officially, and culturally that means that you get married. That's what I want it to mean for myself, anyway.

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  • That's the step up of the relationship isn't it? Trust love blah blah blah. Instead of pondering about this,
    What is the purpose of life? <<

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    • haha so you see a lot of value in marriage? oh well i will work my way up to that once i have the smaller questions answered first :')

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    • ahhh, i meant i WANT to make it special. You knkow those random viral vids about some guy proposing in an super awesome way? It gets me thinking, b ut i have no idea on a very special idea. but, oh well, the time will come, hahaha :D

    • ohh i see haha just promise me that when you think of something, you will call it the smith special haha

  • So that we get a baby, it won't be a bastard? XD

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  • I'm trying to figure that out myself.

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  • I think it's because everyone else does

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  • It'a cultural norm. If you don't want to be an outcast, you better get married by age 30. If not, move to a liberal city. Now it's a cultural norm to have 50% divorce rates.

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    • thats a good point, i think most people propose and accept because its just what happens nowadays. even if they dont really know why they do it

  • Somebody has know where teh bodies are buried in case you forget. That's why :D

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  • its an unbreakable vow to stay together before witnesses in thick or thin

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    • but it clearly is breakable

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    • np. think about this for a second. the morals and values of the world change with time and culture. i sue the bible as a reference point for all truth... even has aliens in it and I've seen a ufo mysef. its also speaks of design of life... and how everything is linked to your body and psyche... its very comprejhensive and most people taht talk shit dont know anything about it.

  • Since women can treat marriage like a business, there is really no point of guy getting married unless they're a guy that's broke or marries a woman that has more money then him (because men usually don't marry or divorce for money) men are under the , mercy of women once they get married and if things don't go her way and only her way, the guy will have hell to pay (its extremely rare almost unheard of) for it to be the other way around. Like the old saying goes "A happy wife means a "happy" marriage" Check out this guys story. You will agree that he's "lucky" www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q1198073-how-to-get-a-blowjob-from-my-wife-like-every-day-good-ones-too

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    • wow i would hope that that story isn't the case for many marriages

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    • Happy with just being friends with benefits

    • oh wow, that must require a large amount of maturity

  • This would not even be a question if people would just follow the rules and not have sex before marriage.

    You share your mind, your body with someone else hence two bodies become one flesh.

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    • so you see marriage as the signal for higher levels of intimacy? im not sure if i would call them rules, but i can see what you are saying. i think that intimacy forms most of the basis for creating a good marriage. people have to know if they can be intimate before wanted to spend the rest of their lives together

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