A question regarding the 'friendzone'. Yes, again!?

I have a female friend whom I have never met in person (because we stay 100 miles apart). We met on a social networking site due to common group. We used to talk all kinds of stuff, including really personal ones, for more than a year.

She is extremely good looking (I have seen her pictures) and gets hit on by guys quite often (this is what she told me). But she has a tendency to go for jerks, and eventually is left emotionally hurt very soon. She claims she is a virgin, and doesn't want to lose it until she feels she is with the right guy.

I'm reasonably good looking myself, and do get hit on by girls occasionally, but nowhere close to her in terms of looks. Also, I'm not too keen on dating women just for the sake of it, so I have been single for almost 4 years now (after my previous long term relationship ended). And I'm a virgin as well. And yeah, I have this typical 'nice guy' image but I'm not boring or a pushover.

Neither of us had any feelings for each other. Then one day, during a casual chat, she said something like "I didn't accept that guy because he's just a friend, like you"). i was slightly taken aback, and asked her "Do you mean to say I'm just a friend, or am I in the friendzone?". To this, she responded :Of course you are, and I guess I'm in your friendzone too". I didn't know how to react. I told I obviously didn't have feelings for her at that point, but I always keep my options open so she wasn't in the friendzone. Then i asked her the reason for putting me in the friendzone and she replied "You're a bit too old for me (she's 23, I'm 27), and I prefer rough and masculine guys. You seem a bit too passive for my tastes". But then, she added this "Of course, if I met you in person, I'd probably end up liking you".

So now, what is this supposed to mean? I still don't have feelings for her, but I *may* develop them. If that happens, what are my chances, especially considering what she mentioned at the end (about meeting in person)?

Updates:
Of course, I'm unlikely to develop feelings unless I meet her too. But I may meet her due to a different reason in the next couple of months. In that case, if I do develop feelings, do i have a chance? Or should i shut myself from her (in terms of feelings) if I'm already in the friendzone? Because it is said that women NEVER EVER let men out of the friendzone. I'm confused because she specifically mentioned that she may like me if we ever met in person.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • We generally don't let guys out of the friend zone, this is correct, however this also applies pretty much to people we have met in real life. For people we only know through the internet, the rules can be different - we don't really get attatched because we don't really know them. She even said it would probably change if she met you in real life - so yes I think there is a possibility that you can move out of the friendzone

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    • Yeah right, and I think as of now its a non issue because I too don't feel anything for her. But I was quite confused because she mentioned so many seemingly 'undesirable' traits about me as the reasons for friendzoning me, but still added that she would probably like me if she met me in person.

      Ona side note, could you please explain why you never let guys out of the friendzone? I mean... you look for certain characteristics of attractiveness and he doesn't have it at that point. But suppose that changes later on and he does become attractive, would there be any harm in letting him out of the friendzone?

    • Like I said, people are different on the internet than in real life, so you may come accross as that on the internet but be totally different in real life - it's hard to judge someone's personality completely when you have never met them.

      And I only place guys in the friend zone, once I'm pretty good friends with them, and pretty much know that we wouldn't work on a relationship level. However of course there are always going to be exceptions to this rule, where I may develop feelings for someone I had previously friendzoned but it doesn't happen often

Most Helpful Guy

  • Friendzone shouldn't bother you until you meet her. If she friendzones you after meeting up... leave her. Friendzone is essentially just using someone for the benefits of the emotional part of a relationship without the physical part (the part I assume most guys want). Life isn't Burger King, she can't have everything her way. Now if you meet up an hit it off, more power to you but it seems like she has a preconceived judgement of you, from your interactions online. It may be a bit hard to change her mind but I say go for it.

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    • yes, I agree with that part about having pre-conceived notions. But in that case, I wonder why she would specifically mention that she would probably like me if we met in person. Maybe she just didn't want to hurt me, or whatever. Anyway, I guess I don't really have much of a chance with her, and its not like I have feelings now anyway. Better forget about this and friendzone her too.

    • Show All
    • As a response to this, please read the last comment I posted on ryry27's answer. The exact same thing I wanted to post here, but this stupid smartphone doesn't allow me to copy and paste on websites.

    • Oh, I didn't read your responses to the other's. Sorry.

What Girls Said 0

The only opinion from girls was selected the Most Helpful Opinion!

What Guys Said 4

  • Let her type what she want, she's basically saying that online your this way for me but in real I guess I'd like you. Girls don't fall for guys completely via online. It don't work that way. Yeah she friend zoned you, but that's online. That's something you worry about. Don't take noooooooooooooothing she say or do seriously until your two eyes sees it in person. Who knows when you two meet up your unlock that burning desire she craved for in a man. She might just settle for you due to you being who you are.

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    • Hehe thanks, I thought as much! Its not that we didn't want to meet, but the distance was too much. But in a couple of months, I'll be visiting her locality due to official work, so I may get a chance to meet her (if she agrees, that is). And even I'm not sure that I would want to date her, because as of now I feel nothing for her. These are just assumptions, ifs and buts!

  • I almost think you're lying to yourself. If you truly dont have feelings for her, this shouldn't concern you at all. So im assuming there's at least a little bit there. And going with that, I would say just stay the course and see what happens. BUT if you start having stronger feelings, let it be known. If you start liking her and she doesn't reciprocate, make your intentions/feelings 100% clear. And if still nothing, you have to cut things off out of respect for yourself so you dont hold on to a false hope or anything.

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    • Yeah, that's what i do. As a matter of policy, if I'm friendzoned after expressing my feelings, I always walk out of the friendzone AND her life with my head held high, rather than sticking around and hoping that she would change her mind (because she never will). Being put in the friendzone is not in anyone's control, but choosing to REMAIN in the friendzone is what losers do.

      But my scenario is quite different from an out and out friendzone, as you can see.

  • It means she has already written you off and there isn't much point to wondering about it. You guys do have 100 miles between each other anyways, and most people don't take a gamble with building a relationship based on text chat.

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    • If she has 'written me off', why would she specifically mention that she would probably like me if we met in person? Was it with an ulterior motive of making me develop feelings when I had done, and then reject me anyway to get sadistic pleasure?
      Although long distance CAN work sometimes (I have seen it happen), I don't intend to be in one in any case. I'm asking this because there just *may* be circumstances where one of us will relocate to the others' locality, due to career reasons.

    • Basically the whole scenario translates to "you might be a cool guy but based on text you are probably not what I am looking for".

    • That's fine then, its not that it will be any huge loss if things don't work out. I have been single for over 4 years now, so it shouldn't be a problem to stay that way until I can find someone.

  • I've never been friend zoned before lol.

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    • That means you're probably an insanely attractive bloke!

    • I'm alright looking my personality is what gets me most girls though my looks don't hurt. That and I always find out before hand how a girl feels about me and I look for the signs so if and when I feel anything for them I'll be prepared.

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