How do you cope with SO's past?

My boyfriend and I took a 3 month separation this year, and during the time he slept with someone else. We got into a fight about it recently, and I found out more than I wanted to know (ex. sex details). I'm really having a hard time coping with it. I don't want to break up because it's his past. On my end, i'm really suffering emotionally/mentally from it, and it makes me feel disgusted of him.

How does everyone cope with it? Are there some different approaches to thinking of it that can help me forget it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Separations usually means one or the other has found a significant flaw in going further into a permanent life bond. During this period, all bets/deals are OFF if not married. Thus I agree - it's his past.

    1. Also believe that separation is a time to scratch that itch that might be a hurtle or rethinking through experimentation if one made the right life choices. It's best to believe this is now over.

    2. Your being disgusted - suggests one of the roots to the problem (s) that led to the separation might be contrary views on sex, however minor or few. He didn't find it disgusting, you did... how are the two of you going to compromise rest of life? It appears YOU will have to bend a bit more b/c he was willing to scratch that itch when the opportunity arose.

    3. You have a history as well that he must dismiss. Even if it's pure as the driven snow, THAT could be the problem he has = not dirty enough thinking, acting, needy for. Odd thinking? Don't judge, just work the problem.

    4. The only thing left addressed is... whether all this can be buried with assurances another separation doesn't present more sex opportunities later that are more crushing than this. This will take one-on-one compromises, deals and love to mold these two into one love partnership that fully satisfies both. ARE both of you willing to satisfy the other... without being disgusted?


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What Guys Said 3

  • I understand I had the same thing happen with my exs. At the time we were moving back towards getting together again and even dating here and there. She got drunk and cheated and it tore me to pieces. Just be calm and talk to him. Tell him how you feel and why you feel that way calmly. But also try to understand his feelings and that if you are back together and if he told you he probably feels really bad. Give it time a month or so to see if it passes and if you really can not move forward explain it to him and make the tough call.

    • Also like people have mentioned below as much as it hurts you have to understand that you were separated and he did nothing wrong. It sucks and I know that in your head the separation was probably just needed space and you were still with him in your heart so loyal. But in his head space meant something different and something very understandable and not wrong. You have to try and forgive him and understand that. Its a perception thing. From where you stand its one way and from where he was it was another. You have to talk about it and try to move forward looking at things from the same position.

  • You weren't dating, because yo uwere seperated.

    What he did then ain't your business and you can't hold it against him.

    Get over it.

  • Jealousy is not healthy, he knew how you would take it so should not have done it or went back with you. You should move on.


What Girls Said 1

  • Ditch or deal. You have to forgive and move on or let him go. Your feelings are always justified but you must take ownership and let your head do your thinking. He didn't cheat but shared his sexual history sith you. You can feel hurt but you can also know he is a good guy and you weren't together.