Why is it easier to date a friend but harder when they break up with you?

I like this guy and we have only been friends for 7 months and anytime we hungout it would be in a public place with all our mutual friends. We haven't hungout in a while because we both have kids and jobs that we haven't had time or babysitters. He just asked me today to come hangout with him after work. i know he really likes me because not only has he told me but we have talked about it. Like i said we always hungout in public with our mutual friends and because i felt nervous about going to his house alone with him anytime he has asked i won't go even with mutual friends going. I've heard things like all he wants is sex and he is just going to use you but from what he's told me he said he won't make me do anything im not comfortable with and he doesn't do friends with benifits. That is two things we can agree on. Then he asks because we got into conversation he thinks im antisex. im not against sex but i dont want it to be the base of our relationship if you get what i mean. so tonight we are going to this new bar that he wants to go to so it will just be US and thats going to be ockward. anyway why do i feel this is all going to be so ockward? we have been friends for 7 months and so it should be easy for me to hangout with him alone. also how come its always scary to date a new person in your circle or should i say newer but its easier to date a good friend but hard in the end because if you break up you usually lose them as a friend? Why am i feeling shaky about this? i shouldn't because we talk through text all the time, hangout together with our friends and we like eachother. Is it because im overthinking what everyone else is saying and not listening to what he is saying even though i think they are kinda right because he messaged me last night around 2am and wanted me to come over. Please help


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What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think you're over-thinking it. For a woman 30-35, your analysis seems appropriate. In my opinion, he is not looking to develop a deep, meaningful relationship with you. I feel he is, in fact, looking to have sex with you as a priority over loving you. If he said he is not into 'friends with benefits' prior to you bringing it up first, he is lying - or deluding himself at best. Furthermore, it feels awkward with him in this scenario, because of basic Sexual-Tension. What you described is text-book sexual-tension. I think your heart and head are in a normal place, but he is being less genuine - again, this may or may not be intentional on his part - but either way, the affect is going to be the same; that being once the you and he either have sex or have a good run of on-top-of-the-clothes stuff, his practical and LOVE interest in you with decrease dramatically immediately. If you were my friend, I would advise you to go ahead and spend time alone, but KEEP IT CASUAL with him. Keep the date in a casual atmosphere - even if you are alone together in his car, keep things light-hearted (i. e. no sexy music / no intense conversation / NO SEX TALKOF ANY KIND) and my guess is HE will initiate some serious kissing within ten minutes of you two being alone. If not, and if he DOESN'T keep steering the conversation towards sex and/or your growing relationship, then he is probably real, and has been telling you the truth - and if that is the case, then congratulations. I have my doubts, but keep it in mind, if the conversation keeps landing on sex, or sexy topics, or how attractive you are, or past loves, or ANY sexy/sexual topic whatsoever... he is not being genuine. Not with you, and maybe not even with himself. Good luck, and God Bless. Let me know what happens.

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What Girls Said 1

  • Maybe he possibly has an interest in u for sometime now but he's been tooo shy to go about it... only time will tell. U can hang out alone with him if u want but don't have any sex with him because then things could become ugly. Wait forawhile until u get to know him better

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