I just called my bf to tell him I was hanging out with my guy friend tonight. Total mistake?

I just called my bf to let him know where I will be tonight. I don't know how he feels about me hanging out with guys really but I do know he doesn't like the idea of guys trying to talk to me.
He is with his friend tonight, a guy. & I have someone who is in town and I told I would see. So we made plans sense tonight is my free night. I called my bf because I felt he should know I where I am going to be tonight rather than find out later or never tell him.

Was that wrong?
He was just kind of like, "huh. Okay?".

I feel stupid for even telling him now.

Updates:
I'm sorry for making you feel any type of way last night. Know that my intentions were nothing but pure... I don't like the vibes this morning & feel like, yes, you're upset with me. & I can see from a different perspective why. I just wish it was something we could talk about. Even if you read this and are not upset, I still apologize. I really want to be with you tonight & hope that it turns out you do too...
That is the text I just sent.

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Most Helpful Girl

  • no, thats the right thing to do. it's good you called him and told him. that way he didn't find out later and get upset about it. he probably just didn't really know what to say. don't feel dumb though. you did the right thing. he'll appreciate it.

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    • Thank you for confirming that. :)

    • you're welcome :) i hope he doesn't get angry at you, and everything works out smoothly.

What Guys Said 15

  • Initially, I planned on reading through all comments but there's too many. So here's my statement:

    I don't believe you were wrong in the fact that you let your boyfriend know where you were or what you were going to do. I think that was the right thing to do in this case, since you were meeting another guy 1 on 1.

    His confused reply, I can understand. For him, it seemed like you called him out of the blue to let him know you were going to be with some other guy. Alone, the two of you. It could have been fine though, if you had explained that he was an old friend visiting, that you guys were just going to talk for a bit. I think it'd be respectful to ask your bf if he was alright with this.

    Speaking for myself, if my gf went to meet a guy 1 on 1 I'd definitely appreciate her letting me know in advance and asking me if I'd be alright with it. I definitely would not like to find out about it later, gives it a kind of "behind my back"-ish vibe. Other factors such as if the guy in question like-likes her and such are also taken into consideration.

    I don't think you did anything wrong, and you've shown your good intention of wanting to resolve this matter. You're handling it very maturely! He's lucky to have you :).

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  • Call me insecure, call me jealous and overly possessive if you will but I would find it disrespectful for my girlfriend to be going out 1-1 with another dude. I wouldn't kick up a fuss about it, I wouldn't start any argument or start throwing around ultimatums like some men, but I will have my beady eyes on the nearest exit door from the relationship.

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    • That is exactly why I felt like he should know because it was something that was important to be honest about. My friend flew into town this weekend and I had told him I was going to see him, so it of course had to be the opposite day of seeing my bf... & I didn't feel like I was respecting him by not being honest about it.

      Now I don't know how to get him to talk to me and I feel like I lost our night in whole. Tonight was supposed to be special. I miss him and was looking forward to it all week.

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    • No problems and I hope you get this situation resolved soon.

  • I think that's so awesome of you. I think the opposite, I think it looks shady if you hang out with a guy & don't tell your boyfriend. I've had problems where I got bothered with my girlfriend for hanging out with a guy & not telling me & me finding out from someone else later.

    Even if he's upset about it, if he found out in the future somehow I bet he'd more upset by it because you didn't tell him.

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    • That's what I thought. I just hope i didn't ruin his not or have him thinking i am trying to make him jealous. :/

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    • Well thank you for comforting me in my actions that I took. I appreciate that.

    • No problem. In this situation you shouldn't feel bad for trying to do the right thing.

  • It's a good thing you told him that (stating the obvious). I'll tell you 2 things that you will fashion from this:

    1. He's going to trust you a lot in any situation.

    2. He's going to be very honest and transparent with you.

    Ohh by the way there's a number 3:

    You conscience will not kill you :D (for what it's worth)

    Don't worry about your bf, he's just a little creeped out. I guess it happened all too fast. He needs a little time to digest everything. If he loves you he has to trust you. Let him know that. Also, tell him that you would never do anything cheap. I'm sure things will work out for you :D

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  • I kinda what to say dump him because if he so insecure about you just hanging out with a male friend then he shouldn't be dating. I was in your position. I had a girlfriend who didn't like me talking to my female friends and told me to loss them. I refused and dumped her instead. Just because someone gets into a relationship doesn't mean they should ditch they're friends just because they are the opposite sex.

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    • I considered that today but this is our first little hiccup of sorts and I don't want to just run away. I feel like we should be able to have conversation about us and hope for the best right now.

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    • If u found out that he hung out with a cutie secretly, than it is up to u.

    • If someone is a NEW friend of the opposite sex then that is disrespectful... If it is an old friend of years, I don't see a problem

  • I mean how would you feel if your boyfriend called you and was like "I just wanna tell you that Im hanging out with my girl friend tonight... cya" xD

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    • I wish he would tell me. I would actually appreciate that. Instead he doesn't and I know that because I saw hi tagged in a girls fb status that he hid on his fb.

      I don't like secrets. & I felt like I was being respectful. Now... I just don't know what to do but give him space. It's taring me apart.

    • People that worry about cheating etc. are generaly the ones that are doing it themselves. So if he is worried about you just hanging out with a friend that happens to be male then you are the one that should worry!

    • Well he was hurt while in the service by someone he gave his heart to. I don't want to assume he is a potential cheater

  • You did the right thing, I'm sure of you went to see that guy and didn't tell your bf he'd be more annoyed.

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  • If I was in a relationship I wouldn't want to know. What you do on your time is your business. And if it just so happens that my gf was cheating then so be it.

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  • it looks like u r very curious to know his reaction. n why do i feel that u expected him to get jealous n get mad on u?

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    • In making the call I was not curious to know his reaction. I just don't know his expectations in the relationship yet and I did not want to disrespect him by not telling him. If that makes sense? & stupidly, I sent a snapchat clip of my finished chores telling him that I look forward to tomorrow and have no obligations but spending time with him ❤️... He never responded. This morning I said good mornin via text and he said hi. I asked him to the farmers market and brunch because we were going to spend the day together and he said nah. I feel completely rejected and like such a fool for even thinking that he would feel good if I was upfront about where I would be.

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    • I would answer them normally. I have known my friend for ten years. He moved to Wisconsin last year is only in town for the weekend. He is like family, he is my managers son & my manager is like a second mom, she watched me grow up. Iwe went to a hookah lounge because it is favorite thing to do.

    • just tell everything to your bf the way u told me, he will have no worries or doubts in mind even if he had any. as a bf i would definitely like to know where she is going n with whom. i don't think just by asking these questions any one should be considered insecure. even if your bf asked these questions to u, don't think that he is insecure. it's just that he is concerned about u n wants to know.

  • If I were him I would probably feel insecure since you might end up liking the guys you hang out with more than him...

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    • So what you're saying is that you have trust issues.

      That's not your hypothetical girlfriend's fault. You need to work on yourself.

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    • @MaskedSanity but I don't want to control a woman's actions, where would the fun be? it would be like living with an inflatable doll

    • @Insaan

      I didn't say ALL Indian men are rapists and horrible. You're hearing what you want to hear, playing victim.

      You replied to my comment saying it's common in western culture to cheat. I pointed out that it's not a cultural thing and there's plenty of cheaters in Indian culture as well, plus poor treatment if women to boot.

      I pointed out that you're one to talk, when your country isn't any better.

      It was your decision to take this as an attack on the whole country. I merely questioned your stance on controlling women, which you actively avoid answering. This leads me yo believe that you support treating women like property, control and punish. Otherwise you wouldn't have a problem discounting my assumption. Why else would you try to dodge answering that question for DAYS.

      So yeah, thanks for confirming that.
      Bye.

  • Why don't you all hangout together?

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    • Because he is grilling steak and my friend is not available till like 9:30, by that time my bf will be knocking out because he works at 4am every day. I just made it tonight so I could spend the night with my bf tomorrow and enjoy our time without ditching my friend. I had to fit him in some where.

      You think he is annoyed I told him I am hanging out with this kid?

    • Yeah a bit

    • So much for trying to be honest... There is always a side of awkwardness and confusion

  • If I was him I'd be threatening to break up with you. But I'm kind of an asshole.

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    • Because I hung out with a guy?
      He hangs out with girls...

    • Well if I was a woman I wouldn't want my man hanging around other girls. It goes both ways. If you're single it's fine to be going around chatting up people of the opposite gender, but when you're seeing someone exclusively, you really need to cut that shit out. Even if you don't cheat, you're putting your partner through Hell by making them suspect you might be. It's like burying body bags full of rotten meat in your back yard every other night for your neighbors to see. Eventually they're going to get suspicious, and tired of the smell, and call the law. You keep hanging around guys, or he keeps hanging around girls, eventually one of you will get to suspecting something is up. And don't give me that trust bullshit, it doesn't matter how much you trust someone, that has no effect whatsoever on whether or not they'll cheat. You can trust a snake not to bite you, that won't stop it from biting.

    • But just because there's a snake, it doesn't mean you'll get bit

  • he sounds like a little beotch

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  • It's got fuck all to do with anyone what you do be it family, friends or a girlfriend/boyfriend it's you private life so no need to say anything.

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  • No I think you did the right thing... the only thing wrong would be is if you are doing this on purpose, like, calling him to tell him just to piss him off or whatever (assuming he does get mad)

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    • Not on purpose at all. I was really awkward in saying it smh. I went on telling him that I was calling because I wanted to be honest and that I wasn't sure how he felt about me hanging out with other guys but he should know that tonight my from out of town is in town and I will be going out with him tonight.

      Totally awkward. & he was just like... "Hmm. Okay?"

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    • Not at all. I guess just how awkward the conversation went I feel stupid for telling him.

    • Like I said, you shouldn't feel stupid for telling him. The only reason you should feel stupid, is like I said, if you did it on purpose (intent to piss off)

What Girls Said 3

  • If I go somewhere, I always tell my boyfriend (we live together). I think it's plain considerate, so the other person doesn't have to worry.

    He should appreciate your honesty. It means you trust him not to flip out on you just because the person you'll be hanging out with is male.

    Should you have hid that fact, it would show that there are issues with this relationship. So far his reply doesn't say anything in particular, just looks like an acknowledgment of you going out, maybe with a hint of "ug, me confident man, me no care", but that's about it.

    I don't think you need to worry about anything, don't over think it. If he brings it up, then you can start worrying. But for now everything seems fine.

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    • Turns into this morning he is very short with me. Saying "hi" to my good morning and "nah" to our date...

      I don't know what to do and I feel so rejected it sucks

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    • Not a conversation I want to have over the phone with him. I believe it is important face to face. I get your point tho

    • Oh definitely, face to face is the way to go. I'd never discuss such a thing over text or phone, it's just a recipe for disaster.

  • Not everybody has an issue with their girl hanging out with other guys. Some do but many do not. If he trusts you then feel free to hang out with other guys.

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  • I'd let him know either way.

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