How to get over first date nervousness?

I don't know why. I'm 19 years old. And I get petrified about going on dates. I get lots of guys attention. I can talk on the phone for hours no problem. If we run into each other accidentally I'm perfectly fine. My confidence is one of the things I'm most proud of! But for some reason, going on a planned romantic outing with a guy just freaks me out. I think I had a bad experience once when I was young so now I hate it.

I'd so much rather meet up at a party or something with no pressure. But I know that's not a good way to get to know each other. How can I get over this? I can be the most confident girl in the world. But this just makes me feel so insecure and nervous. Help!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Don't freak out! I suspect this is a common fear; lots of people don't like the awkwardness that inevitably comes with first dates.

    You could avoid the problem by going to parties and group events instead of first dates. But it sounds like what's freaking you out is the "planned" part, because that makes you feel pressured and that's the real problem. This is always an issue with asking someone out, I think. It's nigh impossible to plan fun and spontaneity, so I always try to keep any date plans flexible and my expectations minimal.

    Some people (OK, mostly guys) have really rigid rules for dating: on Date 1, we'll do X until 10pm, then do Y, then I'll take her to my place and she'll kiss me good night because I spent $50 on her. On Date 2, we will blah blah blah. If this sounds horrible to you, you're not alone ;)

    It sounds like what would make you feel better is to go on casual, low-pressure dates with guys who are *not* like that at all. I wish I could tell you how to go about finding them.

    Also, jrmontano and VirtuesQuest also have good points about choosing relaxed, casual date activites. Dates that are cheap, silly, and easy to leave on short notice are great because then it's not a big deal if things don't end up the way we planned.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Well for starter you never go out on a romantic dinner date with someone you have just met. It'll put the guy in a awkward position. Try a more relaxed environment like a movie, some ice cream, bowling, etc and see how that goes.


What Girls Said 1

  • The pressure may be in being alone. A great way to meet up is hanging out with a few close friends: bowling, outdoor event, carnival, arcades. It is a great ice breaker. Try it and tell me what you think.