So I've just started dating my boyfriend Alex. We started making out the other day and he was trying to take all of my clothes off I asked, if we could just stop there. He stopped but I could tell he was a little annoyed. This isn't the first time I've stopped things and I can tell he's getting anxious. But my damaged self esteem makes me shy.
Growing up I only had my dad, and he was mean to me a lot. I wasn't the skinniest girl back then, but he would always pinch my belly and tell me I was fat. Or hed tell me that guys think fat girls where ugly, and he'd always say I needed to loose weight. He also called me ugly a lot. Because of this I started closing off and becoming quite, while just accepting his comments. Eventually my self esteem got ruined and I became so quite that I didn't talk to any guys (which just made me more self conscious because I assumed they where disgusted with me)
But I've lost weight since then and I've become more happy and open, but when it comes to getting intimate I'm really shy. I feel that once he sees me he'll be disappointed or think I'm ugly and leave me. I'm also afraid that once he has sec with me he'll leave (I always assume he'll leave me for someone prettier). Overall my self esteem is just ruined. And I want to tell him but I don't want to scare him away. So how do I tell him without really saying it?
Most Helpful Girl
Tell your boyfriend exactly what you typed up here. I'm sure he'll be understanding with you telling him, and it'll help him also get why you're so shy/closed off to him when you guys are getting intimate.
At teh beginning of the relationship with my current boyfriend, I sort of had to do the same thing. I was very distant and hesitant to open up even on a personal level, as my ex had led me on for a long time, as well as treated me disrespectfully when it came to sex. I felt terrible for being not so open to my boyfriend who was the biggest gentleman at all times, so I just told him, hoping he'd understand that it had nothing to do with sort-comings with himself.
It felt much better afterwards. He was totally cool with it, and it helps for both partners to know each other's history when it comes to things like that as it makes it easier to navigate around certain topics more appropriately.0