Am I a bad person for not wanting to keep this secret?

My boyfriend proposed to me, but he can't afford a ring or the wedding so he wants to keep it a secret. He doesn't seem to realize how over time I have begun to feel like he isn't serious and my self-esteem has begun to plummet. He doesn't want me telling my parents or anyone at all. He tells me it is a pride issue for him and that he doesn't see any reason for me to be stressed about it. Now I not only feel hurt for having to keep the secret, but feel hurt that he doesn't think about how I feel about it. Am I a bad person for being tired of a happy moment becoming a stressful burden?


Most Helpful Girl

  • You're not a bad person, neither is he, and neither of you are wrong or right either. I get why he wouldn't like people knowing he proposed to you without a ring, especially your parents, but I also get why you'd want to tell people.
    Maybe ask him if you can just tell one or two very close friends? Your parents would be happier if he gave you a ring though, you know how parents always want certain things for their kids and think nothing is good enough sometimes.


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What Guys Said 1

  • Tell him how you feel and decide whether you can live with it or not...


What Girls Said 1

  • I think you have every right to be upset, but you don't need a wedding or a ring to get married just go to the courthouse and you'll be legally married... What matters most is that he proposed and you're together.

    I've always said that I don't need "THOUSANDS" of dollars for a wedding I'd prefer the courthouse instead...

    • He's very traditional about that kind of thing though. He doesn't even like me trying to split the bill at restaurants. I got a wonderful guy, but my self-esteem is like a roller coaster.

    • I undestand, but rings and weddings cost money. If you truly love someone you don't need all those things to feel happy and secure. Having him is all you need. Those are material things anyway...