How to come out of the closet as a couple?

So here's my story.

My best friend of 3 years and I decided to start dating a few weeks ago. We're very close, and feel very comfortable with each other, and I think we're starting to feel comfortable with the idea of dating (at least I know I am).

We've previously spent the night at each others' places in different rooms, but recently started sleeping (no sex) together. This last weekend, I spent the night with her and she wanted to get up early in the morning because she was afraid her roommate would start to ask questions about us. And I was like so what?

She already has met my parents, and has a standing relationship with my mom (they text a lot), and we've met a bunch of the others friends, but how do we "come out of the closet" as being a couple and stop introducing each other as "this is my friend...[name]"?

I really like her and feel comfortable. Like I said she's my best friend for 3 years, but she still seems a little hesitant about it, even after thinking about it for months. I asked her out 5 months ago, and she asked for time to think about it. She didn't say anything to me for 4 months before she said yes by making out with me.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I imagine most people already think you're a couple! You can't hide it if you've been 'sleeping together' when she has a roommate!

    But it sounds like she doesn't think you ARE really a couple!

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    • So what do I do to change that?

      - When we had our heart to heart she told me since she's a few years older than me... she fears I haven't had my "wild" time yet to go and do whatever and she fears that if we get together that I would cheat on her.
      - I don't really know what to tell her to ease her mind on that, but I'm not that kind of guy I've really only been in 2 semi-serious relationships before, but I am a little religious and have gotten that "Catholic Guilt" sometimes when it comes to thinking about other girls. I went out on a few other dates while I was waiting for her to respond on me asking her out, but I couldn't go out with other girls because I was already invested in my best friend. (I haven't told her this).
      - This weekend I finally came out to her that I started taking Rosetta Stone classes to learn her language. To me I think that this should show that I'm committed to her.

    • And yes you're right. Most people already have thought of us as a couple for awhile. There's always been assumptions that if "J" is going to be there, then "T" is going to be there too.

    • So there's a cultural as well as an age gap operating here! That's a lot of hurdles. I think you should proceed carefully, and listen to all her concerns.

What Girls Said 1

  • She doesn't seem entirely sure about this relationship- even the way she confirmed she wanted to be with you, doesn't sound too convincing. Like, more emotional, than logical. Then she's had time to think about it and she's now unsure.

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    • Can you develop this thought a little more please?

    • Show All
    • I'm always straight forward. My approach is, I need answers. Somthing's not adding up and it concerns me, because I want to know where I stand. Reassure her that you would appreciate her complete honestly and you will be respectful of and receptive to what she has to say. Very simple, don't beat around the bush.

    • I mean I'm comfortable to go either way right now. We promised each other not to take our best friends away from one another. I really respect her so much that if she doesn't feel comfortable moving forward down the relationship path that we could just be friends.

What Guys Said 1

  • what is her reason for not being sure about "coming out" about your relationship?

    I'd be concerned that there was some underlying issue that she doesn't want to face. I'd wonder how committed she was to the relationship.

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    • I'm not sure, like for instance when we first started kissing and what not... I didn't want to do it in front of her roommate... and she knew it. But now after a little bit of time has passed I don't mind or give a damn what he thinks, but I think she is still uncomfortable with the idea. Is it still too new for her? Have things not sunk in yet? ... Sleeping, kissing, touching etc for last 2 weeks.

    • I'd talk to her about what her issues are about not being public. ask her point blank, we've been dating doing this for 2 weeks, why are we still keeping it a secret?

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