Would you date a man 20 years older than you?

Would you date a man 20 years older than you? I did and it ended badly.

He was manipulating me and his game was way better than guys my age. His game was so good that I didn't realize I was getting played until I started paying close attention to him.

Updates:
That was my first and only time I will ever do it. Sticking with me my age from now on!

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Most Helpful Girl

  • That has nothing to do with his age. That's just how manipulative people are.

    I had a friend that was dating a guy that was 21 when she was 19. He was actually dumber than her, but that's not how manipulation works.

    It starts off slowly with things like "I don't want you to go to that party without me, babe, can I come with you?" then "I don't want you wearing that it shows too much skin I should only be able to see that much of you honey", then over time that becomes "You aren't allowed to leave the house unless *I* tell you that you are" and "I don't want you going anywhere without me" and "You're having my baby because I don't trust you and I want to make SURE you're staying at home".

    It's not an overnight thing.. it happens over the course of 6 months-years! Some abusive guys don't get their first hit in until after they've been with their wives for 10 years and they know they won't leave them.

    Manipulative people know that if they start treating you like shit from the jump you're obviously going to leave them immediately so they don't do that. They work slowly and see how far you allow them to go before they move on.

    Best thing you can do is keep your eyes peeled and watch out for little warning signs and pay close attention to your partner. I'm glad you noticed early on and got out, but yeah it can happen to someone of any age.

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    • Yes he started out treating me like a queen. Then he slowly changed one night he told me he didn't want me to go out because he said I would find another man and forget about him. So my dumb self stayed at home while he went with his friends.

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    • You're right

    • Just because a guy is older, doesn't mean he is having a 'Mid-life' crisis, or wanting a little 'toy' to manipulate!
      As you get older, and know more types of people, you find that some people are the kind you like to be with, because they make you smile, or they share interests, or they 'challenge' you to be better than you have been, settling into middle-age complacency!
      I ADORE this 28 year old woman at work, because she is HERSELF, and a bit 'SASSY' and unpredictable!! She MAKES ME SMILE!!
      She knows I'm older, and I haven't asked her out, but I have heard from the others, in the office, that she KNOWS I 'Like' her!!
      I'm unsure about the age difference, but she doesn't seem to care, and 'flirts' with me, a lot, but I need her to feel OK about the age 'thing'. It doesn't matter to me, at all, but for younger people, it's more of an issue.
      No manipulation, no 'control', just maybe finding someone 'special' like it should be!

What Guys Said 6

  • I would not. He would be 64 and I am not gay

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  • My friend, who is my age (46) dates a girl young enough to be his daughter. In fact, she is younger than his daughter.

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    • How is it working out

    • Well, it's not a seriously relationship. He enjoys his time with her and she enjoys her time with him. However, neither is looking for anything more than hanging out and having sex.

  • No way I'd date a woman 20 yr older than me!

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  • Did it end badly because his age or because he was manipulative?

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    • Manipulative

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    • He didn't look his age he looked like he was in his 30's

    • Ya your right

  • Guys of any age can be manipulating and older guys tend to not only have their shit together they also tend to be more loyal. You made a bad choice of men simply.

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    • I guess so cause he wasn't. I know more older guys that cheat more than the younger ones

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    • OK I was just going by what I've seen

    • Have you taken psychology yet? I think you would love it if you have not.

  • What sorts of things was he doing?

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    • He would make it seem like everything was my fault and he was always right

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    • Haha, well, I think he just didn't want to lose you, so, he became possessive. It's rumored that women are more likely to cheat than men are

    • Ya ur right I broke it off but He's acting like nothing has happened

What Girls Said 11

  • I would not. The idea kinda freaks me out... I'm pretty close with someone 7 years older, but that's my limit.

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  • If you're under 18, best to be avoided. I have dated someone who was 17 years older than me... and he wasn't manipulative. I think it all boils down to personality and ethics. There are good people and there are bad people. There are manipulative people and non-manipulative people. I'm speaking in generalities, but you get the point.

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  • Yes, I would date a guy who 20 years older then me, I usually like men who are
    older then me, and somebody that is 46 wouldn't be that old.

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  • FUCKING YES!!! And they do have ridiculous game. Go a little older once they get around 45 or 50 they don't have game anymore and they just wanna be sweet and settle down.

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    • He was around that age... he didn't start off that way he was sweet and so called settles down. He changed after awhile and showed his true colors

  • No i don't go for men who are grumpy, couch potatoes, farts a lot and can't clean up after themselves.

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  • No way, not ever. I once had a pretty huge crush on a guy eight years older than me, but that's the furthest I'd ever go.

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  • No... He could be my father and that would freak me out too much

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  • No, I wouldn't. Especially when he's (still) a player.

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    • Yap most r still players or wanna b players. They r worse than young dudes

  • No I wouldn't.

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  • That's about old enough to be my father. No, thanks.

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  • Heck yeah I'm 14. When I get old enough I'm dating wayyy older men. I currently like a 48 year old man.

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    • Huh I hope your just crushing

    • Lol yaaaaa he's a lawyer

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