I used to be very overweight. One of those girls who people would say "had a pretty face". I worked my butt off the past few years, lost the weight and am attracting a heap of attention from men.
This is great however, I don't like the fact that it's my looks that these guys seem to solely focus on. I'm smart, funny, witty, kind and compassionate; all traits I developed to I guess "survive" socially whilst larger. I'd much rather someone say I'm a nice person than look "hot".
I have to admit I'm still very intimated by the "gym guys" I seem to attract these days and not to sounds judgmental wouldn't want to be with someone so focused on their looks or who would have ridiculed the old me.
Instead I like the sweet kind of goofy chubby guys. I'm attracted to a man's personality much more than his looks. The only problem is these guys don't seem to trust my intentions or either go all clingy or as my friend puts it "puppy dog" on me ( go overboard with the sweet texts, gifts, compliments, try and move things ahead way too fast etc.)
I've dated a few guys since loosing weight. One of which said "he doesn't trust girls as gorgeous as me". Another who after some amazing dates and sex turned on me and said "I must have some interior motives and must be using him" He even barked at me "what do you really want from me! You could have anyone! Why me?".
I'm not the sort of girl who expects lavish dates or gifts. The dates with the aforementioned guy were simple and I was really happy with them; Subway and a movie, ice cream and a walk, movie and pizza at our places. Nothing lavish and I always offered to chip in or paid for certain parts when he'd allow it. So I don't think I came across as a gold digger and I'm certainly not materialistic.
So how can I gain the trust from the men I date/show them my personality more? Should I be upfront about my weight loss early on? I'm still very self conscious talking about it.
Most Helpful Guy
Fuck whatever a chick says in response to this. Guys think logically. we tend to think that people that share likeness belong together. In male social hirearchy the men at the top play pranks on the lower men and this is how we maintain social balances. when a female (you) from a high part of the female social hirearchy dates men from a lower portion the lower males are used to being in a way attacked by higher ups. a lower male will thingk you have ulterior motives because he sees no reason for why you chose him when there are obviously males with more to offer you physically than him.
TL;DR men are physical beings women generally arent. we dont understand wanting someone for just their personality.0
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