Is the mistress ALWAYS the one to blame?

When a man has a mistress, she is usually the one who gets slammed, criticized, stigmatized, and all that. But do you think that the wife might be at fault, at least to an extent? Perhaps she might be the reason the guy is unhappy and sought happiness somewhere else? Also, what if the mistress didn't even know that the guy was married? Is she still considered the "bad guy?" (Or "bad girl," rather).

In your reply, please tell me in what kind of scenarios you think the mistress/husband/wife is to blame, if that makes sense.

Or you could just tell me what you think of those kinds of relationships in general. If you yourself have ever dated a married man, then I gladly welcome your opinions!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Is anyone surprised that Azara wants to blame the man and only the man? Anyone?
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    Anyone? Some people are so predictable...

    This question is very complicated. The traditional answer has always been that the man is 100% at fault (sound familiar?). That, of course, is a simple-minded answer that ignores so many realities of human nature and relationships.

    The man does of course shoulder at least some of the blame because he cheated when he was in a committed relationship. And some men (and women) are just cheaters who have no excuse. BUT...

    The mistress sometimes shares the blame, depending at least in part on whether she knew he was married.

    The wife likely share at least some, and perhaps a significant amount of the blame, depending on how well she met her husband's needs, and let's fact it... they are different than hers. Ignoring that factor is incredibly naive and until we as a society decide to face that reality we will never begin to understand why people cheat.

    How about we move beyond the gender bias and actually try to understand the issue rather than just pointing fingers and resigning ourselves to the knee-jerk gender biased responses (e. g., Azara)?

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    • yes.. because divorcing is illegal and you can get stoned for it.

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    • Thanks for MHO!

    • Thank YOU for you answer! :)

What Guys Said 9

  • I think cheating is just about one of the lowest things a person can do. If the mistress knows the guy she's with is married (or in any other committed relationship) then she's a low-life. The husband who is cheating on his wife is a low-life. The wife at home may not be perfect, but she doesn't deserve to be cheated on. If the husband is so unhappy with his wife he can leave the marriage, and then take up with somebody else.

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  • A marriage is a partnership. When there are disagreements, both sides try to make the best of it through compromise and caring. But neither side has a responsibility to completely agree with or satisfy the other. If one party decides to go outside the marriage and cheat, it is that person's fault. If things were so bad that person could not stay within the bounds of marriage, they need to leave the marriage (divorce). So the main fault is on the cheater.

    The other party is not in a partnership (marriage) and owes no loyalty. Good morals would suggest they keep away from married lovers, but they have no loyalty ties. So they share little blame in this situation.

    It is too easy to blame the spouse as not doing enough for the marriage. That can be true in some cases, but as I said, there is divorce. But usually that was just an excuse the cheater uses to justify cheating, and they want to have the spouse and the sex on the side, too. Let the blame fall where it belongs, on the cheating spouse.

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    • You really hit the mark when you said, "they want to have the spouse and the sex on the side, too." That is so true: cheaters often want both.

  • Hell no. The 'other woman' is almost never the cause. I don't really want to lay all the scenarios out here, cause of the character limits, I'll have to break up all my thoughts ever two minutes. I should just write it in a file and send it to you.

    But, usually only the woman who was cheated on, blames the mistress. Usually, not always.

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    • I agree that the mistress is almost never the cause. One of the reasons I posted this question was because recently I have been trying to understand these kinds of situations because people make them seem way too black and white: the husband is a bastard, the mistress is a slut, and the wife is completely innocent. The end. I knew, however, that there is more than that and that it's much more complex.

      Thanks for your answer.

  • A dysfunctional marriage causes it. Surely the wife is not giving the husband what he wants, and the mistress comes along to save him.

    I've heard stories and discussions about things like this. The mistress is just doing what the wife is not doing.

    in my opinion both parties are wrong.

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    • Makes sense.
      Thanks.

    • Wait - who are you referring to when you say "both parties?"

  • In simple situations.. No. U can't clap with only one hand. Figure of speech

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    • Nice! I've never heard that figure of speech.

  • Anytime the situation comes, the significant other has the choice to blame their partner or the person they cheated with. Most times they are still in love so they will get pissed at the other person and only upset with their partner because they want to work it out.
    So the answer to who should be blamed? That's up to the person who got cheated on and no one else, because we don't know the specifics. Maybe the cheater truly regrets it and would never do it again. An absence of wisdom that lead to a bad choice. Or maybe he's a serial cheater.

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  • I mostly blame the person that cheated, and not the mistress or the wife.

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  • The unfaithful spouse is largely to blame, for straying. The other partner might have some, for denying them sex on a consistent basis.

    The mistress (or other man) might not even have known the unfaithful spouse was married! Even if they did, they are the least guilty.

    Note that I'm not specifying genders here, Asker.

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    • Yes, I noticed that you did not specify genders. The cheater could have been the wife and it could have been "the other man," instead of "the other woman."
      Thanks for your answer!

  • No even if the wife is the old witch from oz it doesn't matter marriage is marriage and he should respect that if any one is to blame its the foolish man

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What Girls Said 8

  • why is everyone At fault but the husband lol

    he's the one thats cheating and hurting to people.

    the mistress isn't the one in the relationship. his relationship is his responsibility. and as you say often the other woman or man doesn't know they are the 'other'.

    and the person being cheated on probably doesn't know.

    the cheater can leave. if they are so unhappy. or discuss it. cheating lis a conscious decision. the cheater is to blame for cheating. everything else is something else solved some other way than cheating.

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    • And what about if the wife decided to give up on marriage?

      Men that have been married for 10+ years like to say the same thing, but in different words. "My wife is getting fatter and fatter every year. She doesn't cook, doesn't clean, she just watches TV all day"

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    • @sexiasianboi26 so marriage is cooking and cleaning? did the husband wanted a wife or a replacement mommy? he's a grown ass man, he should be able to feed himself and do his own laundry.
      I agree with the fat part though, if my husband got fat I wouldn't be able to touch him.

    • @sexyasianboi26 so marriage is cooking and cleaning? did the husband wanted a wife or a replacement mommy? he's a grown ass man, he should be able to feed himself and do his own laundry.
      I agree with the fat part though, if my husband got fat I wouldn't be able to touch him.

  • The man is probably the most to blame. For all you anti-women fuckers, if the wife had cheated on her husband, it'd be the wife's fault.
    Then it's the mistress if she knew, if she didn't, then she isn't to blame.

    Yea, people can say the wife or the person cheated on is also to blame, but not really. If you're married, or in a relationship, you should learn to communicate with your spouse. I don't care if you're an unhappy wife and wanna cheat, or an unhappy husband and wanna cheat. You grow the fuck up, remember your damn wedding VOWS (which are promises) and you talk it with your partner. There should not be any "looking elsewhere". If you look elsewhere, just get a divorce or separate.

    The mistress or side guy isn't really to blame. Why? Because if it wasn't with him/her, it would've been someone else. And even so, I don't care if the sexiest man or woman got naked and was sucking your dick or pussy, as the spouse (knowing you are married or in a relationship), you should have self respect and integrity, if not at least respect for your wife or husband at home. Though the mistress or side guy would have a little bit to blame, if he/she knew the person was married or in a relationship, ultimately it's the cheater's fault for choosing to betray their wife/husband's trust. I don't care if you're man, woman, intersex (hermaphrodite), transgender, etc. whatever, if you want step out of the relationship to cheat, you're the one at fault.

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  • I wouldn't put the blame solely on one party. However, I have to say that a cheater of either sex is always, and I mean always, a coward and an immature bastard. Instead of confronting any issues they may have in a relationship (ranging from boredom to outright abuse), they don't face them like an adult should. Even if the woman isn't pleasing her man enough, it's his RESPONSIBILITY to tell her that there's something wrong. Same thing if it's the woman cheating. Retracting into a side-relationship is about the most pathetic thing a person can do - they expose themselves as selfish, indecisive bastards.
    Now, the mistress - if she doesn't know about his relationship status, she may be a little naive, but not evil per se. However, if she KNOWS that she's the other woman, she should have enough girl balls to step aside.

    Whenever there's cheating, there are enormous levels of immaturity involved.

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  • The wife will always blame the mistress, because she doesn't want to admit that her husband doesn't love her (as much) anymore without external factors.

    The mistress will always blame the wife to feel better about what she's doing.

    The husband will always blame the wife in front of his mistress and to his wife (when she finds out) he will always blames it on the mistress. Why? Getting empathy/sex from mistress and diverting anger.

    In reality the most guilty person is the husband himself.

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    • Hm. Makes sense, to an extent.

  • Its always the husband at fault. He is cheating on his partner. His fault entirely. If he is unhappy he should just divorce.. there is never an excuse to cheat.

    Same thing if the wife is the one cheating... its is all her fault.

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    • I'm not sure things are quite that black and white, but thank you for your answer anyway.

  • It takes two hands to clap..
    the cheater and his mistress are to be blamed

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  • The mistress AND husband are to blame. Not the wife. If the husband is unhappy, he needs to discuss that to his wife, but cheating is never an answer. It's disgusting and despicable.

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  • well i think it is the cheater like maybe the mistress didn't know that he is married so i think he is to blame in all cases because he shouldn't have cheated on the first place

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