Do guys always assume a single mother has "issues" because she has a kid and isn't with the father?

The question says it all. I'm a single parent and I don't have issues. I'm not with the father because I chose not to be because he has way too many issues of his own and he's not in our lives. I got pregnant through trickery (yes, it does happen), and I couldn't live with aborting my child. But I'm emotionally and psychologically healthy, I'm intelligent, ambitious and a good, independent parent. But do guys hear "single parent" and think I'm bound to have more issues than a women who doesn't have kids?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • To be honest, I get the feeling a bit. But I usually ignore it.

    I think this is because, in many cases, I've known single mothers who went out with totally obvious douchebags because they were "hot like those jersey shore guys", and then wonder why he jumped the gun the moment she got pregnant. Like, she should at least take some responsibility for the guys she was looking at. A much less aggressive guy might not have the "sexy edge" she's looking for, but "edge" is basically synonymous with drama.

    You don't go out with this:
    i68.photobucket.com/.../39ARealLiveDouchebag.jpg

    ... and then expect some happy stable relationship.

    That being said, that's just my past experiences kicking in, which is why I remind myself to treat each girl as a totally different case.

    Another thing that crops up is the fact that women often have no libido once they have a kid. So if you're in a relationship with a single mother whose ex cheated on her or something, it feels like she actually had feelings for THAT GUY, and is keeping you around to help her raise THAT GUY's kid. It's a rather insulting predicament to be in. But again, I judge each case on an individual basis.

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    • I don't want a man to raise my kid, I'm doing that. I'm capable and independent. But I have a sex drive too, I have no hang-ups about my ex's and I want a relationship where the man sees me as a woman, not just a mother, that pisses me off. There are people with far worse emotional problems tham someone with a kid but I'm the worse option? It's infuriating

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    • that's a bit stereotypical. you act as if the only guys in the world who aren't involved with their kids are all the same. when in fact they come in many different flavors.

    • oh and that picture is going to haunt me thanks

What Guys Said 14

  • No, not that they have issues. But most guys would like to see a NEW sign on a girl's uterus. No previous occupants. When a man picks a partner, he wants to know he won’t be competing with some random babydaddy who was there before him let alone spend their blood, sweat and tears on some other guy’s genetic offspring.

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    • Well that's messed up. I'm more modest, respectable and loyal than the majority of single whores who go around renting their body to any guy who winks at them. If guys would prefer an STD over a devoted, loving women who happens to have a child then that's their loss.

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    • I wanted opinions to the original question, however I responsing to the responses.

    • This conversation... is over.

  • I don't assume, but I presume. That presumption is based on valid inductive reasoning from substantial evidence. However, it may be overcome by evidence of a particular case.

    What kind of a psycho tricks a woman into getting pregnant, and what was it that attracted you to him?

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    • Yes he was a pycho. And I also acknowledge my own actions and I took responsibility for the role I played. I have no "issues" about the father. I threw myself into a relationship as a rebound, I overlooked the red flags and the relationship didn't last long but I found out (to my astonishment) that I was pregnant after I left him and so I handelled it like a mature adult.

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    • Not sure where you're from, but where I'm from out of wedlock birth is so common that it's become worthwhile to shorten "baby's momma" to "babymomma". That's a sad commentary on western civilization, I know.

      What I meant was that I could see that you can acknowledge your own role in creating your situation and are not seeking sympathy or special treatment. Most "babymommas" where I'm from consider themselves victims of circumstance, and can't take responsibility for anything.

      I guess what I'm trying to say is, you go, girl. Good luck.

    • Ah... thanks... yes.. thank you lol I had sex and so I handelled the outcome like an adult, the situation was what it was.

  • Nah, not "issues," but definitely some hard times.

    I know it must be difficult to be your age to raise a child by yourself even if you are awesome. It would be for me, so I somewhat assume the same for everyone else.

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  • I don't think that's the general assumption. Guys hear 'single mother' and think 'kids' first and foremost.

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    • So guys can't understand that we have other duties. So do single women, a job, or study, or whatever else. We just have kids.

  • Lol I usually assume something is wrong with the father.

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  • No, I don't. I was almost involved with one and just because she has a kid made no never mind to me. She wasn't with him anymore for a reason.

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  • No, I'm simply not going to bother with anyone that has a child, period.

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    • Your loss to assume that the aren't worth the effort just because they have a kid. Some of us aren't comfortable with abortion and some women are. Doesn't mean we got preganant from being whores or that we have "issues" because we're raising a kid on our own. but as I said to the other guy I'm happy to have guys take themselves out of the running because they make a judgment based on me having a kid, I'll be left with someone best sutied for me.

    • My loss? Yeah, I'm obviously losing such a catch by not wasting my time on basics, stay mad.

  • i don't judge...

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  • I have disagree with the guy poster who said women have no libido once they have children.

    I'm in a stable long-term relationship with a single mother who has an 8 year old from another relationship. She most certainly has libido without a doubt.

    I find the big difference is their time is quite limited given they have parenting responsibilities. When she wants to become intimate and have sex you better make sure your game ready because the next opportunity might be awhile. Make sure you satisfy her sexual needs at the appropriate time.

    If you don't satisfy her needs at that particular time you will be hearing about it through the backdoor. She will start complaining about housework, and other frivolous matters. You will be yelling at each other. But, you neither of you are really arguing about "those things". You aren't arguing to prove something, your arguing to screw something as Lauren Martin explains in her blog post Why Make-Up Sex is the Best Part of Every Relationship" (see elitedaily.com/.../)

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  • Yeah, too much baggage... I know your circumstances are complicated butttt I just think it's too much baggage

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  • Being a single mother usual makes them poor, and, dependent on the father to pay support (quite a few problems here), dependent on the government, dependent on parents to help pay for the child). Less likely to find a husband. Yeah, issues, BUT, loving of the child and self sacrificing.

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    • How did he trick you? What type of guy does that?

  • It really just begs the question, should people have premarital sex

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  • No, we don't assume that you have "issues".

    But we DO assume that you have "baggage".

    Y'know, because you do. You've got a little fun-killing parasite clinging to you that sucks away your time, your attention, and your energy, to say nothing of your sex drive.

    Which is harsh, I know, but it's true.

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    • That's not true at all. I have a healthy sex drive and heaps of energy because I have balance and structure in my life. As for a child being a parasite, maybe that's what you were to your parents but my child is a blessing and any other parent who loves their child will say the samr thing. There are plenty of people with far more "baggage" than me and they don't even have kids.

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    • Sweetheart? Ha whatever. You ain't no prize.

    • Lol, really? I trust that shot will help you sleep better. Good luck with your dating endeavors.

  • I think they just think of kids, and think it's a bit too much. I mean it's definitely too much for me. I've never had a girlfriend, I barely can date, a single mother would freak me out, even though I totally play it cool when someone tells me they are. I think only single dads would understand single mothers.

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What Girls Said 7

  • you choosing not to be with the father when you realised he would be a bad influence for the children suggests you are a strong, independent young woman who deserves the utmost respect for not becoming desperate and needy, rather becoming strong enough to have confidence in supporting your children on your own. it's not impossible to raise a child alone. and so i believe in you, and respect you for choosing to do what is better for your children and yourself. but i do hope you will not give up finding your true significant other because of this

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    • I haven't given up at all, it's something wonderful to look forwards to, in the meantime I have lots of things that keep me happy and when I do start a relationship it will be with someone who meets my standards and who is right for me. I don't want a man to help me raise my kid, I'm doing well at that on my own. I'm certainly not going to settle for any guy who will date me, because I hate men who think single mothers are somehow desperate or bad judges or character.

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    • Hehe thanks :)

    • no problem :)

  • Honestly, my first opinion is that something was wrong with the father. The only single mothers I know have either been cheated on, broken up with as soon as they got pregnant, or after a break-up the father just didn't want anything to do with her or the child. I think this way because it's what I've witnessed, but I'm sure it can be the woman's fault, or both. I definitely don't look down on single mothers though, if anything, I admire them for how well they handle motherhood. It's definitely hard work, and it's even harder when you don't have a spouse to help.

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  • I agree with some of the guys' opinions on here of what first pops into their heads. I have a step dad that is more of a dad to me and my siblings than our own father. First off it's one in a million to find because let's be serious, most guys in their younger ages are finding out who they are themselves and who they want to be with. I believe that it's not that we have "more" issues. It's more about if they are ready to take on that responsibility. I have a friend in fact that wanted to date a woman with a child and was unsure. He asked me what it would be like and I answered as many questions as I could for him. In the end he dated her and now respects women who are single with a kid. And even though you say that you will raise them and don't want them to, they will look up to them as a parent and some guys aren't ready for that. The guys that say no because they don't want to put up with the kids well they aren't worth the time. My kids' dad didn't have the patience they needed and I'll be sure not to get with another man that doesn't.

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  • I know a lot of single mothers who date and have remarried. I think mature men are the ones who won't make those assumptions without getting to know you first.

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  • Not at all. Being a single mother is completely oppossite of having issues, it shows you have strength and that you love your kid very much. Everybody has their reasons for splitting up, but since you have primary responsibility for your kid that means you are a good person fit for the job

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    • So many guys see it as something negative that women choose not to abort but instead raise the child on their own, they can spin it whatever way they want, it's very judgmental and they are ruling out so many wonderful woman and basically saying that the child is to blame.

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    • That's what I figure. If they jerks can take themselves out of the running then less work for me to sort them from the decent men lol

    • Exactly girl, don't sweat it

  • You don't have issues. They just don't want to deal with kids right now.

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  • I'm not sure but they probably do. I just hopped aboard on the same boat that you're on. When my boyfriend found out I was pregnant he pretty much rejected the baby with every fiber in his body and bailed out on me. I was devasted but now this baby has slowly become my sole reason to live. Honestly, I don't see myself being with another guy. Most of them can't look past the fact that you have a kid and to me a child comes first. Even when you find a decent guy and decide to form a family they'll never love your child the way they would their own that's why I'm staying with my one and only baby.

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    • I did have another relationship with a man who did love my child and for a short period, we were a family. I think I have much to offer but it just saves me time if idiots who judge me negatively for being a single mother take themselves out of the running.

    • Yeah that's true well I hope you do find a guy like that. As for me, I want to become more independent. I don't ever want to rely on a guy for happiness.

    • I'm completely happy. No man is needed to be happy and I have standards. I won't have date them unless they are the man I want, and sex is off the table until I feel completelty sure that the relationship is a serious, steady one. I find happiness from a milliom other things and if one I share that with someone then that would be lovely.

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