Why is it so hard to get a good guy?

I haven't had much luck dating. Although I haven't had experience only dating two guys I always find the guys I choose are wrong. My ex's were abusers and liars I really don't know what to do because they lied about who they were until I fell in love it's not like I can just weave out all the people who are bad I mean they hide it well.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • >Only dated 2 people
    >"I can't find a compatible partner in ~7billion people"
    >Only dated 2 people

    lol Wut.

    The most compatible person isn't just going to fall from the sky on your 3rd try and you likely don't even know what you want from a partner yet, try another 20 or so partners and than complain that it's hard to find a 'good' one, or, access what it is you want in a long term partner and use that list as a filter for potential mates before you commit to sexual and/or social monogamy.

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    • Like I've been on a ton of dates just only had two real boyfriends

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    • cavmanier: Exactly.

    • But I assume you get the point of the '~7 billion' figure.

      So if it makes y'all feel better I retract that part but the rest still stands.

What Guys Said 19

  • altruistic and personable qualities aren't very strongly reinforced in men.

    So they don't manifest themselves very widely.
    Men really aren't rewarded for being nice or fair, so there's no reason to believe those qualities would be common at all.

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    • sounds like something a psychology major would say

    • Science is very tried and true.

      But when you see a man that you're attracted to, you're not immediately attracted to the fact that he volunteers at the local orphanage every week.
      That would be nice, sure. But I'm certain you're willing to pass up on that for a nice set of eyes and a charming demeanor. Maybe a witty sense of humor, an Ian Somerhalder jaw structure, yes?

      But the object is: being a "good guy" is so low on the criteria for attraction, it's easily forgone.

  • Most likely reason: small sample size.

    Other possible reasons: you invest too much time with guys who are clearly messes.

    Maybe possible: do you reject 'normal' decent guys? You mention them wanting to be physical right away. If they are looking to just hook up and you're not, then you're doing the right thing. But guys who are not crazy, with issues, or players do feel physical attraction first while looking to see if there's more of a connection.

    Mainly you probably just need to meet more guys and filter better.

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  • That is because what you define as "good" is not what is currently culturally prevalent. You need to look in the moral minority, but not necessarily the religious.

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  • It sounds like you've had a hard time judging people for qualities that are important to you. Maybe you're not completely sure what those qualities are yet. Yeah some people will hide stuff. Unfortunately there's a lot of deceit in the world.

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  • Maybe because you friendzone the nice ones?

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  • Go for the more quiet ones, the one's that done get much attention From girls. And you'll hit the jackpot with one :)

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    • Lol but I'm shy too

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    • Im one of the shy one's too , So just go up to them and say hi , and start a conversation :)

  • Good guys are out there, you've just got to be in the right place at the right time to find one.

    Also every person on this Earth has good and bad traits. A good guy like a bad one will have some redeeming features and some not so redeeming features.

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  • Because a good guy is always in demand by other women, it's so rare to find a good person in general these days. Everyone seems to have something to hide with a hidden agenda.

    I meet a lot of good people, but we're never interested or they were dating.

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  • Judging all guys based your extremely small experience is not right
    You want to find good guys, here's my advice:
    Stop going after the 'hot', cool guys they are mostly arrogant liars and players

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  • i know how you feel. ll the girls i've went out with were liars too but i didn't know till it was to late and i also find it hard to find a decent girl but considering where i live no wonder why.

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  • you have to date a few assholes before you find the right one. that's how it is for everyone

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  • Need more detail to give my opinion.

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  • Where are you finding these guys?

    What's the first couple of dates like?

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  • Because they don't exist! BWAHAHAHA!!!

    Seriously, though, Joee23 is right.

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  • maybe you shouldn't go so much for looks.. try to find a balance..

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    • They weren't even the best looking guys... Like they were really nice.

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    • Lol yeah I have no idea why. Like everyone where I live loves rap music but I'm listening to Classic rock lol and they don't like that one bit.

    • thats because they are lame (:

  • to get a good guy, you have to be a good girl. then you have to define what "good" is.
    its just a bunch of expectations that you follow that lead to disappointment. you want a "good" guy, find the one that you are not attracted to, and find a reason to be. and show it. (if you say no to that, you aren't ready for a "good" guy then)

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  • Because you usually pass them up, with your shallowness

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  • What is a good guy to you... and

    What are these guys doing that make them bad?

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    • A good guy is someone that respects me, is honest, loyal, caring, generous... etc... My long term boyfriend of 4 years ended up being physically abusive and my 6 month boyfriend lied about who he was and pretty much everything. He had problems.

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    • Boy, I wish I had the problem of women taking me out on dates, buying me drinks, and trying to sleep with me. "Sorry ladies, you are being douchebags. I must get my beauty sleep".

    • I do. There was one guy that was really nice but he was moving so I didn't bother

  • Because good men aren't interested in you. You don't have what is wanted.

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    • But I do and that's rude... I'm pretty and really smart...

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    • or maybe its the opposite, because she has what is wanted they are nervous about being rejected.

    • Since you bugged me, it's unlikely, because "Pretty and Smart" were her listed traits not "Loyal, Pious, woman with a spirit of Volunteerism, Integrity, and Ambition". You can tell the difference just in how people describe themselves. When your highlights are the fact that you are female and a decent human you have no highlights.

What Girls Said 7

  • Why is it so hard to get a good guy? Because God devoted his time and attention to only a precious few and did a lousy job with the rest. (He he.. if you believe in God.) The fact of the matter is, for every 1 good guy, it seems there are 10,000 dishonest, unkind, abusive, lying, cheating, immoral guy.

    I am truly sorry for your unfortunate experiences. Perhaps you should try taking a break and taking it slow. I'm not suggesting that you moved along at a pace that was too fast; I just mean, before growing too fond or attached to a guy romantically, get to know him as a friend first. I know I'm making things sound extremely simplistic, and that's cause I don't know your situation well.

    I just wish you all the luck and happiness in the world. Every woman deserves someone special.

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  • choosing good people is a skill. it doesn't come naturally to everyone. all i can tell you is that... you have to be very observant.

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  • maybe you jump into relationships too quick and trust too easily. there are a lot of bad people out there but if you keep getting caught up with abusers then your missing the signs. the signs of who a person is are always there

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  • Girl, I'm on the same boat. After a 6 year relationship, going out dating or talking to a guy is so difficult. I keep running into douche bags. I'm also super shy.
    What I've decieded to do is just focus on myself. Do things that interest you and maybe you'll find a guy along the way I'm staying away from bars or clubs. I'm going to school and the gym I'm running into some pretty nice guys. Too bad they all have gfs.

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    • Yeah I was thinking about joining this thing called hillel at the school near me. I'm the same way though lol

    • I think you just have go put yourself in a position where you aren't somewhere where guys only want to hook up. I can't do the sex buddy or one night stands.

      Who knew it was going to be like this, haha after having a sheltered relationship going out to the dating world is brutal.

  • I am more worried about the term "abusers" if they were both physically abusive I would really recommend talking to someone about why you are drawn to that type of person. Also seeing your 16-24 I don't think you have Fallen in love once yet alone twice, so if they weren't actually physically harming you.. slow down take your time, and work on friendships, it's been my experience that the best lover is the one that was your best friend first.

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    • One was and the other just lied a lot and didn't treat me right

  • Because its not your time yet to find the right one maybe your purpose right now is to find out what these last ones have taught you so you cab be molded into being a better you. I'm in your same boat however all I can do is be patient which is what a lot of us lack including myself and be the best I can be and true to myself never settling for less than I deserve. . best wishes

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  • Don't go for the "nice guys" they're assholes.

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    • Seems like most guys are -_-

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    • I am talking about the self proclaimed "nice guys" if you don't fuck them, or if you don't go out with them, you are clearly a bitch - according to them. @Placeinthesun

      You should stay away from those.

    • No need to 'cause most guys stay away from ME :) haha

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