Why do I say mean things to a girl I like so much?

Hi all.

I'm having a real hard time being away from a girl who I like a lot, when I say a lot I mean there is little I wouldn't do just to see her smile.

The problem is I keep pushing her away by saying mean things, which is mostly commenting on her activity with males, my jealousy or because I miss her. I know I have genuine feelings for her, when I know she's smiling it makes me smile, and when she says nice things about me it makes me breathless.

Hand on heart I would consider myself a nice guy, I always go out my way to help other and have the moral courage to stand up for what is right. I can also do the romantic and caring side if a relationship.

The crazy part is we have only been on one date (which to my knowledge went very well) and have been speaking online for 1 and a half months. And we have spoken on the phone 4-5 times (over a month ago) which can last hours easy.

She says she's just a normal girl, but I see way more and know if given the chance I could make her feel like the most beautiful girl in the world and be a great role model for her child.

She has online penpals and at first this was a bit difficult for me to deal with, but she has made it clear she is not interested in having a relationship and enjoys being single. But saying that I believe I have got a little close to possibly starting something, but I keep pushing her away by saying silly things. But yet she has been amazing and talked back to me again with the possiblity of another date.

I'm currently in Norway with doing something I have waited 10 years to do but at the drop of a hat I would leave if I knew it would help this relationship. Well I know it's not doing any good but should I leave and disappoint my work colleges?

I know I'm pushing for something.
And I'm not one for coming on here but the relationship is more important than my ego
Again she has now said we're done. And I fear this time it's for real

Please help, any advice is welcome.

Updates:
I'm a typical male cancerian if that helps. Also I'm not oblivious to how crazy all this is.

If anyone has any questions I will happily answer them

Thank you

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What Girls Said 2

  • Holy fack, I used to do that! It's likely because we aren't used to feeling that way - liking someone - and it throws us off a little. Being mean in response is a kind of defense mechanism your brain uses to protect itself in case the person ends up hurting you somehow.

    You're gonna have to force yourself to be less cruel. If you feel like saying something assholey, bite your tongue. I've gotten used to doing that and I'm less of a bitch now.

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    • I try so hard doing this and slip up so easy. I know I don't mean to say mean comments but my mind isn't working the best when I'm tip toeing around her. And I speak to often with my heart not my mind.

  • This is a tough one what you are feeling is called desire and all women know how to use desire to attract men now if she has lots of other pen pals and enjoys being single im affraid to say that she is in no place to be in q relationship and you would probably end up hurt because she is craving male attention and enjoys the chatting and attention she recieves from men.

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