Is it selfish of me to want a girlfriend when I might be too busy with my career?

Is it selfish for me to try pursuing any romantic relationships right now? My original ambition for working myself so hard was so that I could get myself established as a nice eligible bachelor and be ready to provide for the woman I choose. Good news is I have more money than I know what to do with now, but it seems like until I finish gradschool and settle into a less consuming job, my workload may be preventing me from even getting close to a woman.

I always like to be that guy who responds to texts fast, has time to set up surprises, comes up with exciting things to do, and makes a woman feel like she's the prize of my life. Unfortunately, I'm finding that at this phase in my life, I'm so pressed for time, and so exhausted all the time, that being the man I feel I ought to be in a relationship seems impossible without throwing away the financial security I'm trying to establish. Back when I was in undergrad school and just working part time, I was unbelievably witty, sweet, engaged, and thoughtful in any relationship, but now I'm afraid of seeming tired, boring, and disinterested due to my lack of energy and prep-time. =(

I don't want a woman to feel undervalued because I don't put the time and energy into a relationship that she deserves, and casual dating is out of the question for me. Should I just wait a few years and jump back into the game when I feel up to the task of doing things properly?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Find a gf who's equally as busy as you. That way neither of you will feel guilty about being unavailable and will equally appreciate the little time you do get to spend together.

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    • Thats a good idea. Thanks!

What Girls Said 2

  • Wow, a guy like you exists?

    I would just go for it. Even just from the things you described you seem like a catch. Explain your busy schedule, but don't let it hold you back. She'd be lucky regardless.

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    • Thanks, I appreciate that! Maybe I need to set aside some time to see if other women feel the same.

    • I'm also busy with my career right now and have been worried that guys wouldn't be understanding of it. So a guy who is also busy would make me feel less guilty.

  • You seem like my type of guy:).
    You can have a gf you just need to make time for her and she needs to understand that you have your own goals you are trying to accomplish. It's possible but I think finding a woman who'll understand your situation will be your main problem. #goodLuck

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    • Aww... thanks! Thats encouraging for you to say. I hope you're right. =)

    • You're welcome

What Guys Said 2

  • Don't assume that you don't have what women want. Let them make the decision to be with you or to not be with you. So if you want a girlfriend, go after it. Also don't assume that when you do have time in the future, that you are going to be what women want. I get you are spending all of your time on your business. But women aren't going to buy that excuse. If you aren't nurturing your entire personality, then you aren't going to be appealing. Sure you have money and you can buy a girlfriend, but that probably isn't want you want.

    And let's cut some crap up front. If you were "unbelievably witty, sweet, engaged, and thoughtful" you would have a girlfriend because girls don't let those guys go. It is good to be confident, but if you think you are so great and don't have a girlfriend, something is wrong. And until you acknowledge that and fix it, things won't change.

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    • I almost thanked you for your opinion until I saw the second paragraph.

      You know nothing John Snow.

  • You have to explain your situation to a girl before things get serious. They have to understand what they are getting into. I make it clear when I start dating girls. I say I can not spend time with you every day. I can every week or every other week but not every day. For whatever reason most girls want to see you ever so often. If you find the girl then good fine. It will take a few tries.

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