HELP!!! Does he want to commit or am I wasting my time?

Hi, basically I'm 18 and the guy im seeing is 25. It seems a steep age, but I act like a 20 year old and he acts like a 21 year old realistically so we suit very well.
My only problem is it's been 3 months and I'm still stuck in the 'seeing each other label. I should express, we've attended family birthdays, weddings, he's travelled up to my uni every other weekend (before I dropped out) and I came home every other weekend without fail, we spend practically every day with each other if we can; I'm talking Friday , Saturday, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, then we have a break Wednesday and Thursday as he works night shift (as well as a day job). So a lot has happened in 3 months in terms of events and the amount of time we've spent with each other compared to regular 'couples' it's like we've been together for 6 months. But I'm still stuck in the 'seeing each other label' and I'm worried now.
I've expressed my worry before (after one month) and he explained to me that he is totally committed to me, were exclusive and he cares very much for me, he just wants his next official relationship to last (as in he wants to marry his next girlfriend) so he didn't want to rush anything. I understood agreed Id wait until we were both ready for labels, but with every passing day it upsets me more and more that I'm not his girlfriend.
We basically are boyfriend and girlfriend anyway so why can't it just be made official already? It's painful for me to hear him say to people 'she's not my girlfriend' because although I know he cares and were exclusive to other people it sounds as if he's saying 'I don't care about her' he does tell them 'we're seeing each other' but it still seems casual to an outsider.

It worries me that if we've gone through all of these events and spend so much time together and he still hasn't made it official yet will he ever? Is this guy actually going to commit? Or am I just wasting my breath, filling a gap until someone better comes along? PLEASE help!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think he is shitting you miss. Within a month I can decide if the girl is marriage material or not. If he loves you he would be begging you to be official miss. He is ashamed of you miss or he wants to stay open for better things to come down the pike in the sex department.

    We had one pink G@G'er here that complained her bf would not marry her even after 8 years living together. She told him she wanted to marry very early on in their 'live in' arrangement. Every time she talked to him about it he got mad. Now 8 years later she has wasted a chunk of her life on a liar. I think you will be in the same boat miss. I'd advise to move on and find true love. Not a lying shithead miss.

    Sure, you can force him miss, but he has shown his metal. He would just tell you what you want to hear and dump you at his earliest convenience. Good luck!

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What Guys Said 2

  • maybe you should just tell him exactly that. just mention that you basicly do everything a 'real' couple does and mention the fact that you hate when he says that you are not his girlfriend. he will have to give you an explanation and you can go from there...
    it sounds like he's into you though

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    • We've kind of had this chat before. He just tells me to stop being silly, we know what we are to each other and that he doesn't see why we have to label it. His point is were acting like a real couple and everything's really good at the moment he thinks labels might ruin that?

      Is that just a line or does that sound convincing?

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    • interesting lol! maybe he just wants to seem available to other girls? would be the only other thing that made a bit sense to me, but obviously you have to make that call i dont know how he acts around other girls. other then that, im as confused as you, but i hope you figure it out! but i find it definitely weird!!!

    • Tell me about it!
      Hmm not too sure about that one, because we spend literally ever spare minute with each other and if I ever bring up that he could technically cheat on me and it wouldn't be frowned upon because we're not 'official' (trying to see if the sarcastic approach would hint him into committing) and he told me I shouldn't worry about that. If he wanted any other girls he'd go out and be with them not spend all of his time with me and it's me he wants to be with and spend all of his time with etc. which was obviously reassuring to hear, but also doesn't answer the question of why he won't commit!

  • Talk to him about it! You'll surely find out his commitment then... if he uses the talk to go all coy and bail then you've got the answer... if he brushes you off then you know he's playing you. If he decides to step up to the plate as a 25 year old dude you have your answer then as well.

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    • Whenever we've had the chat before he just tells me to stop being silly and overthinking and that he does care and like me, and that he wants to wait 'a few months' before it becomes official labels, but it's over 3 now? I just don't understand :(

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    • Good point. So you think it's unreasonable waiting this long for the commitment? He's just taking me for a mug?

    • Basically. You can't ignore the facts in the situation, no matter what the excuses. That's the way I've always looked at my relationships, I make the best decision with the facts available at the time. It's saved me a lot of bother actually! lol

What Girls Said 1

  • I think he will commit. I'm in the same situation, as far as the "seeing each other" goes. It's long distance, and it's been a month. I know that he will commit one day, we just want to take things slowly (or rather try to) because we don't want to rush anything and we've already made it clear to each other that we want to marry each other and we already have plans for a future. But we are just trying to take it slow. If it really upsets you, talk to him about it. I don't mind waiting to officially be my man's girl, because I love him and I would wait forever to be with him (though I hope it really isn't forever before we officially commit lol). We are exclusive and I call him mine and he calls me his. i think you should just explain to your guy and just tell him that it frustrates you. Ask him when he thinks he will want to commit. It is always best to use honest, open communication in a relationship.

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    • I've tried to be open and honest, but when I asked him he said he wanted to wait 'a couple of months' before we made it oficial, but it's gone past 3 now and it doesn't seem like anythings progressed?
      I had no problem waiting when it was the first month, but the longer I've been stuck in this limbo the more upset it's making me, but whenever I bring it up he just tells me to stop being silly and overthinking?

      So I don't really know what else to do

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    • Thanks, that's worded perfectly I'll say exactly that. Thank you!

    • I'm glad that I helped!!! You're very welcome :D good luck!

      Ps if you need help or anymore advice, message me. I'm always around :)

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