His ex won't disappear!! What should I do?

Hi you guys. I'm dating this guy for almost a month now, and since from the first date he always talked about his ex - we met online and she was the one that recommended him the website we met. As we kept dating I went a lot of times to his house and since the second time, his ex was there.
I was quite surprised to know that she constantly sleeps over there - let's say several days per week. He lives with his parents, plus a brother and a sister and his sister is super BFF with his ex, so when she (the ex) sleeps over, she sleeps in his sisters room.

She (ex) also butted in when we - his whole family - went to lunch on the weekend. They were together for 4 years and they've broken up for one year and a half, but she behaves like she is still his girlfriend in this social sense.
They don't have almost no physical contact - when I'm around - but I feel that he still pays a great deal of attention to her.

He kept talking about her - experiences he had with her - in the first weeks, and I explained to him that I didn't want to hear none of it. Since them he pratically doesn't talk about her, but I feel like I'm constantly in her shadow.

But how I'm going to compete with someone that is not only a memory, but a constant reminder? We've been together for such a short period, and I know that confronting him about it isn't something I feel the right of doing. Yet.
Should I be honest with him, or wait a little more?

TL; DR; My dates ex is a constant presence, always sleeps in his house and won't put herself in her place. Should I talk to him or let it be, until it bothers me to the point of breaking up with him? :[


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think you should have a discussion with him about this because I don't see how you two can develop a strong relationship with this ex constantly around you both and if she hasn't directly caused any problems yet, she may well do so in the future, so watch out for that.

    I do have to ask you a question. Why get involved with someone who is clearly isn't over his ex? He went out with you on a date and all he did was speak about his ex? I'm sorry but I have never gone on a date with a new woman in life and spoken about my ex. He's clearly not over her and with her constantly in his presence there is an avenue for infidelity here.

    Nip this in the bud before it becomes a mess is what I would advise you.

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    • I stayed because he is incredible and he reassured me that they didn't like each other any more, but I'm starting to doubt that. I'll talk to him, but I'm afraid that he'll get defensive.

    • Actions speak louder than words. If his actions are not aligning with his words then you need to take decisive action.

      I still think he has feelings for her and while that isn't wrong, it is wrong that he's pressing ahead with you while these feelings remain in tow and if they don't possess any problems now it wouldn't surprise me if they do in the future.

      If he gets defensive and tries to switch the tables on to you then you will have all the proof you need that the guy isn't over his ex and that's when you'll need to decide on what you think is the best plan of action.

What Guys Said 2

  • If you feel uncomfortable about the relationship he has with his ex you should talk about it with him. He needs to establish to you and his ex where you stand. You are his girlfriend now, either he commit to you and compromise being in a slightly unpleasant relationship with his ex or he must let you go. You deserve better. Ask him what would he think if you have an ex that is constantly in contact with you, sleeping in your house and going along with your family in family events. If he cannot live with that, then he has no right to put you in that position. If however he says that it is okay (which I doubt he would, or if he does it would likely be a lie) you still have to express firmly that you cannot be comfortable in a relationship that way and we go back to my earlier statement.

    I hope that helps.

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    • Yes, you're right. Thank you so much.
      I was afraid that saying anything to him would make him mad and I really don't want to lose him.
      It's gotten me feeling worse since I found out she still uses their engagement ring. ://
      It really did help, I'll talk to him over the weekend. :}

    • I'm sorry to say this, but you are better off without him if he lets his ex walk over your relationship.

      Best of luck :)

  • You know, most guys love if their girl tells another girl to back off. (Depending on their current relationship)

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What Girls Said 1

  • I think you should let go of this guy..

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