Would you let your boyfriend/girlfriend...

would you let your boyfriend or girlfriend hang out with their ex? pleeeeeease explain your answer. THANKS :)

This question has a poll!

my answer is yes. because I don't want to be controlling and if I try to control him he's more likely to lie to me and I'd rather him just be honest. Also, I'm friends with many of my ex's so I'd let him be with his. even if it makes me insecure sometimes
PLEASE EXPLAIN YOUR ANSWER. people haven't explained why they chose yes/no. I'm curious as to why you think you feel that way / why you think you can tell them they can't / etc.

What's Your Opinion?


What Girls Said 59

What Guys Said 38

  • Selected as most helpful

    i answered yes because as far as I'm concerned, I would never be in a relationship with a guy that I don't trust. and so as long as he keeps that trust and is honest, I will not have a problem with him hanging out with his ex. however, if he every gives me a legitimate reason NOT to trust him (legitimate meaning not just my own stupid paranoia) then it's sayonara boyfriend.

    the reason I'm like this is because one my best friends is my ex boyfriend and I respect that his girlfriend, whom he's had for 2 years, was never really comfortable with him staying in touch with me and us hanging out, BUT she's never gotten TOO bent out of shape and she's been pretty cool. I think she's finally starting to realize that my ex and I should never have dated because he and I are just TOO similar to one another and it was like I was dating my non-identical twin lol.

    so I think that you should let him hang out with his ex, but if you ever are given a reason to doubt his intentions with her, then you have every right to stand up and draw the line.

    • I typed my answer before reading this, and it's almost exactly what you said. So yeah, I agree!

    • Awesome answer! :)

  • I would say yes just because I beyond trust the guy I'm with. He's amazing and if you think you should let him just so he doesn't lie to you...there's something very wrong with your relationship. If it's not based on trust it's probably bs.

  • I don't care who my boyfriend hangs out with as long as it's totally plutonic. He has no real exes, unless you count video games and well, can't take him off those, so who cares.

    The issue is more about trust than it is who the person is. Although why you hang out with an ex in the first place is another story. Some cases it's OK others it's not... it depends on who and why. If the ex is trying to get back with him, not good... if he's just passing time with you but trying to win the ex back, not good either.

    If they're both moved on and just friends? Fine. Doesn't matter.

    Some people say men and women can't be JUST friends. I don't see why, but I'm a girl. I don't get directed by my groin area... it seems some men are...although I guess women too... *shrugs*

  • Yes cause I would hope that he doesn't do anything stupid .

  • well I said no because even if I trust my boyfriend (which I do) I don't trust the whores he dated!

  • I would because I don't want to seem like the jealous girlfriend. but I wouldn't be comfortable with it

  • Yes - they broke up. There's a reason for that. He's with you now. There's also a reason for that. If he didn't want to be with you, he probably wouldn't be. But they still have memories together, and unless they had a really bad breakup, it'd be a shame to throw it all away.

  • depends

  • I would let them, because I don't monitor people my significant others hang out with. I give them absolute freedom, because in the end it's the only way to trust people. For me personally though, I don't hang out with ex's. Not healty in most situations.

  • HELL NO!...she had her tie with your man and her time has been up don't let bad habits form at all people can't date or have sex with out that candle being able to be relit

  • It depends on why they broke up in the first place and how long they've known each other. If they've known each other longer than he's known you and broke up on somewhat good terms, I would be okay with it, especially if his ex now has another love interest. But if his ex cheated on him then came back all flirty flirty around him I wouldn't want it. Also, if they were boyfriend/girlfriend for a short time and didn't end up doing much while together and it was a long time ago say like 5 years, I would be fine with it too.

  • no no...cause some feeelings could be brought back into a realtionship

    i know it does sound controlling but you never know what could happen.

  • It depends.

    If I know the ex and we're cool and I know she's over him, yes. And he has to be over her.

    When I found out about this girl my ex boyfriend used to date while we together, I was in shock but I didn't NOT like her. I thought she was cool and I trusted her. My ex also wasn't into her anymore but as far as I know, they were cool.

    However, there is this long term girlfriend he had and she was a menace. I didn't like her and she didn't like me. I didn't trust her because she was in love with him... and she hated me because we were together. At that point I did not want him to hang out with her or be friends with her... but unfortunately for me, he hung out and talked to her behind my back. I was controlling because I knew she other motives and she wanted to ruin us... and he let that happen. He knew I was affected by it and he knew she loved him (til this day). I no longer can trust him even though we began to become friends... I still know he keeps her on the side and hangs out with her and her family. He just never let go of her even though she got what she wanted even though they are not 'official' either... don't know if he loves her or not or if they did anything... but all I know is she is in looooove with him for over 2 years and is sickenly obsessed with him but he is still single. According to her, she is with him... but according to his friends he is single. So she's still cooky in the head. I would not trust her at all. There's some people you can't trust around your boyfriends. (or vice versa)

  • interesting. I like this. I, myself am a friend of an ex, I do still love him, and would be very jealous of a girlfriend, but hanging out alonge I would do nothing to him, hanging with a girlfriend if he had one would be painful and I would take it out on her...but I don't think I would do anything. Saying that, I think a lot of girls would still do something. I would be there one time when she's hanging with him, and if you feel she's being too forward tell your boy what's in your head and figure it out...

  • i wouldn't be able to stop him because, I can't control what he dose, who he talks to, who his friends are, even though I would prefer him not to, I wouldn't try to stop him. I would however be very insecure wondering why in hell he wants to see his ex? like, I have ex's too but no way would I ever jump at the sight of hanging with them. Ever. so I would be a little confused in such of why he wants to see, speak, spend time with her.

  • NOO WAY! because ex's are someone who meant a lot to you, someone you onced kissed/hugd/f***d etc, so no I wouldn't want my boyfriend to hung out with his ex and end up doing something with her. And as far as I'm concierd my boyfriend would destroy me if I hungd out with any of my ex's. My boyfriend would DESTROY me if I hang out with my guys friends. PEROID.

    • Not that young actully, am 18 and his 23 !

    • No, because you 2 are insecure and can't trrust each other enough to let each other hang out with peoeple of the opposite sex. you must be young...

    • You mean Sounds like a VERY healthy Relationship =) because we caree a lot about each other and get jealous over each other because we LOVE each other VERY MUCH.!!!!! thank you :p

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  • It wouldn't be a matter of me "letting" him. He could do as he pleases but I would not want a relationship with a man who could not let go of his past. Now, if he was married, they have children together and they want to do some activities together, I get that. But a Boyfriend or Girlfriend who still has emotional ties to their ex to the point they want to hang out with them, that is not healthy.

    There may be extenuating circumstances, such as old family friends or people who knew each other since they were kids, as well as the definition of "hanging out", such as they run in the same circles and can end up spending time with each other versus something that is like dating.

    My ex-husband worked with his ex and she had a reputation for going after guys who were unavailable. I also knew he never really wanted the breakup but she was uncomfortable with their age difference (she was older). In the end it was not a matter of trust, because I didn't think he would actually fool around with her, but there was something there that wasn't great. She definitely was trying to compete with me on some level and worse yet he kind of held it over me to do as he pleased. In that way it was disrespectful and the tip of the iceberg in how he treated me in many other areas. I know now that if your partner cannot take you into consideration and wants to judge your feelings and concerns, well they will do that to you overall on the big stuff and the small stuff and they are not going to be a great partner.

  • Sure... as long as he's not always hanging out with her... that would make me a little jealous/suspicious... :)

  • Hell noo ! , because if they had an attraction to them before they could get another when they hang out again , and unless you wanna lose him/her I wouldn't let them do it .

  • well.. it all depends on if YOU trust your bf/gf's ex he/she hangs out with. if he/she spends a lot of time with the ex and not really paying attention to you more than yourbf/gf should, that could be a problem. you need to talk to your boyfriend/girlfriend and say to them that your not really spending enough time with me because ur hanging out ith your ex more than me. or if your bf/gf's ex is caught kissing your boyfriend/girlfriend you need to find someone else because there gonna do the same thing again until it breaks your heart so many times you just can't take it anymore..

  • You can tell them they can't because they are supposed to be worried about spending their time with YOU not an EX! If they are so worried about their ex maybe they shouldn't have broken up with them in the first place.

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  • It is disrespectful to your current partner to hang out with your ex. Period. Having a relationship with an ex should not be more important than a current relationship.

  • yes as long as there is nothing but pure friendship between them

  • NoOoOoOoOoo...look, I know you may think it seems "controlling", but it has to do with principal, and common sense...THEY HAD A RELATIONSHIP...there was feelings there once...that maybe your would never do anything? possibly...but WTF?!...why even make you feel like that, much less take that chance...he's with you now...i would understand if it was a friend that was a girl that you were being a pest about, BUT ITS AN EX...

    p.s. I personally don't hang around with ex's just to kick the sh*t...

  • alone? NO. in a group yes.

    dont let ur significant other around a girl that they have had sex with. You know how easy it is to get with an ex...they are comfortable in that department so I think its a BIG NO NO.

    dont let guys fool you.

  • HELLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That's all I have to say.

  • I would never WANT my girlfriend to hang out with her ex, but if she wanted to, there would be nothing I could do really.

    Either than to just ask her to stop seeing the ex.

  • Yes, because it isn't in my power to control them. People will do what they think is correct. While this may give some deference to your input, it doesn't mean that your opinion will always hold sway. My wife generally has no objection if I spend time with my exes (she doesn't object if I sleep with other people either) but there are some people that I used to be involved with that have such a negative impact on me that cleaning up the mess is a significant imposition on her. These people she strongly prefers I avoid. I try to look at the equation as asking what am I asking my wife to put up with as a result of my choice. If it is simply a matter of time or not being available for the duration of the event, no big deal. If the interaction has significant emotional fallout that she winds up shouldering, then yes, she has reason to complain.

    Every choice in a relationship has a cost that you ask your partner to bear on your behalf. Some of these are reasonable but there are some that are serious impositions. You need to weigh these in terms of what you are asking your partner to bear against your own wishes.

  • No no Big no. hanging out with ex's means there are huge chances of feelings getting refurnished. That means it might look good as they are hanging out but in future you never know, might dump you for her or might make out with her (hiding such facts from you)

  • would I "let" her? I don't control the girls I date, she can do whatever she wants.

    would I prefer that she hangs out with an ex? no.

    would I like that she hangs out with an ex? no.

    would I dump her if she hangs out with an ex? yes.

    I wouldn't hang out with an ex because it's a terrible, terrible idea. nothing good ever comes from hanging out with exes. I don't want to damage a current relationship by dragging things from the past.

    and it's a totally effed up form of denial IMO, to say that "if you love or trust someone, what does it matter if they hang out with an ex?" what matters is that it's disrespectful and destructive to spend time with an ex when you're in a new relationship, and it drives a wedge between people. does that sound insecure? damned right it's insecure: when people hang out with exes, that gives their current partner a perfectly reasonable excuse to feel insecure.

  • I would, the reason being is that you really can't lose. If she doesn't cheat on you, she's the one you want. If she does cheat, you don't have to waste time with a fraud. Although I won't lie, I might be a bit uneasy...but we're all tested in relationships. If you don't pass the test, you don't pass the class (or in this case, the relationship).

  • No, because once dead, can be brought back alive and the flame can still be there.

  • i put other, because id be blunt and honest with my gf, that id rather she not hang out with em, and that I know I can't stop her, and that I can be jealous and I don't like to feel jealous and if she really wants to, then okay, il deal with it...

    and no matter how my girlfriend would feel, I never hang out with my exs, wether or not I'm still friends with em, just because I don't wanna make my girlfriend feel jealous no matter what and I wouldn't feel right by hangin out with an ex just because even if I'm single

  • A GOOD QUESTION TO ASK IS HAS ANYONE HUNG OUT WITH AN EX DURING A RELATIONSHIP AND ENDED UP HAVING SEX OR MAKING OUT ETC. THIS MIGHT GET SOME OF THESE PEOPLE THAT ARE STUCK ON I TRUST SO AND SO SO MUCH. I would let them go on a romantic date with there EX. What the heck is wrong with people. Do you want to be cheated on and tempt your boyfriend and put him in a position where he will cheat on you?

  • never... because most guys I think are posessive ... I admit I am... and a girl hangin out with her ex sends the wrong message... even if its not an ex... a girl should never be one on one with a male unless that male was approved by her bf... the same goes for us guys so don't think I'm just some controlling boyfriend lol

    • I don't think he really meant it like that, but I kinda see what he's sayin, that it does kinda send the wrong message, because yes you trust your girlfriend but do you trust her ex? NO, because like an eariler answer said, that its a very tempting situation because what if her ex has a another girlfriend or not, what if he still liikes your girlfriend , you just don't know, so why let your girlfriend tempt her self if he tries anything

    • There is no doubt that people are possessive but like others have said-trust is a big leading factor. and I think if you are trying to control or restrict the person you are with on the people they can hangout with then I think that's strictly not allowing them to have their own life and space. Because after all us girls aren't toys.

    • "a girl should never be one on one with a male unless that male was approved by her bf" I'm sorry but I'm just a tad offended by your statement. "approved by her bf?

      what are you trying to say?

      I don't think any girl should allow the boyfriend to tell them what they should nor, who they can hangout with. She needs her own space and her own friends.

  • i guess it would be ok but only if your with them

    • Okay we know its based on TRUST trusting you girlfriend/boyfriend but honestly, that's where people irritate me the most, just because I trust my gf, doesn't mean I trust every other guy in the world too, and it has nothin todo with her makin the wrong choice

    • I agree relationship is built on trust and if you trust that person and if you are secure about who you are and the relationship you both have then I don't see a problem with your current partner to be hanging out with their ex. that's why they are their "ex" and that's why you are their current and future.

  • hi, nice question you have chosen... I say yes because relationships are built on trust and if you can let the boyfriend/girlfriend hang out with their ex's then it shows that you trust them so it would be more likely that he wouldn't lie to you about anything. as far as I am actually concerned though they are your boyfriend/girlfriend and only you can make that decision over what to do... good luck hunnie. x and remember no choice is wrong x

  • Nope never, beacause it brings emotions and feelings change between the current couple.

  • Not liking your boyfriend/girlfriend hanging with an ex isn't always controlling, it depends on why they want to hang out together, how long they knew each other, is there mutual friendships that throw them into each others company, are they to be trusted, are you paranoid and don't need the hassle for the sake of them having one more person to talk to and so on and so forth.

    It's easy to play the moral high ground butter wouldn't melt role of saying you should allow them to talk to their ex otherwise you are a control freak but it's a different story when it comes to dealing with it personally and having a lot of reasons not to accept it.

    If you have no reason to worry about it then allow it, if its going to cause problems then don't hide that fact otherwise it will be harder to deal with later on down the line when you have bottled up a lot of anger (if that is the case).

    Would I allow my wife to hang around her ex's, no, because some of them are complete idiots who have no morals and are involved in some pretty crappy situations I would rather not be associated with or anybody involved, she may have never done anything with them and may be faithful but I don't want her to be involved with them losers and to be honest she is cool with that because neither does she.

    If it was some nice guy who can be trusted then I would merely wonder why there was a sudden need to hang out with an old boyfriend.

    I think it varies on who the guy is and how old they are and how long its been since they broke up and all the circumstances I mentioned earlier.

    • That is an awesome answer dude, PERFECT

  • No, I would not. Even if jealousy is not a factor. Logically, it's quite a dumb idea to hold on to your exes. Old feelings will eventually spark up (whether you act on them or not). A relationship mostly mental. If your psyche is still latching on to your past relationships, then you can not fully focus on your current relationship. If you once love someone, that love will never go away. You can only choose to hide or try to ignore it. In most cases (in studies); Most people that hang around their ex eventually do something unfaithful (not necessarily have sex). Besides... What is the point of hanging with an ex if you have a new? Emotionally it'll obscure your mind. Even if it starts off in a subtle manner. It'll slowly get to you and cause you to dwell on things that they may have done right, that your current partner is doing wrong. In cases of cheating, most are caused by subtle cases of confusion. That is what I've researched both textbook and observation, as well as experience. Though on an emotional level... I think I would be jealous as well. But I don't hover over my girlfriend (now fiance) when she hang out with guys. If you're worried about being controlling then you could just do, yourself, what you want him to do. It'll be evened out then.

  • Well mine has a mortgage with her ex so they both have to work on keeping the house in good condition that's the only time she would see him

    • Good point. But what does hanging out imply to u?

      Simple lunch?

      But nothing to extravagant right?

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