Would you let your boyfriend/girlfriend...

would you let your boyfriend or girlfriend hang out with their ex? pleeeeeease explain your answer. THANKS :)

  • YES
    28% (19)27% (10)28% (29)Vote
  • NO
    52% (35)57% (21)54% (56)Vote
  • OTHER
    20% (13)16% (6)18% (19)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
Updates:
my answer is yes. because I don't want to be controlling and if I try to control him he's more likely to lie to me and I'd rather him just be honest. Also, I'm friends with many of my ex's so I'd let him be with his. even if it makes me insecure sometimes
PLEASE EXPLAIN YOUR ANSWER. people haven't explained why they chose yes/no. I'm curious as to why you think you feel that way / why you think you can tell them they can't / etc.

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59|38

Most Helpful Girl

  • i answered yes because as far as I'm concerned, I would never be in a relationship with a guy that I don't trust. and so as long as he keeps that trust and is honest, I will not have a problem with him hanging out with his ex. however, if he every gives me a legitimate reason NOT to trust him (legitimate meaning not just my own stupid paranoia) then it's sayonara boyfriend.

    the reason I'm like this is because one my best friends is my ex boyfriend and I respect that his girlfriend, whom he's had for 2 years, was never really comfortable with him staying in touch with me and us hanging out, BUT she's never gotten TOO bent out of shape and she's been pretty cool. I think she's finally starting to realize that my ex and I should never have dated because he and I are just TOO similar to one another and it was like I was dating my non-identical twin lol.

    so I think that you should let him hang out with his ex, but if you ever are given a reason to doubt his intentions with her, then you have every right to stand up and draw the line.

    4|1
    • Awesome answer! :)

    • I typed my answer before reading this, and it's almost exactly what you said. So yeah, I agree!

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What Guys Said 38



  • Generally speaking, I'm one of those "if you love them you'll let them go" kind of guys. If he's the better fit, and I "forbid" her from spending time with him, I don't want to be the one blamed every time she feels she made a mistake in dating me. If he's not the better man, and she realizes that, then I still get the girl, and I don't look like the overly jealous boyfriend.

    It depends on several factors:

    Have I met this person, and do I trust them - are they worthy of my trust?

    1) How "serious" are we? If we were engaged, I'd probably treat things a little differently. If we had been dating for a month and were in a really good place, that's another situation. If we were dating, but fighting constantly, that's a different case.

    2) Does she have a history of cheating? (If she does, then why am I dating her?) - If she does, then why does she want that temptation? Does she lie about random things? Have a history of lying or hiding important relationship information? Is she exhibiting the "cheating signs?"

    Is he a "player?"

    3) What's the event? drinks, dancing, something nostalgic or super romantic, then it should be a group of people.

    4) How "affectionate" are they? I see a girl I used to date once a month, if that. We talk from time to time. We may hug, but if she tries being more affectionate than that, I get away. (and I'm not dating anyone...)

    5) Do they want me around? I have a friend that I've been able to hang out with - just like old times. Purely platonic. And I like hanging out with the guy. I want to hang with him just as I want to hang out with her. Now, if I insisted on always being alone with her, or was touchy feely in an awkward way, then it'd be a different story.

    6) Is HE trustworthy? Have I met him? What does he do? If it's a mystery, then why? I would think a good relationship you'd want to meet your significant other's friends and family. I'd think you'd want to be a part of their lives. It's a chance to get to know her better, too.

    If she (and the friend too) passed these "tests" then I'd have very little to be jealous about. And I would let them hang out. But in most of the cases above, I'd probably be hanging out, too, so there'd be little room for me to distrust the woman.

    2|2
  • I would never WANT my girlfriend to hang out with her ex, but if she wanted to, there would be nothing I could do really.

    Either than to just ask her to stop seeing the ex.

    0|0
  • Yes if I trusted them (which if you don't that's a bigger question) and there was a logical reason to hang out that wasn't tied in a romantic way.

    0|0
  • NoOoOoOoOoo...look, I know you may think it seems "controlling", but it has to do with principal, and common sense...THEY HAD A RELATIONSHIP...there was feelings there once...that maybe your would never do anything? possibly...but WTF?!...why even make you feel like that, much less take that chance...he's with you now...i would understand if it was a friend that was a girl that you were being a pest about, BUT ITS AN EX...

    p.s. I personally don't hang around with ex's just to kick the sh*t...

    1|0
  • Yes, definitely. I've had gfs who hung out with their exes and I've done the same.

    I know what's important to me in a relationship, and trust is at or near the top of the list. If I can't trust my girlfriend to spend time with her ex, then I don't want to be anything more than casual f***-buddies. If she's messing around with the ex and lying about it, I'll find out eventually and dump her because I don't want to date someone who behaves like that. If she's not cheating, then I think her honesty entitles her to hang out with whomever the hell she pleases :)

    I'm also very turned off by controlling relationships. I'd be angry if my girlfriend wouldn't let me hang out with an ex... so if I tried to prevent her from seeing hers, I'd be a hypocrite.

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What Girls Said 59

  • Yes, I would let my boyfriend hang out with his ex because if we were secure enough in our relationship and I trust him, then I would have no problem with him being near his ex. Even if she was a monster, I would still let him, because the extra comparison of nice girlfriend vs. mean ex-gf is always an added bonus.

    Yes, there are many problems associated with this scenario, but I think it is a good way to see how your guy reacts to situations. If he is a weak guy who just wants to please, then he won't stand up to her. If he is a good, strong guy then he will set boundaries and put her in her place when necessary, etc.

    0|0
  • I said "Other" because of the following,

    I'm not a control freak, as a matter of fact I loathe people of that sort. My partner's ex is a total control freak, and if my partner told me he was hanging out with her, I'd be f***ing p*ssed. He's still got issues with her, regardless of the fact they've been broken up for 2 years with NO communication. Hell, I was p*ssed as hell when he told me she called him because her freakin cat died. I get that he also had a strong attachment to the cat, but I have to protect what's mine, you know what I'm saying?

    If I view another chick as a threat to my security, you bet your butt I'm going to say Hell No. If the circumstance is that I "don't know her that well", yet she's still a threat to my security, I'll deem it okay so that I can make sure she knows I'm not one to f*** with.

    0|0
  • Yes, simply because I trust him, and really love him and know that he feels the same. Even if I didn't it's not a big deal, they're exs for a reason, and it's not because they're still in love. There's a huge rant I could go on but I choose not to. So I'll leave it at yes, I do.

    0|0
  • No I would not. Definitely not alone. If they are friends then they can hangout together with you present or with others. Explain you concern to your partner. It's the oldest issue in the book. If your partner values you more than his ex then he will make the appropriate changes. If he insists on seeing her alone and feels you're being unfair then you have to decide if you can accept the situation or you just won't stand it. But it depends on what sort of relationship they were in. If they were in love I wouldn't like them around each other but if they went out for 2 weeks meh...it's probably not a big deal. It's not too much to ask that your partner make that little sacrifice because it upsets you.

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  • Wow I totally understand that you don't want to be the controlling girl friend and props to you for being so cool. I would defenetly try to be the same way in a relationship, I guess if you know his ex's it mabey makes it a little easier but still I could understand how him doing that would make you feel insecure. I don't think I could watch my guy go hang out with his ex's that would hurt me alot. And I would tell him that. Guys want to feel wanted by girls and if he thinks that your totally ok with him seeing other girls then he might think differently of you. And obiously you care about him a lot so just tell him your situation. Be like I want to be a cool girlfriend to you and I don't want to be controling of your life but you have to understand that its really hard for me somtimes to see you spending time with other girls that I know you have had a spark with in the past.

    0|0
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