Would you let your boyfriend/girlfriend...

would you let your boyfriend or girlfriend hang out with their ex? pleeeeeease explain your answer. THANKS :)

  • YES
    28% (19)27% (10)28% (29)Vote
  • NO
    52% (35)57% (21)54% (56)Vote
    20% (13)16% (6)18% (19)Vote
And you are? I'm a GirlI'm a Guy
my answer is yes. because I don't want to be controlling and if I try to control him he's more likely to lie to me and I'd rather him just be honest. Also, I'm friends with many of my ex's so I'd let him be with his. even if it makes me insecure sometimes
PLEASE EXPLAIN YOUR ANSWER. people haven't explained why they chose yes/no. I'm curious as to why you think you feel that way / why you think you can tell them they can't / etc.


Most Helpful Girl

  • i answered yes because as far as I'm concerned, I would never be in a relationship with a guy that I don't trust. and so as long as he keeps that trust and is honest, I will not have a problem with him hanging out with his ex. however, if he every gives me a legitimate reason NOT to trust him (legitimate meaning not just my own stupid paranoia) then it's sayonara boyfriend.

    the reason I'm like this is because one my best friends is my ex boyfriend and I respect that his girlfriend, whom he's had for 2 years, was never really comfortable with him staying in touch with me and us hanging out, BUT she's never gotten TOO bent out of shape and she's been pretty cool. I think she's finally starting to realize that my ex and I should never have dated because he and I are just TOO similar to one another and it was like I was dating my non-identical twin lol.

    so I think that you should let him hang out with his ex, but if you ever are given a reason to doubt his intentions with her, then you have every right to stand up and draw the line.

    • Awesome answer! :)

    • I typed my answer before reading this, and it's almost exactly what you said. So yeah, I agree!

What Guys Said 38

  • Generally speaking, I'm one of those "if you love them you'll let them go" kind of guys. If he's the better fit, and I "forbid" her from spending time with him, I don't want to be the one blamed every time she feels she made a mistake in dating me. If he's not the better man, and she realizes that, then I still get the girl, and I don't look like the overly jealous boyfriend.

    It depends on several factors:

    Have I met this person, and do I trust them - are they worthy of my trust?

    1) How "serious" are we? If we were engaged, I'd probably treat things a little differently. If we had been dating for a month and were in a really good place, that's another situation. If we were dating, but fighting constantly, that's a different case.

    2) Does she have a history of cheating? (If she does, then why am I dating her?) - If she does, then why does she want that temptation? Does she lie about random things? Have a history of lying or hiding important relationship information? Is she exhibiting the "cheating signs?"

    Is he a "player?"

    3) What's the event? drinks, dancing, something nostalgic or super romantic, then it should be a group of people.

    4) How "affectionate" are they? I see a girl I used to date once a month, if that. We talk from time to time. We may hug, but if she tries being more affectionate than that, I get away. (and I'm not dating anyone...)

    5) Do they want me around? I have a friend that I've been able to hang out with - just like old times. Purely platonic. And I like hanging out with the guy. I want to hang with him just as I want to hang out with her. Now, if I insisted on always being alone with her, or was touchy feely in an awkward way, then it'd be a different story.

    6) Is HE trustworthy? Have I met him? What does he do? If it's a mystery, then why? I would think a good relationship you'd want to meet your significant other's friends and family. I'd think you'd want to be a part of their lives. It's a chance to get to know her better, too.

    If she (and the friend too) passed these "tests" then I'd have very little to be jealous about. And I would let them hang out. But in most of the cases above, I'd probably be hanging out, too, so there'd be little room for me to distrust the woman.

  • I would never WANT my girlfriend to hang out with her ex, but if she wanted to, there would be nothing I could do really.

    Either than to just ask her to stop seeing the ex.

  • Yes if I trusted them (which if you don't that's a bigger question) and there was a logical reason to hang out that wasn't tied in a romantic way.

  • NoOoOoOoOoo...look, I know you may think it seems "controlling", but it has to do with principal, and common sense...THEY HAD A RELATIONSHIP...there was feelings there once...that maybe your would never do anything? possibly...but WTF?!...why even make you feel like that, much less take that chance...he's with you now...i would understand if it was a friend that was a girl that you were being a pest about, BUT ITS AN EX...

    p.s. I personally don't hang around with ex's just to kick the sh*t...

  • Yes, definitely. I've had gfs who hung out with their exes and I've done the same.

    I know what's important to me in a relationship, and trust is at or near the top of the list. If I can't trust my girlfriend to spend time with her ex, then I don't want to be anything more than casual f***-buddies. If she's messing around with the ex and lying about it, I'll find out eventually and dump her because I don't want to date someone who behaves like that. If she's not cheating, then I think her honesty entitles her to hang out with whomever the hell she pleases :)

    I'm also very turned off by controlling relationships. I'd be angry if my girlfriend wouldn't let me hang out with an ex... so if I tried to prevent her from seeing hers, I'd be a hypocrite.

  • Would I LET them? Well, of course I would, because if I tried to stop them, that might just drive them there all the faster. I would be uncomfortable with it, depending on the situation that led to their break-up and how serious they were/we are, but I wouldn't dream of telling them "no, you can't go see him!" I myself still hang out with a couple of my ex's, I've even been invited to one of their weddings. I tend to part as friends with my ex's, though I do admit there is some awkwardness between us usually. The point is, when people break up and move on, if they truly have then there should be no problems if they want to hang out. If they haven't, then isn't it more important that the one you care about is happy, even if it means stepping aside and letting the ex have them again?

  • Anyone who thinks they have the right or authority to "let" their boyfriend/girlfriend do anything has issues. They hang out with who they want and its up to you to deal with it.

  • Not liking your boyfriend/girlfriend hanging with an ex isn't always controlling, it depends on why they want to hang out together, how long they knew each other, is there mutual friendships that throw them into each others company, are they to be trusted, are you paranoid and don't need the hassle for the sake of them having one more person to talk to and so on and so forth.

    It's easy to play the moral high ground butter wouldn't melt role of saying you should allow them to talk to their ex otherwise you are a control freak but it's a different story when it comes to dealing with it personally and having a lot of reasons not to accept it.

    If you have no reason to worry about it then allow it, if its going to cause problems then don't hide that fact otherwise it will be harder to deal with later on down the line when you have bottled up a lot of anger (if that is the case).

    Would I allow my wife to hang around her ex's, no, because some of them are complete idiots who have no morals and are involved in some pretty crappy situations I would rather not be associated with or anybody involved, she may have never done anything with them and may be faithful but I don't want her to be involved with them losers and to be honest she is cool with that because neither does she.

    If it was some nice guy who can be trusted then I would merely wonder why there was a sudden need to hang out with an old boyfriend.

    I think it varies on who the guy is and how old they are and how long its been since they broke up and all the circumstances I mentioned earlier.

  • would I "let" her? I don't control the girls I date, she can do whatever she wants.

    would I prefer that she hangs out with an ex? no.

    would I like that she hangs out with an ex? no.

    would I dump her if she hangs out with an ex? yes.

    I wouldn't hang out with an ex because it's a terrible, terrible idea. nothing good ever comes from hanging out with exes. I don't want to damage a current relationship by dragging things from the past.

    and it's a totally effed up form of denial IMO, to say that "if you love or trust someone, what does it matter if they hang out with an ex?" what matters is that it's disrespectful and destructive to spend time with an ex when you're in a new relationship, and it drives a wedge between people. does that sound insecure? damned right it's insecure: when people hang out with exes, that gives their current partner a perfectly reasonable excuse to feel insecure.

  • Yes, because it isn't in my power to control them. People will do what they think is correct. While this may give some deference to your input, it doesn't mean that your opinion will always hold sway. My wife generally has no objection if I spend time with my exes (she doesn't object if I sleep with other people either) but there are some people that I used to be involved with that have such a negative impact on me that cleaning up the mess is a significant imposition on her. These people she strongly prefers I avoid. I try to look at the equation as asking what am I asking my wife to put up with as a result of my choice. If it is simply a matter of time or not being available for the duration of the event, no big deal. If the interaction has significant emotional fallout that she winds up shouldering, then yes, she has reason to complain.

    Every choice in a relationship has a cost that you ask your partner to bear on your behalf. Some of these are reasonable but there are some that are serious impositions. You need to weigh these in terms of what you are asking your partner to bear against your own wishes.

  • HELLLLLLLL NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. That's all I have to say.

  • Well if they want to hang out you could not stop it, they will do it one way or other, I would feel betrayed tho. I'm very weak in those kind of things.

  • I would not stop her, but I don't think it's healthy. An ex is rarely something worthy of keeping as a friend. There is usually a need for closure, and a risk of exposing your feelings again despite knowing it will only be lust and go nowhere. Personally, from my experience, the consequences far outweigh the bad.

    As for the question asker, you should never let your boyfriend do something you have no voiced your opinion in. Perhaps hes' seeing his ex's because You do the same thing. The fact is, I think your relationship needs a little more honesty and openness. Don't let him see his ex because you THINK it's for the best. At least voice your opinion and maybe you'll realize he's never been too comfortable about your own ex's. Getting even is a bad sign of things to come. Anyhow this is all subjective, and this may not be the case with you.

  • During my last relationship I would have said no. I got really upset that my girlfriend actually still talked to her ex's. To me and ex was an ex for a reason. Why would you want to be in contact with them unless you want to get back together? I always felt that if she made the effort to talk or be around them then she must still have feeling for him.

    Now that we are broke up, partly because my views in this area I'm completely the other way. You must have the trust that nothing will happen and that they are talking and hanging out because they are friends. Hey they were close enough once to be in a relationship it's not unbelievable to think they still have a lot in common.

    Until they give you a reason to think otherwise, it's just friends and you need to be cool about it.

  • Hell no. If I don't trust her though lol

  • Yes, as said before a good relationship needs trust. Another thing is, ex's can really be friends in the end, me and my ex-girlfriend are very close friends now, and we hang out alot, so if she had a boyfriend who said that she can't talk or hang out with me, she would most likely dump him because he is either a) over-protective or b) doesn't trust her, neither which is very good for a relationship in most cases.

  • its all a thing of trust. do you trust that your boyfriend or girlfriend is over the other person enough to be uninterested in their ex and stay trustworthy to you. I don't have a problem with my girlfriend hanging out with her ex or an old crush because I trust her to be faithful to me and I know she expects the same from me.

  • It all depends on the level of trust you have with her really, so to answer it with a simple yes or no is impossible since it really varies based on the situation.

  • No, because once dead, can be brought back alive and the flame can still be there.

  • alone? NO. in a group yes.

    dont let ur significant other around a girl that they have had sex with. You know how easy it is to get with an ex...they are comfortable in that department so I think its a BIG NO NO.

    dont let guys fool you.

  • No, if she had a desire to meet up with her then there is some residual feelings she needs to situate and I rather not be her experiment. It also depends how much time has passed since you seen that ex if its years then its okay.

  • never... because most guys I think are posessive ... I admit I am... and a girl hangin out with her ex sends the wrong message... even if its not an ex... a girl should never be one on one with a male unless that male was approved by her bf... the same goes for us guys so don't think I'm just some controlling boyfriend lol

    • "a girl should never be one on one with a male unless that male was approved by her bf" I'm sorry but I'm just a tad offended by your statement. "approved by her bf?

      what are you trying to say?

      I don't think any girl should allow the boyfriend to tell them what they should nor, who they can hangout with. She needs her own space and her own friends.

    • There is no doubt that people are possessive but like others have said-trust is a big leading factor. and I think if you are trying to control or restrict the person you are with on the people they can hangout with then I think that's strictly not allowing them to have their own life and space. Because after all us girls aren't toys.

    • I don't think he really meant it like that, but I kinda see what he's sayin, that it does kinda send the wrong message, because yes you trust your girlfriend but do you trust her ex? NO, because like an eariler answer said, that its a very tempting situation because what if her ex has a another girlfriend or not, what if he still liikes your girlfriend , you just don't know, so why let your girlfriend tempt her self if he tries anything

  • god your cute. and yeah its a tough one. its nice to be on good terms with an ex. but that sh*t should be sparse unless you have to interact with them. ie live close same social circles etc. its a bad position to be in feeling like you're investing yourself in a ... rather than a . explain to him that your trust ain't something hell see twice in this life and he can walk away any time he likes but if he's with you and f***s up you ain't an ex hell be hang out with afterwards. if he gets all you're being controlling, be god its immature being stuck on an ex. I need a man and that's how you seemed to me when I met you. send him to bed without any supper. call a few of your exs up. never make it personal. always make it about 'howthis relationship is workingout for you.if any guy cheats on you smile and dump his motherf***in arse in a heartbeat. believe me if he's got a brain hell learn. if not byeeeee!always put yourself in a position whereyou got options. ie go out with a love yur friends when your coupled as well as single.

  • I would, the reason being is that you really can't lose. If she doesn't cheat on you, she's the one you want. If she does cheat, you don't have to waste time with a fraud. Although I won't lie, I might be a bit uneasy...but we're all tested in relationships. If you don't pass the test, you don't pass the class (or in this case, the relationship).

  • i put other, because id be blunt and honest with my gf, that id rather she not hang out with em, and that I know I can't stop her, and that I can be jealous and I don't like to feel jealous and if she really wants to, then okay, il deal with it...

    and no matter how my girlfriend would feel, I never hang out with my exs, wether or not I'm still friends with em, just because I don't wanna make my girlfriend feel jealous no matter what and I wouldn't feel right by hangin out with an ex just because even if I'm single

  • nooooooooooooooooooooo

  • yes as long as there is nothing but pure friendship between them

  • No no Big no. hanging out with ex's means there are huge chances of feelings getting refurnished. That means it might look good as they are hanging out but in future you never know, might dump you for her or might make out with her (hiding such facts from you)

  • Well mine has a mortgage with her ex so they both have to work on keeping the house in good condition that's the only time she would see him

  • YES - firstly if you are in a relationship with someone you should and must have 100% trust - this is unlikely to be achieved for we are all suspicious but even if you say you have near total trust I feel that you must always believe the best - however, if that person has previous form together - ie they've cheated together on you before then no, of course you're not going to let them hang out, however, have faith in him, he may surprise you, or he may not, he may just end up being faithful. If you doubt the chances are your doubt will push him away and then he is either more likely to cheat, or to just pack his bags and go - have a little faith my dear, us men, we're not all wankers... xXx

    • "If you doubt the chances are your doubt will push him away and then he is either more likely to cheat, or to just pack his bags and go"

      very very true. greeat answer.

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What Girls Said 59

  • Yes, I would let my boyfriend hang out with his ex because if we were secure enough in our relationship and I trust him, then I would have no problem with him being near his ex. Even if she was a monster, I would still let him, because the extra comparison of nice girlfriend vs. mean ex-gf is always an added bonus.

    Yes, there are many problems associated with this scenario, but I think it is a good way to see how your guy reacts to situations. If he is a weak guy who just wants to please, then he won't stand up to her. If he is a good, strong guy then he will set boundaries and put her in her place when necessary, etc.

  • I said "Other" because of the following,

    I'm not a control freak, as a matter of fact I loathe people of that sort. My partner's ex is a total control freak, and if my partner told me he was hanging out with her, I'd be f***ing p*ssed. He's still got issues with her, regardless of the fact they've been broken up for 2 years with NO communication. Hell, I was p*ssed as hell when he told me she called him because her freakin cat died. I get that he also had a strong attachment to the cat, but I have to protect what's mine, you know what I'm saying?

    If I view another chick as a threat to my security, you bet your butt I'm going to say Hell No. If the circumstance is that I "don't know her that well", yet she's still a threat to my security, I'll deem it okay so that I can make sure she knows I'm not one to f*** with.

  • No I would not. Definitely not alone. If they are friends then they can hangout together with you present or with others. Explain you concern to your partner. It's the oldest issue in the book. If your partner values you more than his ex then he will make the appropriate changes. If he insists on seeing her alone and feels you're being unfair then you have to decide if you can accept the situation or you just won't stand it. But it depends on what sort of relationship they were in. If they were in love I wouldn't like them around each other but if they went out for 2 weeks meh...it's probably not a big deal. It's not too much to ask that your partner make that little sacrifice because it upsets you.

  • Yes, simply because I trust him, and really love him and know that he feels the same. Even if I didn't it's not a big deal, they're exs for a reason, and it's not because they're still in love. There's a huge rant I could go on but I choose not to. So I'll leave it at yes, I do.

  • Wow I totally understand that you don't want to be the controlling girl friend and props to you for being so cool. I would defenetly try to be the same way in a relationship, I guess if you know his ex's it mabey makes it a little easier but still I could understand how him doing that would make you feel insecure. I don't think I could watch my guy go hang out with his ex's that would hurt me alot. And I would tell him that. Guys want to feel wanted by girls and if he thinks that your totally ok with him seeing other girls then he might think differently of you. And obiously you care about him a lot so just tell him your situation. Be like I want to be a cool girlfriend to you and I don't want to be controling of your life but you have to understand that its really hard for me somtimes to see you spending time with other girls that I know you have had a spark with in the past.

  • i wouldn't have anything to do with my ex and neither would I bother him. my ex boyfriend keeps bothering me though and his momeven tried phon ing me and I think she's psycho and he's psycho.

  • WTH do you mean 'let'?

    You don't OWN them just because he/she is willing to be in a relationship with you!

    That's just idiotic!

    He can hang out with whoever he wants!

    The main thing is that you know, and he shows you that he cares only for you and that he's faithful!

    This kind of attitude...of telling them what to do is exactly why some relationships end soon, never on good terms, and they can never remain friends!

    • Lol calm yourself. let was just the easiest word to use. some girls do say I'd rather you not hang out with her. and things such like that.

    • HAHAH


      My ex was a jackass about this, so I feel passionately about this subject!

      Hahah Sorry...again... xD

  • You can tell them they can't because they are supposed to be worried about spending their time with YOU not an EX! If they are so worried about their ex maybe they shouldn't have broken up with them in the first place.

  • I think all these people are lieing. Anyone who says that not letting someone hangout with an ex means you're insecure or controlling, is full of s@#$. Honestly, they had feelings for this person before they met you, something COULD potentially happen, and it's more likely to if you're not around. No one wants to think of their partner off with an ex. They all try to act tough and remain strong but when it comes down to it no one wants to hear: "Oh I'm going to a movie with Jen tonight or I'm going to grab lunch with Mike" sorry no way. If it didn't work out it didn't work out. What is the reason for being friends? I think it's so that way if things don't work out in your current situation they always have someone to fall back on. DEFINITE NO!

  • I would say yes just because I beyond trust the guy I'm with. He's amazing and if you think you should let him just so he doesn't lie to you...there's something very wrong with your relationship. If it's not based on trust it's probably bs.

  • Yes - they broke up. There's a reason for that. He's with you now. There's also a reason for that. If he didn't want to be with you, he probably wouldn't be. But they still have memories together, and unless they had a really bad breakup, it'd be a shame to throw it all away.

  • i wouldn't be able to stop him because, I can't control what he dose, who he talks to, who his friends are, even though I would prefer him not to, I wouldn't try to stop him. I would however be very insecure wondering why in hell he wants to see his ex? like, I have ex's too but no way would I ever jump at the sight of hanging with them. Ever. so I would be a little confused in such of why he wants to see, speak, spend time with her.

  • I don't care who my boyfriend hangs out with as long as it's totally plutonic. He has no real exes, unless you count video games and well, can't take him off those, so who cares.

    The issue is more about trust than it is who the person is. Although why you hang out with an ex in the first place is another story. Some cases it's OK others it's not... it depends on who and why. If the ex is trying to get back with him, not good... if he's just passing time with you but trying to win the ex back, not good either.

    If they're both moved on and just friends? Fine. Doesn't matter.

    Some people say men and women can't be JUST friends. I don't see why, but I'm a girl. I don't get directed by my groin area... it seems some men are...although I guess women too... *shrugs*

  • For me, I wouldn't be comfortable allowing him to hang out with his ex. Hanging out with an ex, from my experience, brings up a lot of emotions and can actually make the flames start burning again, if you know what I mean. This happened with my past ex who saw me even though he had a girlfriend. It's risky and I wouldn't like it, but I wouldn't tell him he couldn't go. I would tell him that I'm uncomfortable with the idea, and if he chooses to go still, then that means that he doesn't care if he hurts me because it's more important to hang out with his ex.

  • I'm completely ok with my boyfriend being friends with his Ex's and I love that he's ok with me still being friends with mine.

    I personally don't mind because this is the way I see things. My Ex's are my ex's for a reason and I'm not with them because the chemistry we had in a relationship didn't work out. I still get along with them and we're still cool friends but as a couple we just don't work out for some reason or another and that is the way I see his ex's. Those other girls started off as friends and when they got together it just didn't work out. "They're my ex for a reason" If he was still interested in them he would be with them and not me.

    Having a strong bond with my boyfriend and both of us having so much trust lets us have that kind of perk. I know most of my friends aren't ok with their partner being friends with their ex's and I think it's because they're insecure about what they have.

    If I knew that the other girls had feelings for him or the other way around I would not be ok with it at all. Why put yourself in a situation that might go wrong. Is it worth the risk?

  • Maybe-but it depends on the cirsumstances. Like, if she had a boyfriend and they were going to be with other people I would probably say yes. But, if it was a tough break-up and they're just now talking and wanting to be friends again or if they were going to be hanging out alone I would say no.Your not being controlling by asking him not to hang out with his ex, Because, afterall he did have strong feelings for her and they may not have completely died yet. You're not controlling if you tell him he should, you're a human being with feelings and he should understand that you don't want to get hurt and he should respect that

  • I would let them, because I don't monitor people my significant others hang out with. I give them absolute freedom, because in the end it's the only way to trust people. For me personally though, I don't hang out with ex's. Not healty in most situations.

  • No, I wouldn't. If the ex is still in love with your boyfrined then something could happen between them. Some girls are tempters.

  • I know you don't want to be the controlling jealous type of girlfriend but if you really like this guys don't let him...That's kind of how they start liking each other again...I've experienced it! Trust me!

  • no, I would not let my man hang out with his ex because you never know if there is still a sexual attraction there. if he hangs out with her behind my back then what I don't know won't hurt. but I can never hear him say "yeah, I'm going to hang out with my ex jessica for a little while. I'll be home at 9pm." what are you crazy.

  • interesting. I like this. I, myself am a friend of an ex, I do still love him, and would be very jealous of a girlfriend, but hanging out alonge I would do nothing to him, hanging with a girlfriend if he had one would be painful and I would take it out on her...but I don't think I would do anything. Saying that, I think a lot of girls would still do something. I would be there one time when she's hanging with him, and if you feel she's being too forward tell your boy what's in your head and figure it out...

  • Yes cause I would hope that he doesn't do anything stupid .

  • Well to me it depends on there relationship. If it ended with a firm closure then possibly I don't see what's wrong with it. Although have you ever seen the show the Ex-effect where the two ex's hang out for the weekend while there current boyfriend and girlfriend watch. They almost always re-kindle the flame and that is not good either. So I would make sure that she doesn't have ANY likings for your boyfriend and if she does then I would keep him locked up. All I can say is that if he really likes you he will stay faithful.

    • MTV shows are fake. I have seen that show, but that is most definitely scripted, just like the rest of mtv and "reality" television.

      but thank you for your answer :)

  • i wouldn't be happy with it but I don't think anyone has the right to dictate who others interact with. I would also never go out with someone who I didn't trust so I wouldn't stop them from seeing them.

  • depends

  • Hell to the no because the feelings would still be there and something could happen where they will betray you. Why would they have to hang with their exes? Doesn't your boy/girlfriend have friends they can hang with?

  • It would only upset me if they hung out alone. But even still, I probably wouldn't do anything about it because I don't want to seem controlling.

  • i think it depends on the situation. Like how long have they been apart?! And have they been reunited as friends for awhile or just randomly hanging out?

  • Yes, because I'm still friends with most of my ex-boyfriends :)

  • deffenitly

    • You definitely would let him hang out with his ex? why is that? (although, I would too)

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