Be honest and tell me what I should do?
I gained a bunch of weight recently; for the first time ever. I had nasal surgery from a life of football/rugby/boxing/jiu jitsu. I couldn't exercise much after and am overweight for the first time ever. I was confident and have hooked up with hot girls in my past.
Now I feel self conscious and don't know if it's pointless to pursue pretty girls until I get in shape or if I should still go for it?
I feel my being confident and funny/charming int he past has helped more than how I looked but I don't know if girls are superficial to this point. I feel guys that are in great shape/really good looking or tall "get more interviews" but not necessarily "the job". Like you have to prove yourself when talking to a girl. but I may be wrong. If so how do I get my confidence back?
I'm 5'10 and was 200 pounds (of muscle but not crazy ripped). I feel i'm stronger, still a solid athlete (won a tennis tournament recently, but am 260 and def. have a stomach/signs of being overweight. I've never had low self confidence in this way and never was overweight. I tried online dating but didn't get many responses and stopped after a week.
- Do I try to date/approach girls now?Vote A
- Should I get in shape first?Vote B
Most Helpful Guy
From personal experience I noticed that FORCING yourself to behave in a certain manner, because of an insecurity will only backfire on you later on. For instance let's say you meet this hot chick right. And you are just like "WOW. I'd definitely cuddle with her and watch greys" if you had to hype yourself up and tell yourself that you had to be confident before you guys even spoke. You already lost the battle. Do you know why? Because it was not NATURAL. If you pretend to be confident, soon, and I mean very soon. Your insecurities will begin to show. And she will most likely think you are a wannabe and a loser then leave you.
BUT THERE IS A SOLUTION.
*queue fantasy trumpets*
To some this might sound cliché but it's actually very effective.
#1 Stop Fapping. Women are generally more attracted to a man with energy and vigour than an exhausted piece of shit. And fapping will most likely lead to the latter. So stop it
#2 FIND OUT WHAT ARE THE THINGS THAT MAKE YOU INSECURE OR UNCONFIDENT AND ACCEPT IT. I'm not saying don't work on it. Do. But acceptance is the biggest step on the road to rule. It is a sure fire way to success. Why? Because "acceptance" will lead you to be more comfortable in your own skin! And nothing is more attractive to a woman that. I mean if you were to go on a date and stress about your belly showing through your shirt, you think you going to have fun? no! Just make yourself comfortable :) if you are comfortable with yourself, she'll be comfortable around you! Ta-dah!
#3 "You must be shapeless, formless, like water. When you pour water in a cup, it becomes the cup. When you pour water in a bottle, it becomes the bottle. When you pour water in a teapot, it becomes the teapot. Water can drip and it can crash. Become like water my friend."0