How to never let myself get depressed over a guy again?

I fell for this guy when I was about 18. He broke my heart and i spent two years being depressed over him. Two years of feeling insecure, and worthless and seeking attention from guys to momentarily pass the loneliness.

It helped me grow as a person but I was in a dark place and it was because of him. I NEVER want that to happen again.

How do I prevent it from happening again?

Updates:
I forgot to mention I turned into a super bitch and started playing guys for a majority of that time too once I gained my confidence back. I am now finally at a place where I am almost at peace with myself and I am just scared of becoming that person again.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • I know exactly how you feel although in a much less extreme sense. I learned a lot from my broken heart.

    When i find someone really nice ill make sure i dont develop to much feelings early on. Simply avoid romantic fantasies and thoughts. I will do this until i know for sure we both have mutual true love and after this i let my feelings go wild.

    The day we separate ways i always find comfort in how things are now. If deep down you know it is better that way dont keep dwelling in your fantasies and memories of how they used to be. While it is fine to think about them if they pop in your mind you should confirm to your mind that yes they where awsome back then but its no longer the case. Eventually your mind will play along.

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    • this ^

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    • Know that feelings aren't the same as love.
      You mainly get feelings from intimacy or romance even if it is just a fantasy (Exactly why i avoid those). The fact you dont develop them that fast is a blessing because that gives you a lot of time to see clearly if someone is worth loving. While feelings make everything more colourfull they are not a requirement to find love so dont let the lack of them stop your interest while at the same time preventing the wrong guys from putting you in situations where you develop them easy. Once you found the right guy you dont have feelings for try the exact opposite of my earlier advice on how to avoid them, imagine him doing all kind of wonderful things with you eventually your mind will follow especially if you act these out in real life.

    • Hmm thank you that's a really different approach to things.

What Guys Said 4

  • Breakups are hard. The way around them is to realise that you don't so much feel depressed about the PERSON but more about the TIME SPENT WITH THEM. The solution, therfore, is to occupy the time you would have been around them with other things - learn a new hobby, take a class, get lost in a video game, make new friends, invite others out to lunch or coffee. It takes practice, and it's always harder the longer you've been with someone - just try not to be resentful to others just because you're having a rough time. The only way to prevent it from happening again is to never fall for someone, never let your heart melt. You have to be willing to take that risk.

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    • I like the idea of taking a risk. I'm just not sure if I am strong enough I guess... and I haven't met a guy that really compares to him as of yet anyway.

  • You must have loved him so much.. Stories like these that make me believe less in love.
    There's not much i can say but just remember that the guy wasn't worth it at all. He should be the one getting depressed one because he lost you, second he was responsible for a different you that you became after breaking up with him.
    I wish you all the best for your future endeavors :)

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  • Playing other guys, because of one guy breaking ur heart? You ain't a bitch! Just a attention seeking ho ;)

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  • 1) How did he break your heart?
    2) What is your relationship with your parents? Specifically your Father and Grandfather (s)?
    3) You were truly insecure for two years due to the breakup from a HS relationship?
    4) Do you have any medical conditions or treatments for any mental disorders?

    You want to be pat on the back, I am sure someone here will do so. You want an honest answer, you need to be direct, to the point, forthcoming and I will give you one.

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    • I think it's really going to be a process for me. I definitely will try to stop thinking about him and I won't date anyone else in the process as I need to clear my mind. I don't want another lying cheater in my life and will never let that happen again.

      I guess I just need to work on myself and learn to be happy without a man.

    • @asker Good for you, you should be proud of yourself. Recognition for improvement is a difficult thing for anyone. You have nothing to be ashamed of nor worry about is this is simple growing pains and learning how to differentiate the good people from not so good, or bad. Don't be hard on yourself and, most of all, leave your heart open and not jaded for when Mr. Right does come knocking.

What Girls Said 2

  • I've had this exact problem before but for me I was depressed for 5 years and tbh I'm still not over him after what he did to me.. I never flirted with any guy I only wanted them to be my close friend and whenever they told me they were starting to like me I never talked to them again... But the point if what u should do is don't give in to men u start seeing so quickly... Take some time to get to know them... Hang out with them but don't make them think that hanging out with them means dating... Maybe fully get to know them and whenever u know EVERYTHING u need to know meaning past relationships how they ended, they're child hood... Get deep with them once its been a while for the 2 of u just teach urself to not fall for men sooooo easily... Sometimes men will say anything to impress a girl... Its reaaally hard to prevent heart breaks in relation ships I've been hurt multiple times, never got used to it, never gave up either till now I finally found that someone I know is right for me. But my point is... It'll take a few heart breaks till u find the RIGHT guy for u

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  • Take the things from that relationship that broke you and thing you don't want, and apply them to your next bf. Be strict about what you don't want/ won't stand for, and walk away from any guy that resembles those negative things. There's no guarantee that you won't get hurt, bc relationships mean taking that risk. But you can take steps to try and prevent history from repeating itself.

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