I need quick advice on a guy! Thanks!!

A year ago this guy liked me but I told him straight up that I was only interested in him as a friend. Every so often he would still ask to hang out, but half the time I would blow him off because I felt he was still trying to date me and I didn't want to lead him on. However, I felt bad because I do genuinely value him as a friend and enjoy his company.

Anyways he just texted me asking if I would come over to his apartment to watch a movie with him around 4pm when he gets off work tomorrow. Should I go? I just feel really bad always making excuses! What should I say back? Does this scenario seem like a "more than friends" hangout, or can I go and keep it friendly? I really don't want to lead him on, but I don't want to be mean to him. The signals I got the last time I was with him told me he still has feelings, but I also don't want to make the assumption that he still likes me when he could just want to be my friend. And I can't lie to him (by saying I have a boyfriend...etc) because we go to the same college and he will find out. Thanks!

I am 19 btw


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Oh for christ sakes. This is the kind of bullshit dishonesty that causes guys to think that women are dishonest, and your avoidance is what makes guys think twice about ever asking a girl out.

    Ok so you feel bad making excuses? Fine! Stop making excuses. There is always the chance he just wants to be your friend. Some guys can get over a girl. So you here have the option of either telling him you rather not because you feel uncomfortable about him, because he asked you out, or going to his place watching the damned movie and just let whatever happens happens. It isn't rocket science dear. Just hanging out with a guy isn't leading him on. It's fine. If he tries to pull something then you have yet another opportunity to just shoot him down and then explain it to him in great detail what the problem is. Telling him that you're not interested, and really wish that he'd stop.

    Let me ask you, is a little direct, open and honest dialogue with a person really so hard? I mean everyone says they want honesty, but frankly I'm seeing less and less people engaging in it. Seriously just drop the bullshit, and then either be his friend or tell him what's what, or both. But don't ask us to give you ideas on how to lie to him or ask us how you can come up with more lame fucking excuses on how to keep avoiding him. Not only is it completely pointless but frankly if you did you'd makes you seem sad pathetic, dishonest, unlikable and entirely unsympathetic.

    This situation seems plainly like a simple friend get together to me, so take him up on his offer or don't, you choose. Whatever you do just be honest for a change.

    Try it out. Good luck.

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    • I didn't ask for ideas on how to lie. I really feel you are accusing me of being a terrible person here. I'm not bad or dishonest, and I'm definitely not full of bullsh*t. It's just that if a guy asks me to go out it is really hard for me to just flat out say "no, I don't want to go with you." instead I say "I can't go". I'm not a huge liar, its more that I hate hurting peoples feelings in any way. I know I need to work on this, but I don't think you needed to completely explode on me to tell me that

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    • ... giving more advice to a situation I might nto fully understand I'll wait until you can tell me what it is I'm not getting.

      Again sorry for getting snarky with you.

    • I'm checking back on a lot of my old answers like I usually do. I wanted to do a follow up to see if what I told you was at all helpful to you. Did my advice help?

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't see your problem.

    IF you "value him as a friend" ... shouldn't you feel OK to be friends and hang out with him.

    IF he understands that ... so should he.

    BUT maybe you have a communication problem with each other and send MIXED MESSAGES.

    You SHOULD go if you want to but not otherwise. MAybe it'll be the opportunity to ensure your intentions are clear. Also to discover whether he does have ulterior motives. MAke a plan to watch the movie but ALSO reach an agreement on where you both stand and then set the boundaries.

    Good luck

    John

    The Infotainer.com

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What Girls Said 1

  • Instead of blowing him off, you could say well I have to be and name some public place or area about that time but why don't you come meat me pick a nearby place and get something to eat. That way you aren't in his apartment watching a movie. That isn't buddy stuff unless the buddy part is already estabished. Or just tell him you can't. That isn't being mean at all. It isn't mean not to date someone you don't want to date.

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