Guys is confused the same as "not that into you?"

So, I have been seeing this guy for a little while now and we both admit that we have never felt this way about another person. He is perfect (for me that is). Everything about us just clicks, naturally. I told him that he should ALWAYS be honest with me because that is the way I want my relationships to work.

He came to me, in a fit of this honesty, and told me that his ex wants him back. This was his first girlfriend, his first love. They dated in college and then she dumped him for another guy. Then YEARS later, they got back together and were together for 4 years and it ended, kind of badly, but they are still "friends."

He told her about me and she said that she realized that she may not have another opportunity to tell him that she wants another chance.

He says that he is confused because he knows we are perfect for one another and that he couldn't ask for anything more in me. That his feelings for me are real and that he knows we could make each other happy. BUT he doesn't know why he is still attached to this other woman. He has asked me to bare with him while he figures it out.

He sends me emails and texts all the time, telling me how important I am to him and how wonderful I am and how I shouldn't be afraid... but... if there was no reason to be afraid and I'm so wonderful, why is he confused?

So, stay and fight for a man I know I am in love with or cut and run because he is clearly not decided on me?

HELP?!?!


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him to figure out what kind of girl he wants, give him the time. If he can't even figure that out, and take the easy way out and say, "I want both", then you know what to do.

    Don't compete for him, because that only escalates his price, as in an auction. It also makes you cheap. Although he is being treated like a commodity (i.e. a dead object, a trophy), he does get the advantage of playing both sides. Competition turns a relationship into war, the ego put on facades, use lies, manipulation, smokescreen ...etc, any means is justifiable to the ego, which worries nothing but survival.

    Your boyfriend should realiaze what kind of ex he has gottten himself, especially if he has told her about you ---- a selfish girl who builds her own happiness on other's pain, namely yours. Remember, she dumped him too. If he is smart, he would realiaze how lucky he got off the hook last time.

    If his ego is so stupid that it is thinking, "Now I can finally have her", and walk back into the same old trap, then let him suffer more tortures and learn his lesson, since he hasn't learnt it. You lose nothing valuable. Who wants to hang around with someone as stupid as this?

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What Guys Said 2

  • There are two possibilities. 1) He really is confuse and is ambivalent about what he wants most as both are attractive options and he is not yet willing to eliminate the possibility of something that could be great with either one of you. 2) He is stalling because he likes the possibility of his ex and may favor her a bit over you but doesn't yet want to fully commit himself to that course. I guess it could be the other way as well with you having a slight edge but the option of his ex is still intriguing. He is trying to decide between better and best right now realizing that either way he has to give up the possibility of something he finds desirable.

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  • Don't run from him, just give him a little time to make up his mind. Your situation is not the only one like this; you are not alone. If you give him time, he will realize that he is with you right now and that it would be pointless to get back together with someone who hurt him so bad. His ex broke up with him, she's the stupid one for doing that, she had her chance and she threw away sometone great.

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What Girls Said 6

  • He is attached to this woman because she was his 1st love, don't you remeber your 1st love? It's something that always stays with you, even if she/he is not a 1st love. they become a part of you forever, it doesn't mean your still in love, but it's am important event in your life, he is confusing his past feelings with the preasent, seeing her again is bringing back those feelings, and now that he know she wants him back those feelings are aloud to resurface. I say you fight for him, you love him, show him that you are the better choice than her. but don't go over the top, you don't want him to think your going to wait around forever, then he will never choose because he won't have to, if your not "with" him right now, go on dates meet other people and if you are, go out with friends have fun, don't sit around the house waiting for him to call or text or e-mail. tell him about your fun days let him know your not sitting around mopping without him, but don't give up on him yet.

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  • cut and run it will mos def make him make a choice real quick jus tell him you're not up to being number 2 to anyone or on the back burner. if not you'll end up just being a spare tire to him.

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    • OH... I already told him that he can speak to me but he can't see me or spend any real time with me until his gets it together. In my mind he has another week to figure it out. What confuses me is the lovey dovey, you're so amazing, our connection is so wonderful AFTER he has told me he's confused about this other woman... I don't know... I have never competed for a man and I don't want to start now.

    • Right! I hope it works out for you. good luck.

  • Fight for him. Win him back, that bitch is just gonna hurt him again. She only wants him because you want him too. Its hard with the first love, show him how much better it is with the new love

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  • Give him some time to figure out his feelings.

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  • I know it's hard, and it seems unfair, but I think you should wait it out a bit. Sometimes it's the moments and the familiarity you have with that person that make completely letting go the hardest. I would wait it out a bit, but if he really can't decide then he's being ridiculous.

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  • I agree with giving him some time, but not too much time or he may get into his head that he can have both. His dilemma probably has to do something with history. He has a much bigger history with this other girl and he probably doesn't know how to deal with it. It sounds like she's always been in his life in some form or another for a long time and by refusing her offer it's pretty much done for them. Most people can't stick around while they like someone who is dating someone else. And it would probably be destructive to your relationship if she later tried to seduce him. I don't know how long you've been seeing him, but he's probably really considering what a future with you entails. He might've thought about it in passing before, but now he's sort of forced to. I don't think it's a matter of him not liking you otherwise he would've flat out told you and went back to her. He just needs to figure out what he wants. I'm rooting for you. You sound like you've got a decent head on your shoulders and this girl has already had her chance with him. Twice, even. It's your turn to show him what he's been missing. Just be careful of him not wanting to choose and trying to have his cake and eat it too. I think all you can do while he's thinking is to be yourself and maybe little things will remind him how perfect you are for him and all the things that click between you two. Good luck. :)

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