Good-looking but never had a boyfriend - why?

I'm an 18-year-old girl, not the hottest one on campus, but I do have a nice slim body with some curves and a cute face. Nothing super fancy, nothing ugly. I'm a bit shy in groups, but I talk to a lot of people, have some very good friends (some of whom were very surprised when I told them I'd never had a boyfriend - just so you know it's not just me lol) and am not a total brat either. In short, I'd say I'm a decent person. Still, I've never had a boyfriend or even anyone ask me out/try to kiss me/make a statement that suggests anything of the sort. Sometimes I get to know a guy and I have a feeling that things are going in that direction and then, nothing. It's not like I'm desperate for a boyfriend, but I'd like at least some appreciation, you know?
I've been trying to think of reasons for this, but the only things I've been able to come up with are that I, one, am rather passive about stuff like this (I'd never say to a guy "Hey, you wanna go out with me?") and two, I never go to parties. Maybe I'm too stupid to pick up hints? I really am confused about this.
Do you guys have any opinions on this? Has this happened to you or a friend of yours? Thanks in advance!

Updates:
I do talk to boys, in fact, I just started studying at a big university and have therefore been getting to know many people, both girls and boys, that's not the problem. It's rather that it never goes further than that.
Oh my god, too many good answers! I apologize to everyone I couldn't pick for MHO, you've all been helpful!

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Part of the attraction needs to be you showing interest back. This shyness is probably a huge reason. Guys are probably indicating interest but mainly checking to see if you respond back. If you remain "passive" you fall into the "wallflower" category for them and they just assume you'll just keep taking all their attention and not giving it back meaning you are not interested in them.

    Get into the habit and making it a point to show you're interested and assume all your "passiveness" is a no answer. If you do nothing, nothing will happen like it's been for you. Also don't do all these "subtle hints" either. Guys will either remain unaware of your "hints" or if they do see you giving a "subtle hint" will see it as insecurity and be turned off by it. If any of your approaches have even a 1% chance of being misinterpreted it won't be regarded as any form of approach.

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What Guys Said 13

  • Well, you sound like this one girl who i tried to ask out. If someone does ask you out or try to see if your interested and you play it so passive they won't bother. Would honestly need to see a picture to see what you are talking about but from just your description you sound so reserved when talking and acting around other people that they probably think you aren't interested in dating anyone. Try and put yourself out there a little more. But so you know i didn't get my first girlfriend till i was a senior in high school and I've only ever had 2 girlfriends. Everyone just moves at a different pace.

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    • Thanks for your opinion, it's very helpful :)

  • Dont worry at all. Its sad but in our society, the easiest way to have a BF/GF is to go to clubs and drink a lot and party often. Since you never go to parties, thats probably why you never had a BF. For the same reason as me, im kinda ''shy'', and I hate drinking and clubbing so I never really had the chance to meet a girl.

    But dont worry aboyt getting some appreciation, im sure you are a really cute and nice person, and you will eventually find a guy who likes you. Just be really carefull about ''wanting'' too much to have a BF. In clubs, you will easily find a lot of horny Dbag who will be interested in you, but I dont really recommend you those types of guys since you said you never go to parties. Just wait a bit and im sure you will find a nice guy. Have a nice day :) !

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  • If they don't come to you, why don't you go to them? Not taking initiative is why you've never had a boyfriend, you gotta make the first step, talk to guys, get to know them. Don't always expect that because you're attractive, guys are gonna go to you, it takes more than beauty to make a guy approach you.
    I'm not trying to sound harsh, but it's the truth. I've seen many questions from girls that say they're beautiful, but never had a boyfriend, and they never approach guys... so how do you expect to have a boyfriend if you don't approach.
    If you wait until they approach you, you're gonna have less chances, and maybe guys don't approach you as much because of your body language. Most of the times it's our body language what stops people from approaching us.

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    • I appreciate your answer, but I'm not sure that's the problem. I do talk to guys (mostly in uni after some seminar or something since it's hard to get to know people otherwise if you don't go to parties), sometimes I initiate the conversation and sometimes it's them. The problem is rather that it doesn't go further than that. Maybe I'm giving off the wrong signals? Haha this is too complicated.

    • Maybe your attitude is more friendly than flirty, that's why guys tend to not go further with you, or just leave it as friends.
      Or maybe, like I said before, your body language shows that you're uninterested in them, even though you actually are interested.

    • Yeah, I guess that's more my problem, thanks :) I'll try to work on it without feeling like I'm throwing myself at people lol

  • I feel you, I'm not particularly good looking but still, there would have to be one girl out there that finds me interesting? Don't worry though, we are all going to make it! ^^

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  • "(I'd never say to a guy "Hey, you wanna go out with me?"
    lol HELL no, you don't need to say that. If you're even AVERAGE, dudes should be onto you frequently.

    I'm willing to bet there's something off with the way you present yourself. It's either you aren't as good looking as you think (no offense) or the way you dress/present yourself. When girls ask this same question about how they can't get a BF or whatever, 9/10 times it's the same reason. I take a glance at their pic and it tells the entire story.

    Post a pic anon or message me. I'm a good judge, #HonestTruth awaits!

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  • Approaching them helps. I to am 18 and have never had a girlfriend. I'd like to think that I'm good looking and I have a really nice personality. Maybe I also never picked up on the hints, or maybe I just haven't found anyone because I'm just to picky and you could be to. I feel desperate sometimes to, but I never lower my standards on what I want.

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    • Let me assure you, you are good-looking. And I agree, even though I sometimes feel like I'm somewhat... weird because of this, I'd never lower my standards. It's just that I'd like to be acknowledged as a woman sometimes.

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    • Yeah, sounds logical to me. I'd like to be friends first, too. The only problem with that is that sometimes, people start out as friends and only one of them goes into it with the intention of taking it further. And that possibility scares the shit out of me lol

    • Yeah, and if that happens sadly, you just have to move on to the next person.

  • Me thinks your subconcious is holding you back.

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  • be a bit more outgoing, suggestive and brave

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  • just go out there and approach a guy its 2014 just go out there

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    • I'd feel like I'm throwing myself at guys - I know it's stupid, but it's true.

  • I'm good looking supposedly and never had a girlfriend

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  • Ask me out (((((;

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  • 18 is still young, i'm sure you will have one before age 25

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    • Yeah it's just that I don't really know anyone my age who's never been kissed or anything. Anyway, you're right.

    • ya, since you are a girl be glad you don't have to be the initiator

  • lots of guys aren't interested any more

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What Girls Said 6

  • Unless you're incredibly good looking men aren't going come running to fall at your feet. Even then, sometimes being too good looking can work against rather than for you.
    Your problems are in the fact you are shy, you probably give a guy noting to chase. Men rarely approach a woman who's shown absolutely no interest, why set themselves up to get shot down.

    In relevance to never being asked out/kissed or whatever. Have you ever actually been in a situation where that could happen? You said you don't party, do you actually ever meet new people? Maybe you can't read signals very well. This is just a detrimental to finding a guy as not being able to give them.

    I think you need to put yourself out there.

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    • I know what you mean. It's not that I wanna get asked out all the time or stuff like that, just some appreciation from time to time would be nice. I mean, girls of all kinds - prettier and uglier, smarter and less smart, nicer and more rude than me - have boyfriends and get asked out or at least hit on. I think you might be right about the "showing no interest" thing. I guess I try too play cool or be funny too often because I don't know how to react.

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    • Contrary to popular belief, good-looking women don't have men falling at their feet, the way they do in movies. Lots of guys assume that if a girl is beautiful, she most likely has a boyfriend already and do not bother asking her out.

    • @CoriolisEffect if you're good looking and you give a guy some genuine signals of interest, he falls at your feet if he likes he way you look and isn't intimidated.
      The point is, if you are generally good looking, it increases the chances of the guy your are giving signals to responding since he's more likely to find you attractive.

  • Why don't you approach them instead?

    It's probably the shyness tbh, it can come off as snobbish (even though it's not) and such to people who aren't shy

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    • It's not about approaching anyone, really. I mean, it's not like I go into a room full of new people and start talking to everyone but I do approach new people, that's not the problem. It just doesn't get anywhere, ever. I mean, I just started uni in a very big city, it's hard NOT to get to know tons of new people^^

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    • I haven't actually. However - I don't know what it's like in your culture - where I live, it's not very common to do that anymore. You hang out together, see each other at parties (which I never attend) and somehow end up together. I find it hard to make it clear to somebody that I am interested in more than casually-hanging-out-and-watching-netflix or meeting-with-a-group-of-friends, since I'm not really interested in getting to know somebody like that - it can be very misleading. I like that it's easier to get to know people in general without them thinking you want more from them than friendship, but it also makes it harder to get the contrary point across, if you know what I mean ;)

    • Right, that's pretty normal but also at some point someone has to have the balls to make it known that it's a more than friends situation.

  • Im sorry, I didn't read it all. I read as far as the bit where you said you didn't have a fancy face, at which point my mind started wondering what a fancy face was. Does it have frills? Is it gold plated? Is it only used for Sunday best? With such pivotal questions left unanswered I didn't feel I was able to carry on.

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    • Well, hello Mrs. Queen-of-Sarcasm. I was referring to my looks in general. Do you now feel like it's possible to continue reading, or are you still too distracted? ;)

    • I finished reading it, but to be honest you've had some good answers already and I don't have anything to add. Your MH is well chosen :)

  • OH MY GOD this is seriously me. I just asked a very similar question as well 😂

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  • this happens to me all the time. I'm 21 and still never had a boyfriend.

    I'm fit, healthy, athletic, captain of my soccer team, and in the top 10 of my class grade wise. I dress like a girly girl but am a tom boy in personality.

    I've always been "one of the guys" and have tons of male friends (almost no female friends). I'm outgoing and talk to almost anyone yet I've never even been asked out.

    I don't know what to tell you, I'm in the same boat :/

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  • I’m in the exact same boat as you. I’m not bad looking – in fact, people have told me I am pretty (I don’t agree). Still, never been on a date or gotten asked out. My mom told me I often look “scary,” & I think by that she meant I looked unapproachable/intimidating. Perhaps that is what drives guys away. I sometimes see them looking at me like they’re interested & might want to talk to me, but they never do. One guy was brave enough to say hi, though.
    If a guy does talk to you, be nice to him 'cause it takes an incredible amount of courage to do that. Trust me, I know: I asked out 2 guys (not at the same time), but they both had to say no 'cause they were in relationships. I thought I was going to pass out or die because I was SO nervous, and that was when I realized what an admirable & courageous act it is to ask out a girl.
    I think girls are more intimidating than guys, but of course you would never think that since you yourself are a girl (as am I). Think about it: if you were a man & you saw this gorgeous woman who looked & dressed smart and she carried herself with confidence and didn’t take a second look at the guys around her – how would you feel? You’d probably be too scared to approach her, though you might want to. Perhaps you’re giving a similar impression to the guys at your school and they think to themselves, “She would never go out with me” / or “I bet she already has a boyfriend, so why bother?”
    I talked to an older guy once (he was in his 50s, so he’s pretty knowledgeable) an&d he said one of the main reasons that beautiful girls don’t get asked out as often as you think is 'cause guys assume that she must already have a boyfriend.
    Maybe you can act a little bit more outgoing (if you’re comfortable) or kind of smile as you’re walking around on campus so that you don’t look cold and scary. Ha ha.
    Anyway, I don’t know if that helped or not, but good luck! ☺

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    • Thanks for your detailed answer, it made me feel understood and really helped understanding what I'm expecting boys to do. Kudos for asking out two guys, I'd die before I did that lol

    • You're welcome. I'm sure there a lot of other girls like us out there.
      Yeah, asking them out was the bravest thing I've ever done. I can never do it again!! Ha ha

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