Seeing this girl tomorrow, I want to talk about sex, relationships and 'us'?

I'm seeing this girl tomorrow night, and I want to talk to her. Talk to her about what she looks for in a guy, talk about her views on sex and generally about us. I want to confess to her that i like her, but that I am willing to take things slow until she is ready and that she shouldn't be afraid of me or of 'this', whatever 'this' is.

Maybe even tell her that i would like a relationship with her, if she is willing.

What are your guys thoughts on this? I want communication, and so does she, and i think its time we started communicating.

Updates:
I should probably mention that if this pulls through, it'll be both of our first 'real' relationship... she is inexperienced, and so am I.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Sounds like you're stating to talk about way too much for what is appropriate at this stage of the game. You should limit your conversations now to confessing how you feel and asking her out.

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    • it's not our first date though... we've been going out for just over a month. She does know i like her, because she told me she can see it. But i want her to hear it from me, personally. Do you still stand by your advice? If so, by asking her out, you mean ask her to be my girlfriend? Even though a few days ago she said she didn't feel the chemistry?

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    • And just two more questions before i move on... If by small chance she is unsure, or afraid because its a first "potential" relationship... Should i reassure her that she doesn't need to be afraid and that we can take our time?

      Also she said she wants to be friends if this doesn't lead anywhere... but personally, i think we are a little too far beyond that line to just return to being friends.. should i tell her this?

    • To question 1, yes, reassure her that you can take time.

      To question 2, if you don't want to be friends with her, that's completely understandable to not want to go back. You should tell her that and start limiting contact with her.

What Girls Said 1

  • personally id appreciate knowing exactly how the guy feels and what he's thinking. if you came out with all this it'd increase my respect for you. my attraction exists as soon as we meet-or it doesn't. these actions increase my view of your personality, but id already be into you physically if it was going to go somewhere.

    i agree with kheserthorpe. trust and comfort id like you being patent for. but if I'm not attracted to you waiting won't alter that. its a simple is or isn't situation.

    though i see nothing in your post about her not being attracted, but be on a comment.

    if you guys are dating she's probably attracted on some level.

    ok i just read your comment about chemistry. well I'm going to switch from being 'her' to being 'you'.

    if i were you i guess id just dump all this on her just so i could be sure she really wasn't interested and make a clean break.

    thats me. id rather get rejected directly then just kind of wonder.

    especially if id already decided to talk about all this. id just carry it through. really there's nothing to lose,. if you do nothing nothing happens anyhow. so might as well.

    we don't really know what she means by chemistry.. its a stretch but maybe its how she says'not ready'. I don't know well see when you talk ;)

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    • Thing is though... when i saw her AFTER she dropped the chemistry bomb, I had my friend help me out a little with timing and stuff. i asked him about what he thought about the whole situation and he said that the vibe wasn't that of "no chemistry" or "just wanting to be friends". We played: throwing ice down each other's shirts, i touched my foot against hers, she thought i stepped on it, and retaliated, playfully. We cuddled, after i took her hand the first time, she would then take my hand and wouldn't let go for long; she held onto me; she kissed me... In fact, since then i've been incredibly confused by the whole thing. Maybe its just my wishful thinking, but I think she might be a little afraid; unsure because it's her first real shot at a relationship. She is also pretty shy.

      Also, the past few days i haven't initiated contact with her... yet she would initiate.

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    • yeah when were drink its not that were honest but we lose our inhibitions. so if we usually like or are not direct the desire to be guarded is brought down significantly, if not removed entirely.

    • Okay... So we talked. Gave me this whole thing about not being over her ex, yada yada. Have proceeded with no contact; cutting ties and moving on.

      If this posts twice, I apologize. Typing from my phone and my original comment didn't show up...

What Guys Said 3

  • " she didn't feel the chemistry"

    This is probably going nowhere. Chemistry isn't something you want to "wait" for. Comfort and trust, sure. The attraction should be there pretty damn fast.

    That said, I think the last part - telling her what you want - is better than interrogating her while you keep your cards hidden.

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    • Attraction was there from the get go... that's why I asked her out, because the signals she was throwing at me was pretty obvious... She walked past me and smiled, and do the whole "looking" back thing. When i first asked her out, she came and stood by me while i was at work. Didn't say much, but stood there for a few minutes before going home.
      Everytime i see her, she plays with her hair, and fiddles. She'd often look into my eyes and smile (she did that too on Monday as well, after she sent the "no chemistry" message). That is why i'm confused about it... she says there's no chemistry, but not from my point of view, or my friends... ALL of my friends said they're sure she likes me.

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    • Okay i won't interrogate her, but following the others advice i will tell her how i feel and that i would like a relationship with her, we can take our time and learn from each other, but i would like to do this so i know whether to stick around or move on.

    • Yeah. Say what you feel and want, and go from there.

  • d00d if this is your first time meeting her then don't dumptruck all of this information on her.

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    • It's not... We've been seeing each other since early November, and we met about a month-2 months before that...

    • okay good. I wasn't sure. well I would take it 1 step at a time.

  • Be careful here, Anon. I don't know your style or what you're planning as far as getting the discussion started but you could come off as a bull in a china closet or 'creepy'. Personally, I'd let the conversation just 'flow' and let HER bring up all these topics. Doesn't have to be tomorrow. Could be next week. You can put VERY subtle questions into your natural conversation that will allow her to take the lead (She says: 'I'm glad you brought that up. I was wondering how you feel about...'). DO NOT "CONFESS" ANYTHING. Be cool!

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    • i disagree. i think since he knows what he wants and he's not sure if anything is going to happen he should just put it on the table and move on if she's not interested.

      no one really is bothered by knowing whats going on. it only 'ruins' things if they use it against you but thats not someone you want anyhow.

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    • So? How'd it go?

    • Long story short... she told me she can't get over an ex, she sees me as a friend and wadda wadda. There was a slight misunderstanding, after which I initiated no contact, and after 2 days, she practically begged me stay friends. I think there is something there, but i think she is hiding it from herself, so i'm just going to remain friends with her and keep trying.

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