I don't want abuse, just advise please?

I've asked this a few times but all I get is abuse, not advise. I realize i was an idiot and have learnt my lesson. Basically. ... met a guy online, spoke daily via phone/text for three months. I was insecure so refused dates or changed the subject when he asked. I also said i'd meet other guys and f##k them because i wanted to see if he cared. I upset him countless times and he gave me numerous chances. The final time he said he still likes me but doesn't want more hurtful comments so he's happy to stay mates. We didn't speak for a week. He ignored me. Then agreed to meet as friends when he's free. It's three weeks later and he barely replies anymore. I sent 'will you meet me in town and let me buy you lunch? I still have your birthday gift from months ago and really want you to have it' he replied 'honestly you don't have to buy me lunch Rachel'... we've text a few times since but i don't understand his reply?

1. Is he agreeing to meet but i don't have to buy his lunch or is he declining?
2. If we do meet is there a possibility of him forgiving me and wanting to date me again because i've committed to finally meeting?
3. Is he acting this way to protect himself from more hurt because he says he still likes me?
4. Any tips to help me convince him i've learnt my lesson and put my guard down now?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • I think if I were him and you said something like that to me I would immediately think that I wouldn't want any more to do with you.

    Did you actually say in those words? What does that have to do with your own insecurity? What does refusing his dates have to do with your own insecurities?

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    • I appreciate your honesty. So it's a miracle he's still talking to me? Would you assume played games? That's what my mates said.

      I said worse. I went into explicit details of what i would do with guys. Even though i'm not like that. It was over a year ago I even kissed a guy... I'm an idiot. I've made myself come across as a slut... because i'm VERY insecure about my looks. .. he's seen 100s of pics only I feel loo k worse in person. Guys always fancy me but I hate looking in the mirror... I recently met a guy mate i've been talking to online for year's for the first time and he told me I look better in person. He ga 've me advise n this guy and I feel confident to meet now as I realize it's worth the risk. I can't lose him :(

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    • Thanks :)... I only asked because after we fell out and I asked whether i could call he kept saying it wasn't a good idea. I'll call him after work. Does this mean there's possibly a chance?

    • It really depends on his own feelings, you can only hope and also prepare yourself for the worse. At least you know you tried everything afterwards.

What Guys Said 3

  • 1. I don't think he is declining so much as avoiding you.
    2. There is always a chance someone will forgive you. Just show you want to seriously commit to him and that you have learned from past mistakes.
    3. He could be doing it to protect himself or maybe he has moved on.
    4. All you can do is pour your heart out to him and tell him that you've changed for the best.

    I wish you luck with whatever happens and in the future just remember to always put a lot of thought into the things you say because one sentence can damage a relationship beyond repair.

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    • Thanks. He tells me he still likes me but it was looking as if i'd never meet and I upset him. Surely he won't be avoiding meeting me when he's tried for three months?:(

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    • Well I guess just move on then and if he really cares he will message you

    • No because he doesn't see that i'm bothered. That I care. I've been hostile and never opened up... he chased me for months so it's up to me to chase him now

  • he is gently telling you that he is done with you
    U lost your chance, its best if you stopped chasing him now

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  • Just show this question to him and misunderstanding will disappear.

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    • How do you mean? It'll show I do care and think of him?

    • Yeah... lol you need to express your feelings. That's it.

What Girls Said 1

  • 1. I think he's trying to avoid you.
    2. If you guys do end up meeting, you should see how the date goes and take it from there.
    3. He could be, but I think he's just fed up with the whole situation at this point.
    4. Cut the crap.

    It seems like he's at the end of his rope with you so at this point you need to be completely honest with him. Tell him everything and why you acted the way you did. If he really likes you then maybe he'll try to understand. Just be honest with him. And apologize because it's not really cool to play with people's feelings.

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