Should I let him pay? Or should I try to pay too and will he get offended or pleased? Guys, what do you prefer?

He asked me to go see a movie with him. WHat should I do if he tries to pay for the tickets? SHould I offer too? And what if he wants to buy drinks too? What then? I feel guilty letting him pay!! Any idea waht I should do? Adice on anything? Is it bad to offer with intent or good?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Always offer to pay for your own stuff. It will give him clues that you are a person who doesn't want to make him/her self a bother to the person she is with. Both endings like Him insisting or allowing you to pay are good signs :)

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What Guys Said 27

  • Never expect or ask him to pay. You don't have to offer, but it's the courteous thing to do.

    I always pay, but I had a woman tell me to pay for her once, and I was actually angered by it. I will gladly pay without her asking, but she expected it of me, and that made me angry. I did not see her again.

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    • That is incredibly rude of her... I can't even fathom someone EXPECTING someone to pay!

  • If he asks you to pay for both of you, leave.

    If he offers to pay, tell him you can both split it. If he insists, let him pay. He invited you, it's usual for the person inviting to pay. And later if you invite him to something else, you can pay for him.

    Don't feel guilty. But don't feel you owe him anything either. Because you don't.

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  • If you are not sure whether you like him or not, please do pay your share. Insist strongly on it. If he asks, just say that you don't feel good owing people money, and you don't enjoy receiving treats (or giving it either, because no budget).

    It lessens any emotional guilt or biasness that may occur, you feel less indebted to him, and he feels less indignant, should it not work out.

    But if you do like him, the choice is up to you. He will feel satisfied if he gets to pay, but no, he wouldn't be pleased. He might be confused if you insist on paying, and depending on your tone and your truthfulness/reason, he may or may not get offended or disappointed.

    Generally I always want to pay for her, but if she insists on paying her share it's okay too. I'll just find other things to treat her.

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    • I meant that if he gets to pay he'd just feel satisfaction but no, he wouldn't experience the feeling of pleased.

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    • So, if I let this guy pay for me, does that give him clue that I like him?

    • Yeps! It's a pretty small clue, but a clue nonetheless.

  • The first few dates, when he asks you out, he should pay for everything, but you are NOT OBLIGATED to do ANYTHING!!!
    When you are a 'couple', and 'serious', it's nice if she makes a special date, and arranges everything, and pays for it. Equality, right?
    I kind of like it when she suggests a certain place, that she wants to try, and invites me, and since she is 'inviting' she pays. . .

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    • The problem with this is that even today most of the time it is the guy asking out the girl, so under your system, the guy still ends up being the one who pays more. I'd like to see a society where it is equally likely to have either pay, though I don't know if we'll ever get to that.

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    • But women can also marry men who make more than them whereas men are far less likely to be able to marry women who make more than them, even if they can find one. In married couples, the husband and wife both have access to all of the household money, so if you look at married heterosexual marriages, there is no gender gap in household finances because they both have all the household money by default. So I don't think women are as bad off financially as people think.

    • Hibernia86, I like your idealistic ideas, and maybe three, or four generations, in the future, it is, truly EQUAL. I LOVE when women ask me out, but it is REALLY RARE, and most, even some of the most 'Equality-minded' ones, still have some subconscious 'stigma', that inhibits them. They want to, the feel like they can, but still wait for the guy. No judgements, nothing 'bad' just an observation from experience.
      It takes a while for a woman I date/like/companion to feel comfortable enough to invite me, and initiate anything. Not saying it is 'bad' or 'wrong', but in my experience, a lot of women like being a little 'submissive' and letting the guy take all the risks, asking them out, choosing a place, etc.
      I'm OK with that, because I know that, but I wouldn't mind if she was a little more 'assertive' sometimes. I think I would like that more!

  • Haha, the guy paying for everything is old-fashioned. I'm happy to pay, but I appreciate it when she makes the offer and/or pays. It shows she wants to contribute, capable of contributing, and if it makes her feel good--well, why would I want her to not feel good, lol.

    If you feel guilty not offering, then go ahead and offer. Your feelings, whatever they are, are valid. If he's a cool dude who gets that he doesn't have to be old-fashioned, then he'll make the whole thing painless for you.

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  • I love when a woman pays or when we split the bill. Or I buy the girl a round or a meal and she gets the next one. Dating is expensive.

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  • "Offer"to pay but don't actually fully commit to it. Be like let me pay for the drink! He'll retaliate with 'nono I got it" and just let him pay for it. The sole act that you offered will make him remember you :)

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  • An easier way, without the "assumptive" method of pulling out your card... when it's time for the check after that's requested you ask "Are we splitting this?" This also means you're willing to accept the answer if he declines to let you pay. such a question doesn't leave him thinking you thought he wouldn't or can't, as well as it's less force than trying to stop you when you pull your card out. Because that could imply you're trying to say I don't WANT you paying for my food. It's a great question and at times awkward moment.

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  • both should pay their own basically

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  • Offer to pay, then he will make the decision whether he will pay for yours or you will pay your own, or if he pays like a half of yours or something.

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  • Offer to pay. That way he won't be put through the uncomfortability of not knowing whether to pay or not; he'll either let you pay, or interject that he'll pay.

    At any rate, don't feel guilty if he pays. If it's his choice to do so, he's probably okay with it.

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  • Get your card out and say you can pay if he says alright then you pay if he say i will then let him. NEVER just assume he will pay for you that is the most annoying thing ever and is a good way to make the guy not want to take you places where things need to be paid for.

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  • If he's any decency he will pay for everything or at least he should, I also think you should offer to pay but expect to be like "no it's fine put your money away" this way both are happy he knows you're nice enough to offer rather than take it for granted that he will pay and you're happy because he is looking after you

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  • I think that on a first date it is fine to let the person who asked you out pay. Later on in the relationship, you should both contribute. I'd like to see a world where girls and guys were equally likely to ask each other out since it seems unfair that guys are always the ones expected to ask the girl out and thus be the ones expected to pay. However if him paying for you both is only for the first date or a few dates and is split after that, then it isn't as much of a problem (though I would still like to see it change)

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    • Hahah I wasn't planning on leeching off of him XD

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    • Ya. I feel awkward making him pay... I would happily pay for everything, but I get the feeling he wouldn't let that happen.

    • Yeah, society teaches a guy to feel bad about himself if the girl spends more money on him that he spends on her, at least when it comes to the first date or over the long term of the relationship, which can screw us over.

  • Offer to pay or at least try pay for either the tickets and let him get the drinks etc, the fact your offering if a good thing he will appreciate it even if he doesn't take you up on the offer.

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  • You could get there early and buy your ticket. If you're going there together and he just goes up and tried to buy them, offer to buy both- if he lets you, leave- then when he refuses say ok I'll buy mine and you buy yours.

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    • If he lets her buy both tickets then she should leave? Why is she offering to buy both of them then, just to "test" him? I think that is an asshole move. You would never tell a guy to do that, why are you telling her?

    • You know what @Hibernia86 ? You've got a good point. All right @Asker , ignore my dumbass idea.

  • no always try to pay.. he will probably ask you not to pay and say it's not right or whatever and that he will be the one to pay... but if you just don't pay I mean not even asking... that's the one offending.. I feel like the girl sees me stupid when she does that (not even asking to pay for her stuff) ... and I probably insist that she will actually pay for herself and I act that's normal so she starts behaving herself right :))

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  • If it's a date, let him pay, he should expect to pay. If it's not a date, then both of you should split it

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    • Why should he expect to pay? She should be able to contribute as well. I get that girls often like a guy who pays, but at the same time it seems kind of sexist for the guy to always be the one society expects to pay more.

    • Guys get the better jobs. It's true it's a sexist society. I've seen idiots making money while smart women haven't.

  • Make sure that you both pay. He would love to split a check.

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  • If it's like your guys' first official date offer to but he will most likely tell you no

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    • How will I know if it is or not?

  • guys who don't let you pay aren't good

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  • share once you and sometime allow him .

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  • I'm really not sure what most guys think about this. Personally I think girls should pay for themselves on dates, as men and women are equals in my view, and women have their own incomes these days.

    Some guys will want to pay, and might be offended, but probably not too bothered if you offer to pay. Would you be bothered if he let you pay or didn't offer to pay for you?

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    • I kind of see both point of views on this. But if a guy never pays for me I start feeling like he's selfish & therefore start to lose any attraction to him. Selfishness is a huge turn off to me. But I do think both should take turns paying. I always offer & see what happens.

  • Yes offer to pay.

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  • You just have to offer, just show that your wiling to pay AND I'm sure its all going to be smooth sailing from there

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  • Just say next time is my treat cause he might get annoyed if you try paying for yourself
    Or he can buy the tickets and you can get the snacks as long as he knows ahead of time then it should be cool

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  • if he pays your ticket, just pay for popcorn and drinks after...

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What Girls Said 47

  • Take out your money when it comes time to pay, and if he sees you pull out money, he'll say something to let you know that he'll pay. You don't have to feel guilty, just thank him and let him know that you really are grateful for him buying your ticket. Go in there expecting to pay yourself though, because this is 2014 and women can make their own money now lol but don't turn him down if he offers to pay, it's a manly thing for some guys.
    My boyfriend used to pay for me all the time when we first started dating, but eventually I thought it was getting ridiculous and expensive for him so I began paying my own. He thinks it looks bad when a guy doesn't pay though, so what we do now is I just hand in my money so it only looks like he's paying lmaoo

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  • Offer to pay. If he is a decent guy, he's not going to be bothered either way. He will just be happy to be spending time with you.

    If he pays for this date, offer to pay for the next date.

    Don't be fearful of making the wrong decision here. If he likes you, he's going to want to see you again regardless.

    I like it when I'm dating someone and we can split the dating expense. I like treating him and I like that he likes treating me. No one wants to feel used.

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  • OK. If he gets tickets you get snacks.

    Of he refuses, just ile and thank him. Be sure to make it plain that you had cash/ card in your hand. Thank him and pocket it with a promise of next time YOU pay.

    No one wants this kind of scene in public.

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    • What scene?

    • You handing him money, him not taking it... he will as likely be embarrassed by the whole thing. You need to offer and thank him gracefully if he denies or aim for a part that you pay for.

      Hmm lol there was more to the "scene" part of my opinion. Wonder what I deleted by accident? It sounded really abrupt but there was more to it :P

  • I don't date much, but when I do, I ALWAYS offer to pay all or half or leave a tip. I've gotten mixed reactions. One ex NEVER let me pay, the one time I did pay, he had me give him the money beforehand so it would look like he was paying. -_- another ex let me pay from time to time, which I appreciated because I was able to treat HIM. Another guy was totally put off by it, never even had a third date with him. And another guy thanked me for offering, but felt he should pay because he asked me out. It all depends on the guy, but I think for the most part they'll appreciate you offering. :)

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  • Never expect a guy to pay. If he pays, great. If not, always plan on paying for yourself.

    If he refuses or insists, say, "okay, but let me get the drinks/popcorn/snacks!" Or pay the next time.

    If he wants to do all the work this time, that's okay. But make sure it evens out the next time. Guys can't be expected to do everything! It also doesn't make me feel right inside, even if he does have good intentions.

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  • on my first date with my boyfriend he was running late which sucked because he left early but someone got hit by a train so ya that sucked (they lived though!) anyways we were going to a movie so I bought his ticket before he got there just to make sure he got one before it sold out then he paid for all the snacks when he got there. And we have kind of ended up alternating who pays for dates because it just works out best that way. He spoils me though if he sees me looking at something at the mall he will usually sneak back and buy it and I'm guilty of the same I don't know I mean sometimes girls like to spoil their guys too. I'd say you should offer if you want to maybe just paying for a part of it like the popcorn, if that offends him then he's got some growing up to do!

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  • My boyfriend always pays in advance so I literally CANNOT pay. He won't even let me pay him back or give him gas money. I think I've spent a total of £3 in his company over 4 months.
    Sometimes guys just like paying for your things because they like the feeling it gives them. Like they can take care of you.
    Offer to pay, but if he says he's got it, say "are you sure?" once, then just say thank you and leave it at that. Then if You go on another date, offer to pay and do the whole thing again. Its a dance, but it's one that's appreciated.

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  • You should offer but he might not accept. Always offer though out of politeness

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  • ONLY pay if he brings it up
    or
    you prefer something else from what he is offering
    IF you were invited by him with no such strings attached

    Expect to pay for those you invite out, unless you put strings on it

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  • Are you for sure that it's a date? Like have you two been talking and established what feelings you have/ what you are? If it's a date, let him pay. It's just what guys do. If you two continue dating, you can bring up later on that you'd like to pay your share. For now just accept it graciously and have fun!

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  • Eh I hate it when guys do that.. It's like "dude don't pay for me" if I see that happening I'll butt in and say "no no no I have to pay for something" I usually do half/half if he gets the tickets, I should get the food and drinks that come up to the same amount as the tickets combined.
    If he says no and pays for it.. Expect money hidden in his car lol

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  • Some guys insist on paying for the date. It would not hurt to offer, but do not push the issue if he turns down the offer, as he may get offended. I have old school values when it comes to dating. If he asks you out, he should pay. If you ask him out, you should pay unless he absolutely insists on paying. Most men like to take care of their women. Or at least all the men I have been out with have. Even some of my male friends insist on paying when we go out.

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  • I learned this from How I Met Your Mother: The girl should always offer to pay because if the guy can afford it & wants to be a gentleman, then he'll say he's paying. But it apparently makes them feel more manly paying when you offer. Something like that. In my opinion, guys & girls should take turns. It should never be all on one person.

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  • Go up to pay as normal, if he stops you say 'Are you sure?' he'll say yes and then let him pay. He wouldn't offer if he didn't want to. Guys feel pride by getting pay for things for you and rejection if they dont (unless your just friends). Its the same as with them buying drinks. It makes him feel like a gentleman which gives him self satisfaction.

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  • I would offer at least or to split it? I doubt he'd get offended it's more of a nice gesture I think. I think it would be worse to just assume he's going to cover everything.

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  • I kind of have the same problem. This guy I've been on a couple of dates with has paid both times. The first time we went to the movies, He kind of joked and was like "so you're paying right?" and I was like "well I can haha" but he said he got it. Then the next date I didn't even have a chance to offer to pay for dinner, he paid before I even got the chance.

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  • My opinion, if a guy asks you out he is most likely paying, but I'd bring my own money anyways just in case.

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  • If he says he'll pay offer to pay too and if he is persistent about paying say okay well then the drinks/food is on me

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  • Offer but if he says no then accept the kind offer he wouldn't do it if he didn't want to

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  • If he offers then say yes and maybe you could pay for something else like snacks. Still bring money with you though.

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  • First date? I will always offer and have enough money to give him cash. But if he accepts? I won't ever go on a second date. It's important to me that a guy doesn't nickel and dime me, because I tend to be very generous with my money.

    Second or later date? I prefer to go Dutch or alternate who picks up the tab.

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    • It is wrong to offer to do something just to "test" him. If you offer something, it shouldn't be something that will end the relationship. You say you don't want someone who would "nickel and dime" you, but you're assuming he will pay for you the first date. What assurance does he have that you aren't going to "nickel and dime" him?

    • Very wrong advice
      downvote from me

    • Because from experience, I've learned that when I do pay on a first date it leads to him nickel and diming me later on. It's not a position I wish to be in, when you go away after a few months and he turns to you after you've split the tab on say a weekend and says, "oh you owe me an extra $1.50."

      And it's a test to determine common values. Why would I waste time dating someone with whom I have different values? The number of guys who go, "oh I'll get this... I'll put it on my card. But if you want to give me $5.00, that's fine' is insulting. Especially when my coffee only cost $3.00.

  • Just say "no, I'll pay for it." If he considers it a date then for sure ifhe will pay. Just offer to pay every once in a while

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  • No, If were you I would let him pay and when you set up a second date buy advanced movie tickets and ask him to go with you so that way you two don't feel awkward about the situation..

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  • I actually had this conversation with my friend a few weeks ago. He said he would rather a girl offer to pay than expect him to be the one paying. He said he would pay either way but it bothers him if the girl doesn't at least offer

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  • I think it's better for both to pay for themselves. I am kind of against the ''the man has to pay for everything'' rule. it annoys me.

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  • Just bring cash... Guys like to pay! But if you insist ask him when you get there "do you want something to drink? I'll get it!

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    • What if he says something like, " No, its fine. I'll get it!" What then?

    • Then let him get it. Lol you don't have to pay. He asked you out!

    • Well, I'll admit that guys do sometimes like to pay, but no guy likes it if he feels the girl is expecting too much money from him. It does seem wrong to me, though, that how much you pay when dating depends on your gender. People should care about each other equally and that includes financially.

  • I've always heard that guys should pay to show respect in a way. If you pay that's great but remember, do it too often and he might take advantage if that

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  • Offer to split the bill... If he agrees to it, never see him again, that is such an impolite thing to do

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    • never mind. i see that you want to be a model, that explains the snobbery

    • Yeah I am a bit of a snob x

  • Are u kidding me? Don't be stupid and let these idiot guys give u bad advice. They're assholes and having a field day off u cuz they hate paying and will try to brainwash other women. He needs to pay for u. There's not much else. Don't pay and let him do it

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    • Never pay let a guy pay the first few times then offer. He will take advantage of you if you pay first. I agree that it should be equal but it isn't. Most guys are out to get something and it isn't always a relationship or anything good

    • Like I said to the young lady above, Women are more than capable of working and paying their own way in this world. You aren't entitled to anything from ANY man, or woman for that matter.
      If they offer, that's their choice, but they don't owe you sh*t.
      Times have changed.

  • Definitely offer to pay or to buy the snacks. Some men are fine splitting the bill and feel most comfortable that way. Some men feel emasculated if you get pushy and demand to pay for yourself.

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