When does my gut stop hurting?

My boyfriend of 13 months and I, are soulmates, both of us agree. I was married for 20 years to someone I married in highschool while pregnant, ashamed and lost... we NEVER loved each other. My boyfriend was married twice, one child, to both very sexy petite tartlet party girls. We are local celebrities, who grace every high profile party, have hundreds of likes on every picture we post, and loved by all. Since meeting him, I have taken on the burden of helping raise his rotten teenage daughter, completely painting the inside, and outside of his home, redecorating, (his ex was a SLOBBB) and been a fulltime, 'wife and mom'. Words cannot express, how hard I have worked on his home and daughter. He has always stated, he never wanted to remarry, so I said the same... as who wants to marry someone who doesn't want to marry you? But, deep inside, it would be nice to have a commitment, and the fairytale I never had. His house is being listed for sale today, now that all the work is done, and he is buying his parents house on lake, a MAJOR upgrade, but in need of major work, how appropriate. I have my own home, that I have neglected greatly, as I stay with him a majority of the time. At a fancy Christmas party recently, where we looked SMOKIN! :) he was bombarded w/ the question from the Mayor, city manager, and dozens of friends..."When are you gonna put a ring on her hand... she's a CATCH?' After avoiding the question countless times, and after a few drinks... he finally responded..."Why buy the cow when you got the milk for free?" I doubled over and gasped for air as I was just sucker punched in the gut. When I stood, he was devastated how it came out, and how it sounded.. ESPECIALLY after all I have done. My friends even gasped. I held my tears the whole way home, while he apologized over and over... but, 3 days later, it was like he just said it. I KNOW he loves me... but, at that point, I felt like a dropped 100 floors in an elevator. How do I get over this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • He was probably only joking, didn't understand the effect his macho joke would have on you.
    IMHO the solution is better communication between you.
    by the way, I'm happily married and we married only because her dad made such a nuisance of himself. After decades I can honestly say that if we hadn't married but just been living together our life would have been identical. Only our taxes and possible social entitlements would have been different.

    Here in Belgium -until 1963- female teachers were required by RC School authorities to quit teaching when they married.

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What Guys Said 4

  • WOW!! What a bomb to drop in someone's lap. I hope you don't get offended easily but in my opinion he is a douch bag and a scum bag combined. His lavish like seems to be just that... His life. I can't comprehend a hopeful partner feeling that way about me , as far as how you can get over this feeling in your gut ; hon only he can take that away by proving to you that he didn't mean what the alcohol shoved out of his mouth. Talk is cheap , actions speak volumns. If he can't show remorse move on with out him

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  • When you began your relationship with him, you both said you didn't want to remarry. His tacky indiscreet comment was really an expression of that understanding. No matter how cavalier his words, he did not mean you any disrespect.

    It sounds like your underlying situation has changed for you and his comment brought that realization to a head for both of you.

    I'd recommend you use this incident to redefine your relationship: Either he provides you with some indication of or path toward greater commitment (i. e. an engagement ring), or you must pull away from him. Sometimes guys need a little nudge in the right direction. And if they can't be nudged, it means they're not ready and that they may never be ready. If that happens, move on to someone who is ready to give you what you need to feel happy.

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  • Thanks to the alcohol and the need so show off, he said something wildly inappropriate and hurtful. It will take time for you to get over it. Start focusing on the positives of what he gives you in the relationship.

    It doesn't help that you're wanting something he doesn't want to give, and you're killing yourself trying to change his mind on it.

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  • They say people are most honest when drunk...

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What Girls Said 1

  • You need to put a priority on your happiness, he is not your match if you have such very different life goals. You can very well love and care about someone from a distance. If you remain I would only expect it to worsen, he's already publicly disrespected and humiliated you.
    I hope you choose the best path for your future.

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