Girls apparently find me attractive (I don't get it-but ok) I dress well, I can be charming, outgoing. Why do girls always seem to think I'm a player?

I'm not a player. Girls seem so worried and nervous when I talk to them. Its so annoying. What can I do to get past icebreaker conversation and show I'm a nice caring guy? I don't want to be a jerk. I'm not a player. But girls assume I am, and just put up defenses and instead of getting know me better, I end up alone every night. What can I do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Haha, a problem I used to run into. You come off so attractive that two things are happening: 1, they think you are out of their league, and that they have no real shot with you, so 2, they assume you must be a player, because why else would you be talking to them?

    You have to scale things back a bit. I am the best dressed man I know, period ;) But I've learned to scale it back. Always be the best dressed man--but not noticeably so. It should just add to your "aura." Don't blow people away--subtly edge them out.

    If you look like a KING in a blazer--don't wear a blazer. If she's in jeans and a tank-top, and you come up to her wearing a bespoke navy blazer with gray flannel trousers and handmade Italian monk straps--you are blowing her out. She won't believe you would take her seriously. So on the street, wear dark jeans, a button-up with a sweater, or maybe a leather jacket--but keep the monk straps, lol. Dress at a similar level to her.

    As for charming and outgoing, you can scale those back too. But based on your description, I don't think you need to--different problem. You mentioned you're having trouble getting past ice breakers. The problem here is that she is feeling distant from you--you aren't someone she can relate to, and/or as someone who would appreciate her for *her* (not saying you aren't trying, just that it's likely her perception).

    Here, you have to play detective and find out what makes her tick. If you can find out what a girl values in herself or about the world, and then talk about and relate on those things, she'll open up to you (sounds easy, haha, right?). When you're in conversation, get the vibe of the place: high energy, low energy? Act accordingly. High with high, low with low. When opening, give a compliment--but it must be something unique to her, and you must be genuine. EG, she has great style. Pick out that it's her great scarf that ties the color of her outfit together, compliment that.

    Best of luck ;)

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    • LMAO there are plenty of things i can say. but im just going to say "make it easier on them man" lol

      you'd be surprised at the amount of girls who have this mindset "there is no one way he would talk to me, he is out of my league, he is probably stuck up or hard to talk to" so show them differently next time act like just another humble guy when it comes to your looks man. it works and makes the women feel comfortable around you. while gaining the mind set of "hey maybe i have a chance let see where this leads" they aren't nervous im guessing but intimidated AT YOUR LOOKS

      tired of getting looks and stares JUST GO STAND NEAR THEM while acting like you're doing something LOL most girls will try to make small talk. try to let that turn into big talk

      sounds like you said everything i said but better LOL just like @Bandit74

    • Thanks for the insight. I actually already dress down a little. I have a shitty haircut so I'm not too 'perfect', I now wear shitty shoes etc . i get the whole too perfect thing and deny my love of style so I don't come off as too intimidating. Doesn't seem to be working.

    • Haha, well dress down a little bit, but I would still make sure to look good if I were you--especially in the shoes department. You don't want to look like a king--but you don't want to look homeless. You want to look down-to-earth, but with an air of sophistication.

      I think the conversational advice is what you most need to look into--it's the hardest thing to fix, but it is totally achievable and yields the greatest rewards. Social skills--lock them down tight. As a good looking guy, you want to come off as friendly, humble, sophisticated, and genuinely interested in her. Humor helps quite a bit, just don't be a clown ;)

What Girls Said 3

  • do you move from one girl to the next at a social event if you get nowhere with the girl? if so other girls will have seen you making your way through every girl at the party and thats where the player things coming from

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    • I've given up on 'hitting on girls' and just be nice and friendly. But girls seem so nervous and distant. I never go from one girl to the next because just to get a girl to hang around is almost impossible. I just try and be friendly in a respectful way. Such a lonely life.

  • It's because you're attractive and confident, and you maybe well remind those girls of guys they use to have a crush on or an ex-boyfriend who was a jerk. Instead of putting you're defences up, maybe try and come across as more caring. Basically, show them who you really are from the moment you meet them, and hopefully they will see that you're a nice guy :)

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    • I am always me, and always honest about who I am. I find it difficult to show this because I find girls are great at talking about themselves but rarely ask about me. (seem too nervous) I'm not a player. Tired of being treated like one. How do I get past this?

    • hmm sounds like a complicated situations so I can understand your frustration. Does this account for EVERY single girl you've ever talked to? Because maybe the issue is that you need to talk to different kinds of girls, like ones who don't talk about themselves as much and are willing to get to know you on a more personal level, be insightful, and ask you questions.

    • I have no preferences anymore. I try and show everybody I'm a good guy and and am interested in anybody at this point.

  • I guess you have to be patience to prove yourself. people do judge us on daily basis. like attractive girls, guys would feel they are mean girls.

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    • What can a guy do to show he is a good person with value who isn't a player or a jerk?
      Tired of being alone.

    • be sincere and move them with ur sincerity. the way you talk and carry yourself does play a part as well.

What Guys Said 3

  • lmao comes with the territory of looking good im sure.. it ain't no secret that girls get jealous and insecure when they see a lot of females on the guy that they like.

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    • I find girls are so nervous that I don't get much more then looks or stares. I'm sick of it.

    • LMAO there are plenty of things i can say. but im just going to say "make it easier on them man" lol

      you'd be surprised at the amount of girls who have this mindset "there is no one way he would talk to me, he is out of my league, he is probably stuck up or hard to talk to" so show them differently next time act like just another humble guy when it comes to your looks man. it works and makes the women feel comfortable around you. while gaining the mind set of "hey maybe i have a chance let see where this leads" they aren't nervous im guessing but intimidated AT YOUR LOOKS

      tired of getting looks and stares JUST GO STAND NEAR THEM while acting like you're doing something LOL most girls will try to make small talk. try to let that turn into big talk

  • You got something other guys don't usually have, I get the same name as a player. Dress well, outgoing, and social then people wonder if your to good to be true, and how you got to be who you are. Also, do you hang around with a lot of girls

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  • Your probably realy good looking and assume girls are always after you

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    • No I don't assume anything. Girls are not after me. I'm told I'm good looking ( I don't know or care). I'm nice and engaging but I have all but given up on the whole girls thing. I just be nice and interesting, but girls think I'm some sort of player, and are too nervous to hang around. What can I do? Tired of being alone.

    • I meant to say girls assume other girls are always after you. Nothing you can really do. Just keep doing what you are doing and there should be girls who are truly interested

    • Well I hope one day your right. I have things to offer and am tired of being the lone wolf.

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