I'm not a player. Girls seem so worried and nervous when I talk to them. Its so annoying. What can I do to get past icebreaker conversation and show I'm a nice caring guy? I don't want to be a jerk. I'm not a player. But girls assume I am, and just put up defenses and instead of getting know me better, I end up alone every night. What can I do?
Most Helpful Guy
Haha, a problem I used to run into. You come off so attractive that two things are happening: 1, they think you are out of their league, and that they have no real shot with you, so 2, they assume you must be a player, because why else would you be talking to them?
You have to scale things back a bit. I am the best dressed man I know, period ;) But I've learned to scale it back. Always be the best dressed man--but not noticeably so. It should just add to your "aura." Don't blow people away--subtly edge them out.
If you look like a KING in a blazer--don't wear a blazer. If she's in jeans and a tank-top, and you come up to her wearing a bespoke navy blazer with gray flannel trousers and handmade Italian monk straps--you are blowing her out. She won't believe you would take her seriously. So on the street, wear dark jeans, a button-up with a sweater, or maybe a leather jacket--but keep the monk straps, lol. Dress at a similar level to her.
As for charming and outgoing, you can scale those back too. But based on your description, I don't think you need to--different problem. You mentioned you're having trouble getting past ice breakers. The problem here is that she is feeling distant from you--you aren't someone she can relate to, and/or as someone who would appreciate her for *her* (not saying you aren't trying, just that it's likely her perception).
Here, you have to play detective and find out what makes her tick. If you can find out what a girl values in herself or about the world, and then talk about and relate on those things, she'll open up to you (sounds easy, haha, right?). When you're in conversation, get the vibe of the place: high energy, low energy? Act accordingly. High with high, low with low. When opening, give a compliment--but it must be something unique to her, and you must be genuine. EG, she has great style. Pick out that it's her great scarf that ties the color of her outfit together, compliment that.
Best of luck ;)1