So here is a little background story; I'm 23, I've been single for the past year and a half. My most recent relationship was awful. It ended in September 2013, we were together for 2 years. I went through a lot, it was my first serious relationship and he was my first love. Everything ended really badly and I was hurting through the entire time we were together and for quite a while after we broke up. But I can confidently say that I have recovered and I'm older and wiser and definitely learned from my mistakes and in a pretty good place and know what I want now.
But the problem is I have gotten EXTREMELY picky since my last relationship ended and the reason is because before dating my ex I wasn't picky AT ALL!!! I was very open to getting to know someone and I mean my guards were completely down but I am very guarded now. I want a good relationship but I CANNOT stop nitpicking and pointing out flaws. Or another thing I do is kind of picture my future with whomever I'm talking to or maybe someone who has shown interest in me, and when I picture it I always picture the worst, in my head I'm like "oh he'll just cheat on me" or "his family will probably hate me" or "he will be one of those guys who will want too much time of his own or with his friends and won't take me anywhere with him" or "he will never make me feel special, he just wants a pretty girl on his arms" I'm just SO negative!!! As much as I want it I create these thoughts to prevent it from happening because the through of EVER being hurt the way I was again is... terrorizing. I never want to be that weak and vulnerable again. I want a relationship that's going to last I'm so sick and tired of humiliation and feeling down on myself. I have tried dating and it never gets too far because I am so afraid and I know I have to let my guards down but it's absolutely impossible after everything I went though WHY ON EARTH would I ever put myself in a situation like that again?
Most Helpful Guy
There are many issues here. First the dating and mating game is tough. Risk and vulnerability are unavoidable. Second, we are humans and we ALL have flaws. You can be picky, right up to the point where you are getting ridiculous about it. Third, you may want to talk to a therapist. it seems like you really got hurt and it is affecting your judgment about the opposite sex.0