How to handle my mother in regards to being in my relationship with my bf?

My mother insists on meeting my bf of five months. We have only been exclusive for two now and our relationship moves slow because we don't get to see each other that often. I see him maybe once a week.

In my mothers opinion, I live under her roof, therefore I am under her authority... more so, I am under the authority of God and if I can not introduce him to her then it is because I know we are not evenly yolked. Then continues that I am not able to date him if she doesn't meet him. Tells me to grow up when explain that we are taking things slow because he is different from last relationships and I am still getting to know him. To which she responds that if I don't know him then I should be boyfriend/girlfriend with him...

I don't get it, you never fully know a person because there is so much to learn and observe about another. If you learned everything about them in the first month or two then there is no excitement of learning and growing together.

Regardless, I don't know how to handle her. I was planning on introducing them when he came home in January but she makes is so unpleasant to even look forward to. The threats and authority she feels to have over me. It's been a problem since I was younger, she would instill fear in me with threats that she will shun me if I do something that she doesn't approve, i. e. a relationship.

I am 23 and live at home. I moved out at 16 and back home at 21 because I needed to get back on my feet. I am in the process of saving money to move out again within the next year but I am making decisions about school first that will impact where I move to...
One last tid bit. I feel like the negativity my mother builds up is going to make is so she prejudges my bf without getting to know him. The fact that he served the same regiment her ex husband did also gives her preconceived thoughts about him as well.

If you stuck with me through this explanation of the situation please advice me on what to do?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Honor her wishes

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    • That doesn't really resolve the way she feels as an authority over my relationship. If that makes sense. Her preconceived ideas about a man whom she has never met based on the fact her served up close in personal in the service to judge and say he has mental illnesses like her ex husband who served the same regiment in a different war... To determine whether or not we are evenly yolked or if he is the man God chose for me to be with... I feel as though he is walking into a situation just to be judged and I hate that. Meeting someone for the first time should be a exciting and some what nerve-wracking time but all in all it should be respectable. For her to purpose questions about the God and his beliefs isn't proper... That right there will be the end of the relationship in my mothers eyes because I know that after seeing so much in the war that he doesn't 'know where Gods presence is and has mixed feelings... Right there. That deems him as not a man of God in my mothers eyes.

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    • You can't control your mom's behavior. You can only control your reaction to it.

    • Touche'.

      I look forward to moving out soon.

      Thanks for you thoughts.

What Guys Said 1

  • Do as she asks.

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    • That doesn't really resolve the way she feels as an authority over my relationship. If that makes sense. Her preconceived ideas about a man whom she has never met based on the fact her served up close in personal in the service to judge and say he has mental illnesses like her ex husband who served the same regiment in a different war... To determine whether or not we are evenly yolked or if he is the man God chose for me to be with... I feel as though he is walking into a situation just to be judged and I hate that. Meeting someone for the first time should be a exciting and some what nerve-wracking time but all in all it should be respectable. For her to purpose questions about the God and his beliefs isn't proper... That right there will be the end of the relationship in my mothers eyes because I know that after seeing so much in the war that he doesn't 'know where Gods presence is and has mixed feelings... Right there. That deems him as not a man of God in my mothers eyes.

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    • It's what parents do. Every single one does on some subject.

    • Well that saying "you turn into your mother"... I pray to God that never happens to the extreme that is my mother... I would never laugh at my child and tell them they are acting childish for wanting to take their relationship slow and learn more about a person.

      To each their own I guess.

What Girls Said 1

  • You are an adult. Save up and move out

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