Was I doing the right thing?

My GF just broke up with me little more than a week ago because she claimed I had controlling issues. She is into the getting high and drunk type of stuff, bit of a party girl, and I didn't like that. I have never liked people that do that stuff and she knew it. We were just about to hit 3 months in 9 days and she called it off and totally broke away from me because I tried to get her out of that life. Made her parents hate me too and everything. It really hit me hard that she left and I didn't know if I should feel bad for trying that or if I was actually the good guy for it. I mean cmon, it was a reasonable kind of control wasn't it?


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Most Helpful Girl

  • I think you were doing the right thing. I also believe you'll find a better, more suitable girl for you.

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What Girls Said 3

  • It sounds like you got into a relationship with a girl, knowing that she was a "party girl", and then tried to "save her from herself".

    I know that you had good intentions, but when you get into a relationship with someone and then try to change them, of course they're going to see you as controlling, nagging, etc.

    If you have a problem with people getting high, drunk, and partying, then you shouldn't get into a relationship with someone who does those things.

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    • No see I didn't know she was like that in the beginning. I was told she was by others but I never believed them, I just slowly found out for myself

  • I don't think it's ok to try to change someone into what you think they should be. You may have had good intentions, but ultimately, you have no right to control her because you dislike her lifestyle.

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    • Well I admired every other thing about her aside from the smoking and drinking. She does well in school, she is very pretty, just everything else about her was perfect to me

    • That's fine, but part of love is accepting/embracing their short comings, as well. You should love who they are, not who you want them to be.

  • that lifestyle is stupid and self destructive, but whether you were controlling depends on how you approached trying to get her out of that lifestyle

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    • Well I ended up telling her mom she should let me be with her when she goes out to be with friends so I could watch and be sure she didn't do anything she shouldn't. Her parents supposedly did not like her doing these things any more than I did, however, I was half joking about the watching her... just didn't say that unfortunately

What Guys Said 1

  • Meh, here's the thing...

    When I was in high school, I was vehemently anti-pot, anti-alcohol, anti-drugs basically... and I would chastise my friends and give them all this shit about doing that stuff. Fast forward to freshman year of college, I tried pot and started drinking. My opinion on marijuana shifted to the polar opposite end of the spectrum, I enjoy alcohol but I can still see the destructiveness of people who get really drunk. Now whenever I come across people that were like my old self, I realize how annoying that is to the other person. Now both pot and alcohol can be bad if not moderated and abused, but I feel like it's harder for someone like you to really make that assessment. Is she drinking every night? All day and all night? Binge drinking? Or is she just a party girl in college, maybe she doesn't actually drink that much? Does she get high all day everyday, or just from time to time? Your opinion matters too, don't get me wrong, if it's too much, maybe it's better to go separate ways... but also consider own judgement, because you might be a little draconian about it.

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    • She is only a sophmore in high school. That is one of the main things that worried me from the start. Her mom had told me a couple times how she has been doing this stuff for a long time and they have been trying to keep a leash on her for it these recent years. She was pretty convincing about her trying to stop it as well, but now I am seeing it a little different and believing they dont give half a damn like they claim

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