He wants me to trust him, but it's hard?

I have been seeing an ex casually. We dated several times over the years and just reconnected after 4 years of no contact. He was a not good person when we were together. Mean, somewhat controlling, occasionally abusive, a liar, and a theif. He has however changed.
I don't think it's just an act that he has kept up for 4 months. He wants me to trust him, but it's hard considering our history. He understands and is willing to wait for me to. I feel bad that he really wants me to completely accept the person he is now, but a small part of me keeps waiting for him to screw me over. Any ideas on how to get past this?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • to be honest with you, if you really want this relationship with him.
    it will take time for you to build those feelings of trust and that back up, there is no real tips or tricks to it... just take things as they are.
    but on a personal level... you notice him start to go back to his old self in any way shape or form... leave him.

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    • Well of course. But he seems rather genuine and pretty remorseful for his past behavior. Amazing what happens when people decide to grow up.

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    • i can laugh at it because i didn't let it beat me.
      once again, you understand absolutely nothing about this, thus making assumptions is not wise :3

      but ok, let's break down what you claim just because i see it good to educate people :3

      no
      if you have no outlet, you turn on yourself, it can develop into a multitude of different problems and troubles later on in life, if you let it.
      however, it does not make you go "well im gonna abuse people because that is normality for me" that is a false statement created by said people as an excuse to mask the fact they just ain't nice people, plain and simple :3

      i have absolutely 0 respect for people who use their past as a "get out of jail free card"
      because simply put... it dont work lol

    • i'll agree with you, it DOES take a big man to admit fault and right their wrongs.
      but as stated, in my opinion people don't change from who they truly are, and revert back in a flash.

What Guys Said 1

  • Nope. You don't get past these things. You keep facing them dead on; the challenge of faith in others is not circumvented with cheesy advice from strangers.

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    • Nor is it circumvented with cheesy shitty non-advice from strangers, people come here because they want advice, they want other peoples opinions, all of your answers you have been posting are uncaring, self-righteous know-it-all.. I think you need to submit a question asking others about your issues you seem to have.

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    • Hey you could just want free Netflix or Amazon cards.

    • That's a good point. I must be stockpiling. I'm going to buy a boat at the end of the year.

What Girls Said 1

  • I know what you're feeling. When my bf cheated on me it took months and months before I could trust him that he'd never do it again. He hasn't, but I took the risk because I knew it would be worth it. The fact is once in awhile people are going to screw you over. It's life. Horrible, but it's true. I believe people can change- they grow up and learn.

    What you need to ask yourself is "is it worth it?" Is the risk worth what the reward could be? You need to think long and hard about it and decide. Sometimes there's no logic to love but it is a good place to start.

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    • Honestly I didn't plan on giving him a chance. But he seemed so shy and awkward (and unlike himself) that I couldn't say no. Now I have this gentleman that asks me if he can call me, text me, see me, and such. I mean now that it has been a few months some of the asking has calmed down, but he still opens doors and such. And like all men sometimes he can be an ass but for the most part a completely different person than he was.

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