Shy guys are at a disadvantage?

shy guys tend to take more time to open up to people. this seems to be a serious disadvantage when it comes to dating. any advice on how to overcome this issue?


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Most Helpful Guy

  • Exposure breeds comfort.

    If you never pick up your balls and just throw yourself into a situation, you'll keep on having a fear of it from the outside. Approaching a girl, talking to her, saying something stupid or awkward, long pauses or silences, etc... none of that is going to kill you. It will feel uncomfortable, but your ancestors had to run out into a field and beat an animal on the head with a stick in order to eat. The least you have to do is go up and talk to a girl.

    I ride motorcycles. The reason I tell you that is because it's a great example of an area where you DON'T want to jump in the deep end. You want to take it slow and steady, learn consistently, and err on the side of caution. Because if you don't, they may have to pull your body out of a ditch somewhere because you made one mistake that came back to bite you.

    But talking to girls? Dude, fucking jump into the deep end of that shit. And not just girls, ANYONE. If you see a person while you're out and there's something about them (clothes, familiar face, something you have in common), strike up a conversation with them. If you become one of those dudes that turns talking to girls into some kind of game or art, you'll end up killing yourself from frustration and failure. Conversations and asking people questions isn't a contest, as far as I know. Just keep doing it to figure out your own 'style' of talking and behavior, to familiarize yourself with it, to learn how to interact with people, to learn how far you can take things and in what directions, and so on.

    Seriously, it's a skill that can be developed like any other skill. I used to be shy as well, but now I'm a comfortable introvert- I don't prefer being a social butterfly, but I can talk to whoever without losing my shit. Girls are just girls, and are probably just as afraid of you as you are of them (right now).

    So yeah, challenge yourself to talk to as many people as you can to realize it's not a big deal.

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    • one problem is that on a single date it is hard for the shy guy to reveal what he is all about - the traits or personalities that only people who are close to him will know and appreciate. yet in this day and age shy guys have to convince the girl he is interesting enough for the second date.

    • Your first issue is thinking that you have to tell your life story to a girl on the first date. Just having normal conversation and asking questions is enough to start getting an idea about the person. But the whole "take her out to dinner and a movie" thing is sort of outdated anyway. Too much pressure to perform when there are better (and easier) ways of getting to know a person.

      Your second issue is not addressing your shyness before trying to go through all this. Being shy implies anxiety, fear, awkwardness, discomfort, and a lack of confidence. It IS a bad thing, and it's NOT a personality trait that is permanent or one you need to embrace for life. Fix it, before moving on to bigger issues.

What Girls Said 1

  • Well i know my friend when he is friends with girls even hot girls on a date he will be friendly and kind... but his girlfriend.
    He will, HE WILL ignore them. He will ignore his girlfriend. Because he is so shy to even have a simple conversation with her. He will straight up ignore her because he is so SO SO SO shy. it is cute but also not at the same time

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What Guys Said 1

  • You've just got to be willing to step out of your comfort zone. I'm not saying being shy isn't a disadvantage because it definitely is, but if you are willing to put the work in, you can overcome that.

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