How does one turn off the care switch?

I am tired of caring for this woman I subject myself to a toxic relationship with time and time again!


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Most Helpful Girl

  • If you feel the relationship is toxic then break it off with her.

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What Girls Said 27

  • Caring for people isn't a bad thing, but it's important that you care for yourself too. You have to care about what's healthy for YOU, what makes YOU happy, and be able to put yourself first if you find yourself in a relationship that is unhealthy for you and making you unhappy.

    It sounds like you have an on-and-off-again relationship with one particular woman. At some point, you have to realize that it is an unstable relationship and it's not going to magically become a healthy relationship. End the relationship, go no-contact, and focus on yourself for awhile before getting into a new relationship.

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    • It's just there is a lot of history, and the whole devotion thing, I don't give up just because time are tough, and things aren't going our way. but I guess I need to learn when to scuttle the ship.

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    • I don't think I will ever get easier, it's just strange and I know I am probably is some sort of denial.

    • Not the fact I want to but I have to.

  • YES!!! I'm so there with you. I find that those you care for genuinely care nothing for you and move on effortlessly. They seem to go for people that later dog them or cause them stress that they once said you gave them. I have also found that the people like that in my life always return to me a few months to a few years later saying they should have stuck with me. I was genuine and they just weren't ready and were immature at that time. But by then I am over them. I find relief in knowing that every action has a consequence and they will have to answer for their actions at some point.

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  • When you figure this out let me know. Man you could market this! But I think it would actually work better in the reverse. I'm happy to be a caring person but I hate that it's taken advantage of by those who don't care. So maybe inventing a way to help those who don't care to care. There'd be a lot less broken hearts.

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  • i don't think it's really as easy as simply choosing not to care anymore. it doesn't all go away at once. it takes time truly get over someone, and it's a process you can't really speed up or force, try as you might.
    what i've found that works for me is just to keep busy, so that i don't have time to think back on that relationship; i've gotta be focused on the present, whether it be work, volunteering, or being with friends. i try to keep my mind off of that person, not letting myself think of them at all. eventually, they'll fade until thinking of them doesn't hurt anymore.

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  • Most people take a very bad pet that causes daily grief on a ride, then dump them at a nice house
    then
    shop for a better pet that washes all those bad memories away

    SUBSTITUTION is key

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  • You can continue to care about her... from a distance! You need to do this for you. Picture moving on in your mind, write down what you might say when you break things off in order to set things right, and then pick a date to have the conversation. It's a bit like making a dentist appointment; we dread it, fret over it, procrastinate. Then when it's all over and done with, we walk away feeling a bit better and wondering why the h*ll we waited so long.

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  • Notch up the care switch for yourself, keep it forever on. And without being arrogant love yourself enough to know that you deserve a happy healthy life free from emotional stress and trauma.

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  • Take anti-depres. they help you feel nothing.

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    • aka happy pills. . . . "feel nothing" there's a reason they're called happy pills

    • I I mean Im depress and that that works for me. Its kinda of like when you have a stomach ache and take medicine to stop feel pain. Love is an evil virus that suck the life out of you so medicine balance you out. I suggest you go see a doctor thou. so he can recommend a therapist and medication.

  • I know this is going I suck to hear, but you can't turn off your emotions. Love is a never ending, undying, torturous, merciless thing but it is worth the struggle. You can't turn it off but you can wait it out. She may not love you in return ever, but by waiting you open up new opportunities for different girls! The world is full of fish, but sometimes the best fishing is done by leavening the pole alone and waiting patiently. I hope that helps at least minorly.

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  • Just stop caring for her. There will never be a "good" time to let yourself free of this unhealthy relationship. If you truly want to be happy and stop caring for her then do NOT wait for the "right" moment because it will never come. Hoped I help at least a little bit :)

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  • Let me know when you figure it out.

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  • Well I don't know how it is. He is but turning the feeling switch on and off is pretty easy. it takes commitment and dedication and determination. Try focusing on all of her terrible qualities write them down. if that doesn't help then you're just too nice. Nothing good can come out of this toxic relationship except for more vile venom.

    But then again this is just my advice you don't have to take it. Xoxo -Sammy

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  • If only we could. The only way to turn off one emotion is to turn off all of them. And I can tell you from experience that you won't be able to do that for very long.

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  • I think that you should ask yourself do I love her that much to stay? If the answer is easy then you should find away to change this toxic relationship for the better. If it's hard to answer this question, then you should walk away, because somewhere your love for her got lost. At that point care button would be irrelevant. Remember relationships should be all or nothing, and there can't be only one of you fighting, and the other one constantly steeping on a open wound.

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  • Oh, I wish I knew.

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  • There comes a time when you just need to jump ship. separate yourself from her completely, cut her out.

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  • How long have you two been together?

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    • On and off 6 years.

    • Holy that's a hard one! Usually when one stays with one for a long period of time it's really hard to escape from it. Cause your just really use to that person being in your life even though you know how bad it is. Does she feel the same?

    • No, She is emotionally detached, I am prolonging the inevitable i am happy with myself, I am just unhappy with her, she is unstable and is bringing me down with her. It is only easier said than done.

  • Try going out with other women and think about something else.

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  • U can't but u can move on just release u deserve better and unless she wants to change there ain't shit u can do about it

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  • Basically what I did was just simply forgot about feelings, it's much more fun - sec with no feelings, find someone else to distract yourself

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  • Have a talk with her and talk of a way that she can care for herself sometimes that way you can care for yourself

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  • Just pretend like you don't

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  • How is it toxic? Explain

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  • If you want an honest answer to this question, the answer is time.

    In time, you won't care.

    Because in time, we stop caring about most people.

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  • If you, re subjecting yourself to toxic relationships that would be your choice. Easy solution, stop dating women who treat you poorly.

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  • You're self worth and happiness depend on you cutting this person from your life. Realize she is not the person for you and move on. It won't get better.

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  • easy walk away and don't look back even if she does the crying shit women can be deceptive I know I am one

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What Guys Said 33

  • Hey,

    A relationship is a two way exchange. Self sacrifice in the name of love is admirable, but this is not love and you are being stepped all over like a doormat. I'm quite certain as well that you are trapped in a dysfunctional relationship with a partner who may suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder.

    The key to breaking the cycle is to educate yourself. First, start by doing some research and develop an understanding of what the characteristics of a healthy relationship look like.

    We all participate in activities or behaviours that help us meet needs. What need (s) does being in this relationship help you meet? Be aware that all needs are not necessarily healthy!

    Do you know anything about the concept of attachment theory? This basically states that we choose partners who are similiar to our mother or father in order to live out and resolve childhood issues.

    We often find ourselves in relationships that mimic that of our parents. Do you see any similiarities? Does your partner or something she does remind you of your mother?

    Once you educate yourself and develop an understanding as to why and how this relationshhip is dysfunctional it will become clear what is keeping you involved. Understanding this will be the key to your ability to end the relationship, heal yourself and to begin working on issues that you discovered as a result of this research.

    We attract people who are a mirror image of who we are; for better, or worse. There is a brigther future ahead and you are not alone as many have walkied this path, this writer included.

    You will have better quality relationships and enjoy life in the future, if you do the work to make the changes you need to make. If not, you will find history repeating itself.

    Good luck!

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  • You really have to spend time with yourself and understand what you really want out of a relationship. Once you figure that out you can apply some self control attract women that you want and behave in such a manner that reinforces the things you need in the the relationship. At times you might feel lonely and she is misbehaving; it might be easy to lower your guard and be 'caring' and make her feel like she's a zillion bucks. What I'm trying to say is that you have to stop reinforcing negative behaviors in your relationship. You have to use caring as a tool in a relationship like how women use sex to get love; you have to understand when to use it.

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  • I agree I tired of caring for women that treat me like I am the scum of the earth. Caring is not a thing you can just switch off but I am working on not caring for a woman if she can't treat me right because I don't deserve bad treatment and only caring for women that a good to me.

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  • You can't turn care off if that is what you are be greateful there are PLENTY of people who don't or can't 'even if they wanted to... OR WHATEVER? ' what you do is redirect where your care is goning. like more money, knowledge, talent' capability's that won't let you down' and learn from the LESSON[LESSER] so you can be apart of the GREATER' But never feel or think to get rid of the CARE that'sCRAZY ' without care you couldn't feel happy' leave the person and keep the CARE you'll need it for the next relationship.

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  • If you figure it out tell me. I would love to stop loving my ex wife. For 25 years I loved her harder and more then any man could love someone. after 25 years she wanted the divorce. The last 2 years she was cheating on me. Since the divorce she has repeatedly done things to hurt me as much as possible. But I love her unconditionally and can't turn it off... it was over half my life.

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  • Turning off that switch is a bad idea, it can be almost impossible to get your empathy back if you lose it and your empathy is INCREDIBLY important to your sanity. Instead teach your self healthy coping strategies, thought processes, boundaries etc... Then stand by your beliefs.

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  • Time and distance I think are the only cure.

    Cut yourself off from all contact and don't look at her pictures etc - don't go to places you used to go to together etc. Make a fresh start relying on yourself only as a person. Keep telling yourself you don't need anyone else to be happy and eventually you'll start believing it (fake it till you make it!).

    Or - picture her taking a dump... I've heard that can work. But it doesn't for me.

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  • Just focus on yourself and not what other people are doing around you. Better yourself, your appearance, personality, style and even your social character. Try and be more outgoing and do things you wouldn't normally do, do things that others would deem embarrassing after awhile you just don't give a fuck anymore. That's more or less what I did people can think what they want :)

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  • Don't stop caring because empathy and kindness is a wonderful quality. Just understand that You caring and giving your love and respect to someone doesn't entitle you being loved in return. If you give because you are wanting something in return it's not really caring but procuring. Maybe you're buying a dud and wasting all that emotion.
    Just back off a bit and find another to care about and I assure you she will come running. If that's what you want !!!

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  • "one does not simply turn off the care switch" your human, you will care untill someone new comes into your life, your best bet is to break it off with your ex and go "no contact" live your life, go out with friends, go to the club if thats your thing, just be your own man and learn to be alone then, and only then will you be able to turn off the care switch when you find someone new.
    im going threw a break up myself, she left me for another man after two years. I decided that she will never be part of my life again, i deleted her number i blocked her on all social media and i avoid her in what ways i can. i went out with my friends and now life is slowly starting to get better.
    hope this helps
    have a happy new year buddy

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  • Sociopaths can turn off the care switch.

    Psychopaths don't have a care switch.

    Unless you're either, all you can do is repress the care by occupying yourself with other matters until she's eventually a distant memory.

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  • First of all you got to learn to love yourself, secondly if you're feeling really sad or depressed than please see a professional... I've been through the same and was initially reluctant to go to a doctor but the treatment really worked, it gives you a new window to re think things in your life. Most of all stay strong and do things which make you happy.

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  • My personal setting: Just lose it! Lose yourself! DeepFreeze your body! Let it all go and don't look back.

    Now look at me: I am not interested at all for them :-/ (Sorry lads, but I have had my lesson. There may be still hopes for me but not soon) This option has a few drawbacks such as of being unable to enjoy, what love may offer. I feel like an empty shell but still intact.

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  • its really hard to walk away for any relationship.

    the first question you have to answer for your self is are you happy

    yes stick it out

    no... no is hard becuse it means leave and it hurts and it takes time and there's tears and drama. but at the end of it your happier.

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  • Don't do it. It maks you empatheticand cold hearted to everything and everyone around u. I've been there

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  • Download space engine, fly through the universe, realize how small and insignificant your life is = stop caring about pointless shit.

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  • Once you've been burned enough you'll gain a off switch.

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  • insult her, refuse to cooperate with her, don't return her calls, texts, etc, if she starts ignoring you, spread rumours about her... Force yourself to be as obtusely assholish as you can possibly be... Resist your friends' shaming tactics to get you act nice with her. Treat it like a workout goal. One day after many hours of deliberately being a jerk, you'll realise that the woman holds no power over you. That day, you'll be totally free from this poisionous toad

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  • I'll set you up with the last woman I dated. She'll break that care switch for you. She was absolutely nuts.

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  • berniesiegelmd.com/.../light-switch_300.jpg

    Up is ON, down is OFF. It's as simple as that!

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  • I doubt you care. Either way just remove the incentive.

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  • I think you really can't turn off the care switch, you'll always end up caring for someone no matter what unless you get tired of them and stop caring for them.

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  • Smoke weed?

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  • join orochimaru

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  • I'm in the same boat as you bro. Damn it's rough!

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  • By practice. Toxic relationships are like a drug for some people... addicting and harmful to your health

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  • Find someone else and date her... she will think that you are moving on... so she will start dating too which will make you think that she doesn't care anymore!

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  • One simply walks away & exams if one feels less stressed in the persons absence. An unhealthy relationship is... well unhealthy.

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  • Find a new woman

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